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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am 40 today and feeling a bit upset

60 replies

OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 09:10

Ok I am a SAHM and money is extremely tight so I do not expect any grand presents however.....My husband didnt even get me a card and last night he told me that we couldnt go out for a meal together tonight because we have no money.....We went out on Saturday with a group of close friends a night that I arranged he did nothing. My friends paid for our meal and I have to say I was so touched by their generosity and love.So this morning I am sitting here feeling totally unappreciated.We have 3dc and very little sipport I work extremely hard with the kids. His excuse was 'he didnt have time' He has known for a year that I will be turning 40. Even if he had taken the day off work would have been nice. IMO you can do thoughtful lovely things without spending any money.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 29/03/2011 09:11

happy birthday!!

are you sure he hasn't planned something for later? i organised my 40th myself as i knew dp wouldn't know where to start

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 09:12

No he hasnt planned anything.

OP posts:
Charleymouse · 29/03/2011 09:13

Happy 40th OB

horsemadgal · 29/03/2011 09:14

Happy Birthday Oonagh. I'm hoping he comes home with a lovely present for you.

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 09:14

Thank you!!!

OP posts:
BovrilonToast · 29/03/2011 09:16

Happy Birthday! Wine

Hassled · 29/03/2011 09:17

Happy Birthday! And no YANBU to be feeling upset. That's piss poor of him - he had a year to save/plan/make time. I hope he can make it up to you but there needs to be some serious crawling.

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 09:17

LOL BT! THank you, going out to mums and tots but thank you for the kind messages :)

OP posts:
Inertia · 29/03/2011 09:20

Happy birthday, YANBU to be upset. Even if money is tight he could have written a birthday message and got the children to make cards.

Your friends sound lovely :)

roadkillbunny · 29/03/2011 09:21

It is my birthday to today, no card from dh, no gift. Money is very tight so no gift expected but a card would have been nice, he did wish me happy birthday this morning and I have a feeling he may turn up with a card after work. My birthday is not a special one though so I don't think YABU, a gift may be out but a card cost very little and some appreciation nothing. I hope he pulls something out of the bag for you tonight, hand onto the lovely feeling you had from dinner with your friends. I am heading into town to have lunch with ds and may treat myself to a new book or something, is there anyway you could do something small like that yourself?
Happy birthday to you Wine (never too early on your birthday!)

Skinit · 29/03/2011 09:27

Happy Birthday Oonagh! Bugger him! They are crap sometime aren't they? Mine's the same at times.

I turn 40 next year and I'm looking forward to the new era....start today as you mean to go on....treat yourself to a bath and make hi cook you a nice dinner later....when my DH did this I also made him make me a card and I cooked a cake with the DC. t turned out fun....I know it's shit when they do things like this...but reat yurself how you want t be treated.

BrainSurgeon · 29/03/2011 09:30

Happy birthday OP, I hope your DH will surprise you with something nice this evening

It's my big 40 next year and I dread it already, told DP I don't want to celebrate it and now I'm worried he'll listen to me for once! Grin

Enjoy your day as much as you can - here's to you Wine

FabbyChic · 29/03/2011 09:31

Try to have a lovely birthday, shame on your OH for not getting you a card or being more thoughtful.

charlieandlola · 29/03/2011 09:34

Happy Birthday -Brew
My 40th went unacknowledged too.
I was so pissed off, it helped me forget how old I was, so I didn't spend the day wallowing in self pity at my decrepitude.
After midday, have a Wine on me.

Chil1234 · 29/03/2011 09:34

Happy Birthday. And you know exactly what to do next time he has a birthday..... Sit back, relax, and forget all about it.

alegre · 29/03/2011 09:34

Happy Birthday!

I know how you feel. My DH didn't plan anything for my 40th although he did buy a card and a present and he bought an M and S meal and cooked that (yes, 'wow' Hmm).

Over the years, I've just got used to the fact that if I want anything planned for a birthday, anniversary etc I've got to plan it myself. It does still sometimes upset me and means that (for me) it doesn't feel as special but he really can't understand it as there really was no big fuss made on birthdays etc in his family. Still, I have to say, although it's been a few years since my 40th, I'm still quite peeved that for that occasion he didn't do much and I do say that for my 50th I'm expecting some effort! I live in hope (and will probably start contingency plans nearer the time).

Happy Birthday again Wine.
xx

LeQueen · 29/03/2011 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kuantanamera · 29/03/2011 09:41

I do hope that you get some sort of card from him. A home made one would be great. Presents - pah..who needs them? (especially when money is tight).

Some people (me included) just don't think one day is THAT important. It's the rest of the year/years/life that really count. I'm sure he shows he loves you in other ways.

Hope you have a nice day - and hope everyone else that's not having a birthday does too.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 29/03/2011 09:50

Happy 40th....maybe he will come home with something later for you.....crap isnt it!!

It's my 40th on Monday Confused

marriednotdead · 29/03/2011 09:51

Happy Birthday Oonagh and RKB. Have some Wine or Brew, whatever you fancy. Am a Biscuit girl myself Smile

I hope your day gets better. Don't raise your expectations, then anything that comes along is a bonus IYSWIM.

If this turns out to be as good as it gets, then make your own plans for next year! Even a quid a week in a jar will give you enough to treat yourself by then if you start now.

BrainSurgeon · 29/03/2011 09:53

Looks like we can start our own little 40-th club here :)

Happy birthday everyone! Wine Wine Wine

berylmuspratt · 29/03/2011 09:53

Happy Birthday OP.
My 40th was an anti climax tbh. Then my lovely Sister arrived at 9pm after driving 25 miles with a bunch of flowers, a cake and a fairy bubble wand :) I did get a lovely home made card from DS.

The following weekend I arranged for us to go out for the day in York, I know it's not the same but could you arrange something yourself this weekend.

EmmaBemma · 29/03/2011 09:57

LeQueen - maybe now isn't the most tactful time to brag about your own 40th celebrations?!

Happy Birthday Oonagh. Sorry your other half has been so rubbish.

TaffetaCat · 29/03/2011 10:02

Happy Birthday!

Some lots of men are shit at birthdays. DH certainly is. Birthdays aren't made a fuss of in his family, unlike mine. I've got used to organising things for myself, it feels a bit odd to start with, and a little self indulgent, but sooner that than feel resentful and pissed off as nothing has happened.

When money's tight, its hard, but I suggest you get yourself down to M and S and get their dine in for a tenner and tell your DH he's cooking. I think you need to come up with the ideas, and tell him what you want.

poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 10:03

Happy birthday!!! I do hope he makes dinner or does a little something special tonight. Big hug for you... tell us what book you get :)