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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being too harsh with 4 year old ds.

57 replies

Fernie3 · 29/03/2011 17:39

He left the tap on in the bathroom flooded it totally, the water started leaking through to the kitchen soaking everything in the cupboards so we had to get rid of flour etc. BUT is wasn't on purpose it was careless.
I tried very hard to keep my temper under control as water flooded out of the food cupboards and onto my lovely new magazine but I ended up shouting at him to go to his room and stay there for the rest of the evening. He has had his dinner taken to him but he is still crying :( and shouting he loves me and Im starting to feel guilty - it's only been half an hour!
Am I being harsh or should I stand my ground?

OP posts:
BirdyArms · 29/03/2011 17:53

Too harsh, hopefully you've gone to give him a hug.

It's always tricky when a careless mistake causes serious damage, but you should try to look at cause rather than effect. My 4 year old definitely knows when he's seriously messed up and is suitabley contrite but his 6yo brother has never been so good at immediately saying sorry so I have sometimes overreacted with him. What you've done is understandable but you are wrong!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/03/2011 17:55

Fernie3 I suspect we all overreact at times. I find an apology solves most things. Parents don't have to be perfect or get it right all the time but I think its important that parents apologise when they make a mistake otherwise how can we expect our kids to do the same.

If you were that upset then maybe you needed some cooling down time too.

Glad you have had a hug.

usualsuspect · 29/03/2011 17:55

we all have bad days fernie3

and cleaning up water is a pita

worraliberty · 29/03/2011 17:55

No I personally think it's cruel to send a child to bed for the rest of the evening because they did something by accident.

But that's just me. I'm not saying there aren't different levels of cruelty..of course there are, but still in my opinion that would have been cruel to see that punishment through.

Thankfully the OP hasn't though, so all is well.

animula · 29/03/2011 17:56

Hmmm. And I think my first post didn't come across well. I feel it sounded preachy. Seriously, I wish I was perfect, and ideal, and never lost my temper when things go bloody pear-shaped. But I'm not. And nor are you. And it's probably better (in some weird way) that we're not ....

Dozer · 29/03/2011 17:58

Oh dear. I did this very thing (left a bathroom tap running and caused a flood) a few weeks ago.......easily done (whether 4 or 44).

campion · 29/03/2011 17:58

Blimey - I did the same thing at school a couple of years ago ( I teach Food Tech). Started to fill up the sink in the prep room, went to attend to some child or other, forgot about water until it came along the floor via every drawer in the units Blush

My technician keeps a very close eye on me now but I couldn't get sent to my room as was there already!!

He's still a baby. They're not good on consequences and it's all part of being a parent.

Original poster
Fernie3 · 29/03/2011 18:02

Well he seems to have forgotten about it now thankfully he has an incredibly short attention span and memory!. I do think i just needed to cool down a bit. Not really looking forward to explaining the damage to the ceiling to the letting agency though :(.

OP posts:
Rebeccaruby · 29/03/2011 18:09

You were a bit BU, as it was an accident, but I disagree with the poster who said you should have been supervising more closely. Surely most 4 year olds are allowed to go to the bathroom and wash their hands by themselves? That involves running a tap.

IslandMooCow · 29/03/2011 18:09

Forgot to say, I've done this myself twice as an adult - sent myself to my room as a punishment!!

Original poster
Fernie3 · 29/03/2011 18:11

He does go to the toilet alone, he has been potty trained about a year and a half so I just didnt think I would have to check. I was just ironing and wondered what the water noise was in the kitchen lol.

OP posts:
zookeeper · 29/03/2011 18:11

it wasn't intentional so of course YABU

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 29/03/2011 18:12

Fernie - my friends had a similar problem, they just got a friend around to help them put up some new ceiling boards & repaint them, much much less hassle than dealing with the letting agent. It looks as good, if not better than before - could you do this (wasn't expensive).

How angry I would have been would have depended on several things... how long he'd been toilet trained and using the sink by himself for, if he'd been washing his hands after the toilet or if he was just in there playing, how many times I'd told him before not to leave the tap running, if he seemed sorry or was just shrugging - and many things not related to him at all (how tired I was and what other hassles I was dealing with)...

Have a Wine & don't feel shit, we all lose our temper from time to time and it's nothing like abuse .... (FGS??!!)

Bewunce · 29/03/2011 18:18

God if I let my 4yo eat in his room I'd have to start cleaning up spagetti off the ceiling and tomato sauce off the duvet once I'd finished cleaning up the flood.

overmydeadbody · 29/03/2011 18:20

Just say you're sorry you shouted and give him a cuddle.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you're only human and as long as you say sorry your DS will be fine, it is good for him to learn that sometimes humans loose their tempers and get crosser than they should, but then if you do you appologise and say sorry and give each other a hug.

He's four, he's likely to loose his temper too sometimes, so knowing you do too, and role modelling how to deal with it afterwards, will be good for him.

overmydeadbody · 29/03/2011 18:22

Glad to hear you already gave him a cuddle! just tell him you over reacted and sometimes people do that. Then stop thinking about it and please don't feel guilty or beat yourself up.

princessparty · 29/03/2011 18:32

Yes a nutter and a bully.We all make mistakes and he is only 4 FGS

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 29/03/2011 18:43

We all over react at times... my son has asd and an obsession with water, he has flooded the bathroom so many times we're having to get the ceiling replaced in the dining room and a load of replastering done. It cost us thousands, we've got the bathroom watertight now and hopefully it won't happen again.

Must confess the last time it happened when I was cooking tea I went to investigate the familiar tapping sound to be met with ds, wellies on, umbrella on dancing under the water singing 'i'm singing in the rain' I went absolutely batshit crazy, I certainly wasn't proud of my reaction.

He hasn't done it since tho Hmm

saffy85 · 29/03/2011 18:47

Far too harsh but I feel your pain. DD aged 3 turned the taps back on after I'd finished runnng her bath the other night. "To see what would happen" apparently Hmm

She soon saw. A hysterical mummy who shrieked at the flooded bathroom, shrieked again at burning my hand turning off the taps and pulling the plug and then again when DD slipped over running out the bathroom. She got a very big telling off, she said sorry and kissed my hand better, I kissed her bum better, but it was left at that.

Go give your DS a cuddle, make up with him and don't beat yourself up- you must have got a shock when you saw the mess and you flipped out. shrug. it happens.

therealmrsbeckham · 29/03/2011 20:12

Fernie3 - don't beat yourself up we all have bad days, nobody's perfect. You've done the right thing by saying sorry and giving him cuddles.

I certianly don't think that you are a nutter or a bully - princessparty have you never lost your temper or made a mistake?

nzshar · 29/03/2011 21:13

Fernie3 bless the both of you. As trb said no one is perfect and we all have our red mist moments. All is good now and if its any consolation we have recently had a leak from bathroom through to kitchen a rented place. These things happen I am sure it will be ok :)

Hullygully · 29/03/2011 21:14

my lovely new magazine

oh no! The horror the horror!

FabbyChic · 29/03/2011 21:16

Sorry but you are way over the top the child is FOUR FUCKING YEARS OLD. You should still be supervising bathroom visits to make sure the taps are turned off.

My neighbour has to do it for her six year old still as he forgets.

Get your son and give him a cuddle, the fault lies with you, check when he has finished not fucking assume it's turned off.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 29/03/2011 21:25

Fabby - you really need to calm down. Do you need to start a thread about something of your own, you seem very stressed of late.

You should not need to supervise every visit to the toilet of a 4 year old! Do you really think schools have the time & resources to do this?

daytoday · 29/03/2011 21:31

Oh for god sake, its not the end of the world posters. Calm down.

I think that it was probably best to get the little one out of the way while you tackled the damage and gathered your thoughts. Then you could feel you had sort of overreacted. Its not a crime to overreact neither was it cruel - as that implies you planned, in a controlled way, to upset him.

No, jeepers creepers, you've given him a cuddle now. End of. He'll be fine.

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