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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the nursery manager shouldn't have washed a child's comfort item?

53 replies

purepurple · 31/03/2011 11:10

I work in a nursery and the manager took it upon herself to wash a child's comforter (cuddly rabbit) because a staff member said it smelled.
The staff member has no children, manager has.
I protested and said that they couldn't wash it because it wouldn't smell the same for the child and that it was also very judgemental. I wwas over-ruled and the manager put it in the washing machine and said "tell the parent that milk was spilt on it"
I was Shock
As a parent, i would have felt judged. I know that DD would have protested at having her comforter washed and she is 14.
What do you think? Would you have washed it or not?

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 31/03/2011 11:11

I would only have washed it if it was covered in sick/poo whatever. Otherwise not their business.

GypsyMoth · 31/03/2011 11:12

i would be aware that alot of parents do ry and steal the item away for a good wash,but dont attempt it anymore due to childs protests

maybe she saw her chance...or maybe she's overstepping the mark

has it been a problem so far for your child?

psiloveyou · 31/03/2011 11:12

Goodness no. My DDs comforter smells vile to me but she would hate it to be washed.
I wouldn't be happy at all if nursery did that. What did the mum say, do you know?.

pommedeterre · 31/03/2011 11:12

Oh god, dd has a smelly cuddly rabbit and goes to nursery two days a week. She went yesterday.

cantspel · 31/03/2011 11:13

If it smelled it needed washing and to spare the parents feelings they made up a white lie. I dont see the problem and would have done the same.

I can still remember my son sitting in front of the washing machine for an hour and a half watching his comforter go around and around.

exhausted2011 · 31/03/2011 11:14

as a parent, yes I would have felt judged, but also maybe quite happy that they had managed to wash it.

ENormaSnob · 31/03/2011 11:14

I can't see a problem with this at all.

whoneedssleepanyway · 31/03/2011 11:15

I wash my DDs comforters when i can get my hands on them...manager prob thought she was doing everyone a favour...

Original poster
purepurple · 31/03/2011 11:16

I'm not sure what the parents said as I left early and am off today. I expect Mum will have just accepted it politely. Most parents do.

OP posts:
silverfrog · 31/03/2011 11:17

it shoudl only have been washed if actually a health hazard (ie sick/poo/ covered)

my dds are 6 and 4. dd1 has a comforter she still sleeps with - we have always had 2 (one ot wash, one to use), and we have always washed them regularly, but she still looks at it a bit funny when the new one comes out - and she is a lot happier with it after a couple of days, when it starts to smell "right" again.

dd2 has only just noticed that we wash her favourite teddy - she helps change his t-shirt/shoes now, and is happy with the idea that it gets washed (again, we have two), but this is only very recent.

I would have been horrifeid if a childcare setting did this - that comforter is there to help the child settle, and the familiar smell is a big part of that.

octopusinabox · 31/03/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
purepurple · 31/03/2011 11:20

Exactly, silverfrog. The familiar smell is a big part of it. I just think that the manager over-stepped the mark. If it needed washing, it should be down to the parent to decide to do it.

OP posts:
EllAEllO · 31/03/2011 11:20

DS has a smelly black cat that goes everywhere with him.

If it was washed it would be the wrong shape, he carries it tucked under his arm so its head peeks out. Its neck would be all wrong.
I hope nursery don't sniff his and decide to wash it!
If I decide to do it, I'll let DS know, and do it myself let him help.

YANBU.

Bad enough to take it upon herself to do it, without lying about it too.

nickschick · 31/03/2011 11:21

My youngest ds is 10 and if his panda bear has to be washed he lingers around waiting for it to be finished and will not allow him to be 'pegged out' he has to be sat on the radiator then tumbled.

Rhian82 · 31/03/2011 11:22

I wash DS's comfort toy (he's two). Just sneak it away when he's not looking and wash and dry it as quickly as possible. It's never been a problem.

(doesn't have to have had anything spilt on it either, just that it gets generally mucky)

He has a second one for nursery and I wouldn't have a problem if they washed that either. Though I'd be embarrassed if it had got to the point where they felt they needed to!

jaffacake79 · 31/03/2011 11:24

I can't see the issue really. If it was stinky and didn't cause the child upset to be parted from it for an hour or so, then give it a wash.
The little girl I mind has brought a cushion in from home that was a bit manky and grim so I gave the cover a wash one evening (it has to stay in my house!) and she's not minded either way. I doubt her Mum would mind anyway, as if anything gets dirty or grot covered when she's with me I just bung it in the wash and give it back nice and clean.

DontGoCurly · 31/03/2011 11:24

yanbu.....hope the child still likes the bunny when it's finished !!

Or else there'll be BIG TROUBLE!!

Clytaemnestra · 31/03/2011 11:24

My DD has a bunny which is her beloved - she can't go to sleep without it. Actually she has 4 (although she doesn't know about that), because as soon as one gets smelly it gets lobbed in the washing machine and replaced with one of the clean ones.

Can't imagine not washing it. Yuck.

TeacupTempest · 31/03/2011 11:25

As a child my comforter was very important to me. Its can often be (not always) an indicator of separation anxiety and attachment issues. The comforter is almost and extension of the mother or primary care giver. Taking it away or washing it can be extremely traumatic for a child and should therefore only be done by the parent or when the child feels safe.

Not appropriate at nursery.

How was the child?

EllAEllO · 31/03/2011 11:26

Actually I retract the 'smelly' from my previous post.

It isn't actually, just sniffed it- I wrongly assumed it would be!

Cat is safe for a while longer!

Foxy800 · 31/03/2011 11:27

We have washed a child's comforter beofre but that is because the parent asked us to as she just cant do it at home as the child would get so upset.
Dont think I would have taken it upon myself and certainly wouldnt have lied!!!

For my parental point of view I think I would have felt really embarassed, if nursery phoned me first I think I would have prefered it to not knowing first.

Lemonsole · 31/03/2011 11:28

And if has to be washed, anybody working with young children (who gave a damn about them) would know that it should be washed with the same detergent and conditioner as at home, to have even a fighting chance of retaining the familiarity. My DD and DS can identify their friends by how their clothes smell.

This a beaky, judgy attitude by nursery staff, seeming to want the smug feeling of knowing better than the parent. Nasty. When there are so many whiffs around in a nursery, why would a comforter be such a problem?

Foxy800 · 31/03/2011 11:28

Sorry should say from parental view not for!!

Original poster
purepurple · 31/03/2011 11:29

Comforter is used mostly for settling to sleep, child is just 2. AFAIK, child went to sleep ok.

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 31/03/2011 11:29

My dd (8) goes to bed each night with the same cuddly toy. I do wash it, but when I do, she complains that 'it doesn't smell like you anymore Mum'.

Never quite sure how to take that...