To think this is a bit off in this day and age?

[Gemsy83]

I have an 'aquaintance' shall we say who is always boasting about how much of her DH's money she spends on clothes/haircuts/treats etc. She has been saying for ages how she is going to get a job etc but nothing comes of it. I know ultimatley its up to her and DH how they live but AIBU to think this is- well, a bit piss takey really?

Obviously I meant 'work outside the home'

Absolutely Valiumredhead
Perfectly put.

If she is only an 'acquaintance' then what does it have to do with you and why get so judgemental? Does it effect you? Everyone lives differently and some like old fashioned ways and others, more modern.

Your 'acquaintance' sounds like one of my closest friends. We couldn't be more different but I love her so much. Her DH can earn enough through work so that she doesn't have to and as she sees it, her job is raising the family.

Let her get on with her life if that is the way she wants to live. Or is there a deeper rooted problem that you are not being honest about??

The kids are school age anyway. I just dont get it. Just as people are allowed to 'not get' mums with small kids who work full time. No big deal, just wondering if anyone thought similar.

Of course, if I was to be judgemental, I could say, "Knows the price of everything and the value of nothing" tee hee

Boasting about spending money is just naff whose ever it is! That would irritate me more than it being DH's.

Gemsy do you think that because her children are at school then she should work?

I can see your POV with wanting to feel as though you make a valid contribution but your interpretation of "valid contribution" is clearly different to hers.

Perhaps the hours/demands of her DH's job mean that it would be difficult for her to take a job anyway where he could take an equal role in the remainder of the housework and childcare?

Perhaps she jokes about finding a job soon because your poker face isn't as good as you think and she can see that she is being judged?

I do think women are made to feel guilty about staying at home when their DCs go to school.

YABU. I also think it's ridiculous when people say they "don't get" why a woman does or doesn't work because her kids are a certain age. Are you really saying you don't understand simple reasons like 'because they can' and 'because they want to?'. I think what you mean is you don't feel the same way. That's not the same thing as 'not getting' it.

I do personally think when the kids are school age its time to start contributing financially, yes. Just to show willing more than anything else.
Reality I wouldn't say thats lucky at all- I love the fact I am independent and if the male species died out I would be able to provide for my family due to going out to work and bringing home wages.

But what needs 'doing' in the home whilst the kids are not there? How is that being a WAHM if the kids you are meant to be caring for aren't even there?

Gemsy83, I only have some understanding of this because as stated earlier, one of my closest friends is a WAHM. Her youngest has just started school (last Sept) but she still does the school run, cooking, cleaning etc - literally running the home. That is her job and she is happy. She has old fashioned principles and her DH runs his own business (which she does help with!) and she runs the home. It works for them.

This thread has got me thinking - how many women out there that do work also run the home??? Superwoman or Superskivvy?? I like to think Superwoman!!

It always amazes me why anyone would concern themselves with other couple's life/work choices let alone judge them

I don't get this "his money, my money" concept. Do people not realise? it's all mine!

But seriously though op you've just made this a sahm vs wohm thread by stealth haven't you.

The truth is that it's rarely that simple. My ds is eight now and I haven't worked since he was born. And one of the reasons for that is that work that fits in with school hours and holidays is virtually impossible to come by. And while if we needed the money I would have to make that sacrifice and use childcare, the truth is that my dh earns a good enough salary that we can afford for me not to work, so why should I be forced into work and forced to pay out for childcare when there is an alternative?

As it happens I do volunteering - I am chair of governors at my ds' school, I am on the PTA, I have spent countless hours in school listening to children read/helping out in class/accompanying school trips. It doesn't have to have a £ sign in front of it to equal a contribution.

as it happens I do wish to go back into paid employment and once we move house I will seek to do that. But the reality is that nearly nine years of not working means I am now probably unemployable.

I don't work but I do all the housework and look after our son. I spend money on what I need and sometimes what I want. My husband earns all the money but he says it's our money as we are married. Even when our son starts school I won't be able to work as DH works away a lot and I have no one around to help with child care on school holidays and such. Just because I don't work doesn't mean I am not contributing.

OP - is her DH happy to take; spring break, easter and the summer holidays off to have the DC's, (to show willing). The child care may take up all her wages. It is for them to decide how to give their children the best quality of life, still have a close relationship and juggle their lifestyle. My situation may have been similar. My husband worked away from home on good wages, i was happy to not work, if i had it would have been difficult to spend time with each other and our DD would be in childcare more than her own home. I studied, though, to keep busy. I now also provide for my family now i am widowed. Being a wage slave isn't the most important role a person can play..

YANBU... the woman sounds vulgar if she brags about her purchases. I thought 'spending my husband's money' conversations went out with kaftans and Demis Roussos.

Wow Reality chucking insults around- thats big of you! And takes as many brain cells as sitting watching This Morning in an empty house no doubt!

I can't find the energy to care how other people organise their families. Both my DC are in school, and I do some freelance work from home. But not a lot. Oh, and I love 'This Morning', unless Eamonn Holmes is hosting it.

'sitting watching This Morning'?! Oh, OP, not only have you turned this into a SAHM v WOHM thread but it's not even a good one. At best, that's a lazy generalisation of the life of a SAHM (with children of any age) and at worst, it's actually a bit offensive.

Fair enough, you don't like the way your friend speaks about money. But to decide that everyone who doesn't work outside the home once their kids are at school is not doing anything worthwhile is pretty ignorant.

Not every SAHM wants to bother with CMs and after school clubs and so choose to stay at home...to be there when the kids come in and to be there during the 12 weeks school holidays. It's not a strange idea at all in my opinion.

As long as it suits the couple and their family, that's just fine.