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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to a 4D scan?

61 replies

Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 14:51

I am 24 weeks pregnant. Dh and his parents want me to have a 4D scan because his brothers wife had one with a video as well which they said was brilliant and helped with bonding Hmm

I have researched it and don't feel comfortable having one because:

There is no evidence that they are safe, despite what the companys website says.

I was told by my midwife that you shouldn't have too many scans.

I can bond with my LO quite well without a 4D scan thanks.

They think I'm being selfish. Am I?

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 31/03/2011 14:52

YANBU and I've never heard so much tosh as it helps them bond with the baby, what a load of crap.

SarkyLady · 31/03/2011 14:52

I think they look shit.

I wouldn't have one.

gorionine · 31/03/2011 14:53

Of course you are not, they are by trying to push you into doing something that clearly makes you unconfortable! Stick to your decision!

pooka · 31/03/2011 14:53

No not all all unreasonable.

I think (personally, I know others feel differently and that's fine) that part of the excitement of having the baby is to see it's features, look at it's face for the first time and marvel in it. I don't see why a video of the baby's face would help with bonding (again, personal opinion).

Your baby, your body, your decision. Am quite cross that they might think that you deciding not to fork out for an unnecessary scan is selfish. Angry

valiumredhead · 31/03/2011 14:54

I wouldn't want one - I KNOW I am going against the grain here, but I think they look really creepy don't like them.

lazylula · 31/03/2011 14:54

I wouldn't have one as they look creepy to me and I have bonded just fine with my 2 without one and I am sure I will with this one too, so I do not think YABU.

Original poster
Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 14:54

I saw the video and was alarmed by how long it was. I didn't think multiple, prolonged ultrasounds were a good idea unless medically justified.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 31/03/2011 14:54

Or what sarky said Grin

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 31/03/2011 14:55

Why do they call them 4D? Did someone invent an extra dimension the rest of us don't know about?
they are hideous and creepy anyway.

TattyDevine · 31/03/2011 14:57

You are not being selfish saying no, because whilst the baby is both of yours, it is your pregnancy really and if you are not comfortable with it you should not have to endure it for anybody else.

However, I dont understand the eye rolling and vitrol from other posters as well about 4d scans. If you dont like them, dont have one. But people who do like them or do want one may well feel it helps with bonding. That is not stupid or eyerollworthy, its just how they feel. If you dont feel that way, dont have one.

Its a personal thing. And the pregnant person's decision, I feel.

Original poster
Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 14:57

Mil said I owe it to the LO to do it so he can see what he looked like in utero Hmm

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 31/03/2011 14:57

The 4th dimension is time Winter - they are in "real time" whereas a 2d scan is delayed.

TattyDevine · 31/03/2011 14:58

I disagree with what your MIL said about owing it to the fetus etc - that's silly. She's putting pressure on you, using emotional blackmail which is wrong.

bellastella · 31/03/2011 14:59

My OH quite fancied having one with our baby (due in two weeks). We'd had the 12 week and 20 week scan and all was well. I said I didn't want to becuse we'd be seeing the baby soon enough anyway plus I didn't want to have the first two scans so he'd already seen more than I wanted to anyway! I was about 32 weeks gone so he accepted that and there was no argument.
I don't think you're selfish, as the person who is carrying the baby you hold all the cards (I'm not man bashing but the whole equal rights thing is some instances is clearly not true). It's your belly, they can't pin you down to scan it!

everyspring · 31/03/2011 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 15:00

here is one article I read.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 31/03/2011 15:01

tell them to cockoff, if we were meant to see what our babies looked like before they popped out we would have windows in our stomach

JustaNickname · 31/03/2011 15:02

I had one when I was expecting ds, in all fairness it was a bit creepy but I liked it :o That aside it is completely your choice and you shouldn't feel pressured by anyone.

chocadoodle · 31/03/2011 15:03

YANBU You don't have to justify your reasons for not wanting one. When you're expecting a baby there's far more important things to spend the money on. I agree, they do look creepy but horses for courses and all that.

My friend had one and thought it was the most amazing thing. We were pregnant at the same time and she couldn't understand why I didn't want one. I just said I didn't want to see my baby up close for the first time like that and I'd rather wait and look forward to it at the birth. I don't think she bonded any better with her baby than I did mine.

Stick to your guns.

Haribojoe · 31/03/2011 15:04

I didn't have 4D scans with any of my 3 DS. To be honest they give me the creeps, I find the pictures from "normal" scans exciting and special enough.

I know some people feel it helps them to bond with their baby but I never felt I needed any help with that (not being judgey just giving my personal view)

It is your pregnancy and your baby, don't let yourself be pushed into something you're not comfortable with.

IMO your inlaws ABU to put this pressure on you and then call you selfish!

Original poster
Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 15:05

another one

OP posts:
chocadoodle · 31/03/2011 15:06

Grin at VinegarTits

everyspring · 31/03/2011 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarkyLady · 31/03/2011 15:10

Pmsl at "owe it to your lo"

Ffs.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 31/03/2011 15:13

YANBU - completely fail to see why this could be deemed as selfish?? Your baby - your call!