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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to a 4D scan?

61 replies

Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 14:51

I am 24 weeks pregnant. Dh and his parents want me to have a 4D scan because his brothers wife had one with a video as well which they said was brilliant and helped with bonding Hmm

I have researched it and don't feel comfortable having one because:

There is no evidence that they are safe, despite what the companys website says.

I was told by my midwife that you shouldn't have too many scans.

I can bond with my LO quite well without a 4D scan thanks.

They think I'm being selfish. Am I?

OP posts:
SmethwickBelle · 31/03/2011 15:16

All babies seem to look EXACTLY the same in these vids and so I have a pet theory that they just put in a video that they run whilst pretending to scan you Grin and charging you two hundred notes.

I had one for DS1, didn't bother for DS2. There is a novelty value to it I suppose and we have the DVD but I found it a little unsettling, I don't like it when you get a scan through of an arm or leg and they look like they're missing a limb.

I wouldn't personally be worried about the safety aspect, but ultimately it is your decision. Like I said the cost and freaky aspects put me off a second time.

Quenelle · 31/03/2011 15:19

I think they're creepy too.

No need to get into a discussion with the ILs. Practise deflecting and distracting (with proprietorial hands clasped over the bump):

'I'm bonded enough with my baby thanks. Shall we name her Smegma if she's a girl?' Smile
'I'm happy that I'm already providing what I 'owe' to my baby thanks. Should we have the Pooh Bear or the Forever Friends wallpaper?' Smile

IAmTheCookieMonster · 31/03/2011 15:20

I refused to have extra scans, the registrar tried to get me to have a scan every 4 weeks! They don't know if it is safe and the powerful machines they use now are too new to know any long term effects. 4D scans don't benefit the baby just the people watching.

Original poster
Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 15:23

Pmsl quenelle!

OP posts:
HMTheQueen · 31/03/2011 15:23

FFS at your MIL guilting you into doing it!

That would make me want to NOT do it even more... although I am a bit like that when it comes to MIL's and their guilt trips! Grin

Your body, your baby, your choice.

slowshow · 31/03/2011 15:27

I'm glad you all think they're creepy. I think so too!

Personally, I have better things to spend my money on, and I'm looking forward to seeing my baby's face when s/he's born, not on some distorted sepia image which will inevitably make me worry that s/he's going to be ugly Wink

Eglu · 31/03/2011 15:29

I have nothing against them personally, but if you don't want one then there is no reason you should have one.

LindyHemming · 31/03/2011 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

architien · 31/03/2011 15:33

Regardless of your feelings about scans they sound manipulative and down right selfish. I don't like their tone in the suggestion one bit.

I think take note (for future inevitable disagreements), be polite and agree to disagree. Suggest that if they want to pay for a bonding thing that they pay for a photographic session when your arrival decides to come or if you're feeling brave you could sugget they send you and other half to an overnight spa stay where they will teach your other half and you how to help with labour and before that wellbeing in massaging the bump, that surely is more useful in bonding!

architien · 31/03/2011 15:37

Eup your comment really made me laugh, and seriously after the searching questions my MIL gave me after realising "shock-horror" that I was Catholic it doesn't seem completely unrealistic to hear it come from their lips as a suggestion. :)

littlemisstax · 31/03/2011 16:16

I had one for medical reasons. I don't think it has made any difference to our bonding, and DD looks nothing like the photo (although I did keep looking at it between the scan at 33 weeks and her arrival at 37 weeks). It's in her memory box now.

monkeyjamtart · 31/03/2011 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twilight3 · 31/03/2011 16:59

YANBU, I think I'd have loved to have one if they were around when I had the kids, but because I think it's something for mum to get silly and excited over, not for bonding FFS!!!!!!!!!!

They can't make you have one, tell them to F off. Explain you won't be having any more scans than what is medically necessary because you're concerned about your baby's wellbeing, and they're selfish putting their wishes before the baby's wellfare Grin

discobeaver · 31/03/2011 17:09

I know scans are extrememly important for medical/diagnostic reasons, but the 4D ones seem intrusive to me - far from 'owing it' (guilt trip much?) to your baby, I think if it were me in the womb, I wouldn't want to be peered at before I was ready!

It's a personal thing though, but you don't want one so don't have one.

diddl · 31/03/2011 17:19

To help who with bonding?

I think it sounds really naff.

I´m so old that they didn´t do 3d-although I think that´s also naff.

But I got a piccie-isn´t that enough?

And so what about SIL-surely she sis it for herself not ILs?

Is it always about them?

xstitch · 31/03/2011 17:22

YANBU at all.

I think scans have a valuable medical use but personally I would not agree to a 4D scan unless someone convinced me it was medically necessary. I really can't see how it is selfish of you not to want one. If your SIL wanted one fair enough her choice but I think your IL are being selfish and unreasonable trying to talk you into something. Did it really do any of us any harm not to see what we looked like in utero?

notso · 31/03/2011 17:23

Dd's friends Mum is a radiographer and told me definitely not to have one, I was pleased I took her advice especially as I had to have extra ultrasounds as DS2 was big.

I also think they look freaky.

chipmonkey · 31/03/2011 18:23

I had one with ds4. Definitely didn't help me bond. Don't think I bonded till I had his little fluffy head snuggled up to me. I do think the pictures were like him, though.

GloriaSmut · 31/03/2011 18:29

I respect people's decision to have a 4D scan but personally think they are creepy. They remind me of those Mexican post-mortem photographs that Martin Parr recently exhibited.

To suggest that someone may not bond adequately with their expected child is sheer and utter bollocks on a grandiose scale too. Go with your instincts, OP and ignore this monstrous emotional blackmail.

pinkthechaffinch · 31/03/2011 18:39

I had one but it was mainly to find out dd's gender as the 20 week scan was inconclusive and I really wanted to find out if she was going to be a girl. it orked as you could clearly see 'the hamburger' as the scanner referred to it !

She's 2 now and we showed her the dvd the other day and she seemed quite interested. i think it's a nice keepsake of a special time.

JustAnother · 31/03/2011 18:43

ask you MIL how she ever managed to bond with her children. They probably didn't even have 2D scans when she was pregnant.

kat2504 · 31/03/2011 19:07

"owe it to the foetus"? How ridiculous!
When most of us were born, no ultrasound at all was routinely used in pregnancy. Clearly all of our mothers have let us down as we have no idea what we looked like in utero. Probably similar to what we all look like in our newborn pictures, just smaller.
Why does a person need to know what they looked like before they are born?

I have nothing against the new scans and I am not sure there is reason to think they are unsafe. But it is you that is pregnant and if you don't want to be scanned, it is not anybody elses business.

Reckon it is just that THEY want to see the baby. Tough. They can wait! I also find it strange when women are showing their scan pics to all and sundry and posting them on the internet. I mean, I don't need to see anyone's uterus any more than I need to see any of their other organs.

If you don't want to, stick to your guns.

Original poster
Urbanotter · 31/03/2011 19:39

Pinkthechaffinch, the monographer called it a hamburger?

OP posts:
flyingspaghettimonster · 31/03/2011 19:46

I had one a week for a while with my last pregnancy, as the Mirena coil was lost inside someplace and they were worried where... they never did find it, but the scans did no harm and it was nice to actually recognise what was what on the baby... I had received a scan photo of my middle child that looked exactly like a baby skeleton lying in a grave - it terrified me and I begged for another scan as I was having nightmares about delivering a skeletal baby - never did bond with the baby and had terrible PND with him that didn't happen with the others, so I think that these scans can be negative experiences for bonding...

thinkingkindly · 31/03/2011 19:46

My MIL suggested this, because SIL did it. I said no, and I wouldn't show her or anyone other than DP or DSS the ordinary scan photos (DSS thought it was scary-looking). To me, this was just an utterly private thing. I find it a bit strange that other people wave their scan pics around to all and sundry, but that is up to them. I think people just have very different instincts about all this, and you just have to do what you (the pregnant woman) want.