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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being too harsh with 4 year old ds.

57 replies

Fernie3 · 29/03/2011 17:39

He left the tap on in the bathroom flooded it totally, the water started leaking through to the kitchen soaking everything in the cupboards so we had to get rid of flour etc. BUT is wasn't on purpose it was careless.
I tried very hard to keep my temper under control as water flooded out of the food cupboards and onto my lovely new magazine but I ended up shouting at him to go to his room and stay there for the rest of the evening. He has had his dinner taken to him but he is still crying :( and shouting he loves me and Im starting to feel guilty - it's only been half an hour!
Am I being harsh or should I stand my ground?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 29/03/2011 17:41

you have been too harsh ..hes only 4 ,accidents happen ,go give him a cuddle

ethelina · 29/03/2011 17:41

Oh goodness Sad It was a mistake wasnt it? I think you should go and give him a big cuddle now. I dont expect he will do it again! Smile

Plumm · 29/03/2011 17:41

YABU - it was an accident.

I did this as a kid and the water dripped through the ceiling onto my baby sister - I'm pretty sure I didn't get sent to bed for it!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 29/03/2011 17:42

It was an accident....cant imagine punishing a small child that harshly for a genuine accident tbh

BluddyMoFo · 29/03/2011 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

therealmrsbeckham · 29/03/2011 17:42

Bit harsh IMO it was an accident and he's only 4. I can understand why you are cross though!

ImeldaM · 29/03/2011 17:43

You are being too harsh, IMO, esp if it was an accident, would you treat one of your friends the same if they did this? My DP has left the tap on accidently & I don't think I'd send him to his room, although I might want to Wink

grovel · 29/03/2011 17:43

Give him Marmite on plain chocolate digestives to make up to him. He'll love you for ever.

dorie · 29/03/2011 17:43

You made your point. Now go and cuddle him and explain rationally why you were upset.

worraliberty · 29/03/2011 17:43

Sorry I'm going to be honest and say it's not just unreasonable but it's cruel

Would you have done the same thing if he'd left the tap on by accident and there was no flood?

If he had done it on purpose then fine..but he didn't. We all make mistakes.

Happymm · 29/03/2011 17:44

Er...it was an accident! Would you punish yourself for a similar forgetful incident? And he's 4! too much punishment-and obviously knows it was wrong, but not like he did it on purpose, bless him. :(

AgentZigzag · 29/03/2011 17:44

A bit harsh to say he's got to stay there all night.

If he didn't do it on purpose (ie he'd been told not to play in the sink before) then it's not strictly his fault, he's only 4.

I think you should talk to him (not saying anything about him staying in his room) and let him come down in a bit?

Perhaps when he's calmed down, you let him out when he's shouting about and he'll catch on that's how to get to you.

cazza40 · 29/03/2011 17:44

Yabu he is only 4 !!! Poor him

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/03/2011 17:44

Remind him that just because you are cross with what he has done you still love him very much.

When you are 4, half an hour will feel like the rest of the evening (if not longer). Perhaps you can clarify that the rest of the evening means until he has finished his dinner so that way he can get out without you obviously backing down.

I think you both need a hug.

SlightlyJaded · 29/03/2011 17:45

Twas an accident.

He loves you Grin

But don't listen to me, I am a big softie who repeatedly fails to follow through on discipline lenient parent when it comes to 4 year old DSs.

Actually and honestly, for a 4 year old, tea in his room will have made him stop and remember this so hopefully he will think twice.

WowOoo · 29/03/2011 17:45

Too harsh i think too. My ds, also 4, leaves the taps on all the time.

ImeldaM · 29/03/2011 17:48

Good idea Chaz

PfftTheMagicDragon · 29/03/2011 17:48

The whole evening is far, far too long. Even half an hour is too long. He is 4, it will seem like forever, and as for making him eat his meal in his room Sad

Go and give him a cuddle, tell him that you know it was an accident.

Original poster
Fernie3 · 29/03/2011 17:49

Ok I feel even more like crap now sigh.
I have brought him down and hugged him. I don't know why I reacted so harshly it's not like me at all!

OP posts:
IslandMooCow · 29/03/2011 17:50

Poor thing. Easy to be angry, but at 4 they do play with water. I know it sounds harsh, but you should have been supervising him a bit more closely. That's not to say that wouldn't happen to me, similar things have often as I give my DD quite a lot of freedom, but when it does I tend to blame myself as I feel I should have been paying closer attention. You can't blame him, he's only 4.

Go and give him a hug and explain why it's a bad idea to leave the taps on.

worraliberty · 29/03/2011 17:50

Aww at least you've brought him down again.

Save the big punishments for the big crimes..there are bound to be plenty of those in the future Wink

IslandMooCow · 29/03/2011 17:51

Sorry x-post!

animula · 29/03/2011 17:52

I'm with the consensus. I'd go and give him a hug. As dorie suggested, you need to explain rationally why it's not a good idea to leave taps running.

Thing is, children and adults do that - dh on occasions, ds (teenage) sometimes, and dd bigger than 4) quite a bit.

Dh has left for holidays having left gas cooker (unlit) on and front doors open on occasions. Oh, how I would love to send HIM to his room. but I can't, and I have to bring these things to his attention without screaming at him, too - all of which indicates that the sending to bedroom/shouting at a 4 year old is, sadly, just you losing control. Understandable in the circs (you are human, not a goddess of rationality and calm) but not ideal.

AgentZigzag · 29/03/2011 17:53

I have to disagree with you worraliberty, child cruelty unfortunately involves far more serious things than just sending 4 YO children to their bedroom.

You haven't been cruel OP, just overreacted a tad perhaps.

animula · 29/03/2011 17:53

Oh, a hug for you, too, Feenie.

I suspect most of us have been there - not being goddesses and all.