In not really understanding why some couples have mine and yours money?

[lesley33]

What I mean is couples who don't share money but instead agree a contribution each partner pays towards joint expenses. I knew a couple where the wife earned more and so could afford top, and did, go on expensive holidays that her husband couldn't afford.

Unless one of the couple is seriously terrible with money, why wouldn't you just share money to benefit the whole family? By family I mean the parents and children.

We have a joint account to which we contribute pro rata for all joint expenses (bills, baby stuff, holidays etc). But whatever's left over from our monthly salaries is for each of us to spend as we please - he will never understand my love of gadgets or why my haircuts cost more than a fiver, I will never understand why he needs one more blue shirt. This way, we don't have to.

YABVU..
Money = power
Always has, thats how women are kept down.
vast improvements over the last few years tho i personally could never be dependant on another person.
We both work we split the bills etc. what i spend is my money my buisness, thats the same for dh..
we never argue about money..

I can accept that some people have seperate accounts - what I find strange is what I see as pettiness when it comes to money.

We are free and easy about money and there's usually change lying round if anyone needs to nip to the shops for milk and stuff
BUT years ago the fella that I worked with was working out his money and realised his wife owed him 79 PENCE for the cat food and would have to mention it to her.

A few months ago my friend realised she hadn't given her DH the change from £4 he had given her to buy a couple of large bottles of Diet coke. We are talking about 20p or so here.

To me that is strange.

like many of the other posters, we have a joint account for mortgage, bills etc, and then each have our own various current & savings accounts... but that's partly just because dh was 36 and me 34 when we got together, so it has never occurred to us to cancel our individual banking... there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to who pays for what outside of the joint account.... i pay for all the household shopping & kids things cos i'm the one who deals with them mostly... dh tends to pay if we go out for dinner or out as a family... i honestly have no idea what the split would be if we sat down and worked out total expenditure and who had paid...

I find this so weird too - esp when they have kids. I know a few couples who have to 'lend' each other money at the end of the month is they run and they pay each other back!!!

DH and I earn around about the same amount, his wage is about £3000 more than mine. We split bills/mortgage etc and then whatever is left is our own. DH will quite often just spend £200 on something for himself (computer stuff) but equally he will often do the same and buy something for the house or for us to share (he bought the washing machine for example) - we also both put an equal amount into a savings account and then we decide what to spend it on together.

it works for us and the only slight change we have made recently is that DH is taking on a bit more of the financial strain while I am on maternity leave.

It works for us but might not for others. I like that we both get to spend our own money on our own stuff and I don't have to ask permission to buy a new pair of shoes.

hmmmm I've never asked an one for permisson for new shoes or anything ever and we have a joint account.

(my wardrobe is busting and I've never asked for a thing - just got when needed/ wanted to.)

I think this only works if a couple are not stapped for cash so don't have to keep a close eye on what is actually left and if there is enough to get through the month

And the question is more the other way round for me - why would we pool our money? I don't see what we would achieve by doing that, and it would never have occurred to us to do it really. Much simpler for us to just keep it separate and agree to both contribute to things that are joint expenses.

I understand that joint finances make sense for some couples, especially if one is a SAHP or similar arrangement. But don't think it should be the default just because you're a couple if there's no other reason to do it.

I don't get why it's so important that each person has the same amount to spend on themselves either, or why it's unfair for the lower earning partner to make an equal contribution to costs (unless of course they earn less because they're contributing in another way, e.g. working part-time and doing childcare on the rest of the time). How would it be fair for DP to suddenly have to pay a higher percentage of our joint costs just because I decided to get a lower-paid job? I would not feel right doing that to him. If I want more spending money of my own, it's up to me to go out and get a job that provides it (not that I would as I much prefer being happy over being rich!)

I have my own bank account and pay half the bills. Wouldn't have it any other way.

I must admit it has got me thinking this thread.

I am happy to carry on doing things the way we are.
Before I met DH I had an endowment policy on my old house. When we bought a house together I kept the policy going and it is due to mature in 2114. It's only peanuts I'm paying in abot £20 a month. However DH has always refered to it as 'My' policy and for years it was also refered to my Peru fund.
Now 2014 is coming into sight I feel a bit selfish taking all the money and going on a fab treking holiday to Peru and want to spend a lot of it on DH.
Over the last 20 years he has had some really really tough times but always put me first and then me and the boys first when they came along and never does much for himself, as long as we are happy, he is - that's what he tell us.

For a long time I thought of that endowment as 'mine' but I'm seeing past that now.

I think this thread has opened my eyes abit really.

We have no concept of separate finance! We own our own company, which pays both our wages (which are exactly equal, irrespective of what each of us has 'earned) into our joint account. The company also pays out dividends when we need a bit extra. I have no separate account of my own. We each have our own credit cards, which we can use for gifts, etc.

We both spend what we want to and consult on anything over a certain amount. There are no discussions or sniping on what we spend, no 'lending' or 'borrowing' money, no 'mine' no 'his'. This has been the same for a good 10 years and the system was the same even when I was earning much less after having the children. Although I felt guilty for spending money when I hadn't earned much, he never begrudged it me.

To be honest, if I didn't trust him implicitly on all things, financial and otherwise, I wouldn't be married to him!

We have a joint account, then a certain amount goes out each month to our sole accounts so we can buy things like Boden clothes, lunches out, computer equipment without it ever causing an issue.

Pre DC we earned roughly the same amount so just contributed equally, but since then DH's income has gone up the way - he now contracts as I have steady permanent income, whilst mine has gone down the way - chose to work p/t and have recently reduced grade as don't want to spend time in the evening on the laptop or worrying about getting out on time to pick up DS.

Whilst it is my choice to go p/t and my choice to some extent to shoulder most of the household responsibilities and childcare duties my choices have enabled DH to work longer hours and earn more money. Why on earth should I not enjoy that extra income, I have in my own way worked for it too?

That sounds fine, rookiemater, absolutely that extra income is yours as well as he couldn't have earned it without you! No problem with that at all.

I guess my situation is different in that I've chosen to earn less for my own reasons, but am not (and have no intention of) taking on more household responsibilites or anything, aside from my salary and my happiness nothing has changed. It works for us anyway. I won't take a penny of his money, but the flip side of that is I am not expected to clean his mess or iron his shirts :) I personally feel more comfortable this way.

One of my Granny's friends used to go on holiday (exotic ones, such as Hon Kong) without her husband. She saved the money she earned and took them with a friend, he wasn't interested in doing that kind of thing.

A friend is on his second and far more successful relationship, and is sure its because they don't share money, but each pay their own way.

What happens though if one partner dies? Even if they are married but not in a joint account. Is the money tied up?

I've been with my bloke for over 12 years, we have a child together and one on the way and are getting married this year - only now are we considering a joint account.

I prefer to have "my" money - not because of any feminist principles, but just because I like to manage my own money and why should I have to answer to someone if I want to buy a pair of shoes or something? (not that he'd question it). We'll just have the bills coming out of the joint account and pay in accordingly.

In our house money coming in (from whatever source) is house money. It gets spent by everyone for everything. If we want a big spend (dh wanted a guitar), then we talk about it, share ideas, and he got one. He just sees that the money is what is needed to make the house run (I am rubbish at house work, so am glad he only rarely whinges about that one), so it all goes together. We view ourselves as a family unit iyswim? And that unit needs an income, DH (mainly) provides that income. I now earn a bit, and this tops up the pot. Fortunately he is sensible with money and I am cautious too... I'd be screwed if he left me, but I would anyay... even if I had my own account because what gets put into the pot either goes into joint savings or is spent (actually we each have our own isa's).

I certainly wouldn't tolerate being handed pocket money! I appreciate I am lucky to have a DH who sees us as a unit tho. I understand that!

Joint incomes go into a joint account. Standing orders / direct debits get paid out usually 1st of month which takes out a fair chunk. Then as much as our spending is done on credit cards though the month and these are paid off fully each month (except for when we bought a car on 0% rate). Don't ask each other permission to spend and we tend to more or less spend the same amounts (on different things) so it works out ok in end. Towards end of month sweep out whats left and put into various savings accounts.

If get a bonus from work it may go on something big for me - we haven't had any bonus for a few years as no profits.

Wouldn't work for me but as long as all parties are agreed who cares what other couples do. Either way its only an issue if one partner feels forced into a method or feels hard done by.

YABU as what works for you might not work for someone else and it is their business really.

we dont have a joint account but have different things we are in charge of paying for and the system works. we equally put money into savings and anything left is for us to decide for ourselves. mine goes into my 'stupidity spending account' that he can't winge if i decide to treat myself whether it be a weekend away with the girls or a designer top.

Ripeberry - surely if you're married, the surviving spouse automatically inherits? They might not be able to access the money immediately though, if that's what you mean? So might be a problem if one partner would not be able to meet essential expenses on their own for a while.

For unmarried couples it's worth them considering if they want/need to make a will for situations like this. We have not done this (yet) though not such a problem as both of us have income/savings enough to support ourselves independently.

DW hates sorting out finace stuff and talking on phone to sort out a credit card - was a bit of an odd conversation when I was pretending to be mrs SDD and the guy was saying are you sure you are the cardholder when I knew all her passwords and what had been spent etc so passed all the security checks.

"I think this only works if a couple are not stapped for cash so don't have to keep a close eye on what is actually left and if there is enough to get through the month,"

As I said in my original post, we have had had times where we are financially well off and times when money has been very tight. I don't "justify" any of my expenditure to OH. We know if money is tight or not and whether we have to be careful or not.

Neither myself or OH use money as "power". We have lived together for 19 years. I do understand keeping money separate when someone uses money as "power". I lived for a year with a man like this. But tbh I wouldn't now live or continue living with someone like that.

We see all income as family income, In terms of presents - we both know when birthdays/christmases are coming up, so we take cash out of the account to buy presents for each other. In terms of "surprises", we don't ask each other how they have spent the cash they have taken out of the account, so small surprises can be met by this.

It is only recently we have had the money to pay for "big" surprises. We have done this with a credit card as until the statement comes at the end of the month, we don't know what has been spent.