To think this is a bit off in this day and age?

[Gemsy83]

I have an 'aquaintance' shall we say who is always boasting about how much of her DH's money she spends on clothes/haircuts/treats etc. She has been saying for ages how she is going to get a job etc but nothing comes of it. I know ultimatley its up to her and DH how they live but AIBU to think this is- well, a bit piss takey really?

YABU

Whether she works or not and how much of "DH's money" she spends is none of your business.

Why is it a piss take? If it doesn't bother her husband why does it bother you? It's their money. MYOB!

YABU - sorry.

Does her dh know how much she spends? Up to them I spose, but unless he is absolutely mega loaded and has no problem with it, then it does seem a bit odd really. Wonder if she feels a bit guilty about it and thats why she feels this need to offload and 'confess'! Why does she not have a job?

I didnt say it was any of my business- however I do think the constant updates regarding 'ooh bought xxxx with xxxx's pay rise/credit card' etc leaves her open to judgement, really.

Well I certainly wouldn't show off about it.

I was out of work for a while a couple of years ago and DP told me to say whenever I needed anything and not to worry about it. He was always saying things like - " just take a £20 - if you need it, spend it, if not, keep it for another time".

I hated it and only spent on absolute essentials.

Perhaps her DP likes her to do this. Some men get off on how much their girlfriends spend on manicures and haircuts.

If he is loaded, it's probably a status thing for the jolly old boys at the golf club.

It's not for me or my world though.

YANBU for questioning this.

YABU if you think she shouldn't do it. That's only for them to sort out.

Yabu. What is judge-worthy? Dull, but hardly .

She might not have a job as they can afford for her not to work? If he is happy with the arrangement, why not?

Thier accounts are seperate, I find it very very odd.

YANBU to think it's a bit naff TBH - course it's up to him to say no if he doesn't like it - personally I'd be a bit embarrassed to live off someone else.

YANBU: bragging about how much money you have/spend is always vulgar, and pretty insensitive in generally straightened times.

YWBU if you were concerned about her family's actual spending patterns, as that's their own business.

I dunno it just seems so, subervient tbh, yet she seems very reliant on him in lots of ways. Its imo very odd to be married, have seperate accounts but boast about how much of the other partners money you spend, something very 1950's about it.

It is sooo Their Business, and Not Yours
unless you are stony broke and she is doing it to upset you, in which case, judge away

What exactly do you find odd Gemsy? She spends money on haircuts and clothes and doesn't work. So what? Perhaps she's joking like reality said.

If they are happy wit the arrangments, what has it got to do with anyone else?

Maybe there is more to the situation than you realise, perhaps they are happy in an 'old fashioned' marriage with the husb being the earner and the wife keeping home. Maybe he's one of those who likes his woman to look pretty for him when he comes home, and won't think about 'allowing' her to earn her own money and independence?

If it suits them, then leave them to it. Perhaps she has low self esteem and spends to compensate?

All of that I've said here is a load of very sweeping stereotyping about women who don't work but spend 'their husband's money' and husbands who give their wives the spending freedom.

We can all make assumptions about others' relationships, but its no-one's business but the couple in question.

You may find it odd, OP, but I think it is not as unusual as you imagine.

As I said before, I couldn't live like that, but I think there are plenty who do and it is their business.

If they are on benefits or he is gaining the money through something illegal then you have every reason to judge, but if he's loaded enough to support them both, then it's their business.

I don't work and spend DH's money on chickens

Okay so YANBU to be annoyed with perceived bragging. That is annoying when it is a constant.

However, YABU to say it is "his" money. Agree with bluddymofo - it is their money.

And yes, some men do see it as a badge of honour that their wife is able to stay at home and lives a pampered life. But if they are both happy then surely it isn't up to others to judge them?

I dont say its 'his' money- SHE does! Its always talking about spending xxxx's pay rise, battering xxxx's credit card etc...it seems very much she sees it as HIS money hence the whole debate...but on the other hand I wouldnt feel happy to not contribute to the household yet be so self indulgent anyway, I WOULD feel like a piss taker.

Is she at home with children? Is she a housewife? If yes to either of these questions then of course she is making a contribution to the household.

Is she taking all the money for self-indulgent stuff when there isn't food in the cupboards?

Are they short for the mortgage each month because of the amount she spends on facials?

Is the DH unhappy and feels like he works for nothing whilst his DW pisses it up the wall?

If not, then she is not taking the piss. Unless they really cannot afford for her to be spending then YABU.

Women can't win, they are frowned upon if they DO work and leave the kids at nursery and frowned upon if they are a SAHM and don't work. What is ok?