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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am 40 today and feeling a bit upset

60 replies

OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 09:10

Ok I am a SAHM and money is extremely tight so I do not expect any grand presents however.....My husband didnt even get me a card and last night he told me that we couldnt go out for a meal together tonight because we have no money.....We went out on Saturday with a group of close friends a night that I arranged he did nothing. My friends paid for our meal and I have to say I was so touched by their generosity and love.So this morning I am sitting here feeling totally unappreciated.We have 3dc and very little sipport I work extremely hard with the kids. His excuse was 'he didnt have time' He has known for a year that I will be turning 40. Even if he had taken the day off work would have been nice. IMO you can do thoughtful lovely things without spending any money.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 29/03/2011 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gowest1 · 29/03/2011 10:26

As others had said my 40th was an anticlimax too. Did get a pressie and card though. However, money was not tight. Plus ds seems to to use it more than I do. Did get taken out for a daytime meal though but that was a joint celebration for me and dd as our bithdays are close together. Piad for by in-laws!
Happy Bithday.

plopplopquack · 29/03/2011 10:30

Happy Birthday! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

No money is no excuse for lack of card!

I know some people are saying that birthdays are not that important but it obviously is to you. If he really isn't going to do anything then I would tell him how let down you feel.

TaffetaCat · 29/03/2011 10:36

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Oonagh
Happy Birthday to you

[cake with candles] [pressies] Brew [card]

brass · 29/03/2011 10:43

Dear Oonagh,

As you can see from all the posts, plenty of people who have been in your shoes. It is a milestone and yet it is another day. Unfortunately circumstances are disappointing today but that doesn't mean you can't celebrate if you want to.

I know plenty of people who have had parties no where near their actual birth date iyswim. There is still time to set a date one weekend and have a party or go and do something you would regard as special to you. For example one friend had the birthday in Feb last year but waited until the summer to go camping with other friends who also turned 40 that year. They celebrated together.

It's only March, you'll be 40 all year! Plenty of time to mark the occasion. There is no right or wrong way and you can be as creative as you like. Mass picnic? House party? Really doesn't have to cost very much.

Have a gorgeous rest of the day. x

thebellsofsaintclements · 29/03/2011 10:58

Happy birthday! It's mine today as well, no pressie as skint but got flowers and DP's taken a day off work so we can go for a walk/picnic on Hampstead heath (although it took a tantrum to persuade him to take a day off work!) Hmm It's just a man thing I think

Yanbu

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 29/03/2011 11:02

Happy Birthday.

I have learnt over the years with my dh he attaches very little importance to birthdays a hangover from his childhood (maybe the same for your dh).... but no more !!!

I now remind (gently at first) so there is no excuse, I also treat him very nicely on his birthday (we are poor too, but care and consideration doesn't cost anything, I have made cards and planned free/ very cheap days out for him in the past).

If he does not treat me nicely I leave it a couple of days (just to make sure I'm not being unreasonable) and then tell him that if I was disappointed, he's not a mind reader and I don't expect him to be, but he does have to learn form his mistakes Grin

NormanTheForeman · 29/03/2011 11:24

Happy Birthday!!!!!

If it's any consolation, on my 40th, dh was playing in a concert (amateur orchestra). He said, "You can get a babysitter and come along if you like" (ds was nearly a year old). In the end, ds was throwing up everywhere, then I was ill. Spent the evening feeling sorry for myself at home, while trying to look after ds.

I'll be 50 this year. Not holding my breath!

Do have this Biscuit

CatAmongstPigeons · 29/03/2011 11:33

YANBU (at ALL), what a toerag. You don't need to be rolling in it for him to get you a nice card and some flowers, and maybe cook you a special meal at home.. No excuse he's just being thoughtless.

Maybe you should go out again tonight with your friends and leave him to look after the kids? Grin

Wine Cheers, birthday girl!

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 29/03/2011 11:41

Happy Birthday OonaghBunha!

That sounds a bit grim but if you can find a way to make your day happy do it, because life is too short to be p'eed off that someone else didn't make you happy.

If it's a lovely day where you are take the DC for a picnic after school, go hunting for daffodils to pick and see what joy you can find in the day. I think that sounds a bit twee too but it will work. Also agree with the idea of calling your best friend to do something later.

I hope it gets better for you, I'm joining you in August and am dreading being 40!

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 11:43

Thank you for all of your lovely messages and ideas. I have just been to see a good friend rather than going to mums and tots. We had a lovely time and I am feeling better!!! Happy Birthday to anyone else who is having one either today or soon. X

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 29/03/2011 11:44

Happy 40th Birthday!

YANBU to be upset. If you can't afford to go out then he should be cooking you a nice, candlelit dinner.

valiumredhead · 29/03/2011 11:47

Happy Birthday!

I was 40 last year and I arranged a night out with dh, if I'd left it to him it wouldn't have happened Grin BUT he did give me beautiful flowers and a gorgeous card, and asked if I wanted to choose a ring from a jeweller's I love, so I forgave him Wink

Some people just don't 'get' birthdays - they are more important than xmas to me , so I understand why you feel a bit bleurghhhh.

Oh and you soon get over being 40 - my angst lasted all of about 5 minutes!

valiumredhead · 29/03/2011 11:48

Oh just wanted to add that dh did nothing for me one birthday and it was horrible - I had to explain how unloved I felt. It hasn't happened again.

Ormirian · 29/03/2011 11:49

Happy Birthday!

Sorry about your day. No excuse for forgetting a 40th IMO.

MillsAndDoom · 29/03/2011 11:51

Happy birthday Oonagh

MarshaBrady · 29/03/2011 11:54

Happy birthday Oonagh!
You are right about taking day off etc, I hope he makes it up to you.

TheBIGBadWolf · 29/03/2011 11:54

it's my 40th tomorrow. and I got my period today. cr@p cr@p cr@p. time for a doughnut.

happy birthday ole girl Wine

Magna · 29/03/2011 11:54

Happy Birthday Oonagh.

YANBU

Glad to hear you have had a nice morning though - maybe it's an indication the day is going to get better and better Smile

Quenelle · 29/03/2011 11:56

Happy Birthday Oonagh.

PinkFuschia · 29/03/2011 12:23

Happy Birthday! Wine

My DH grew up in a piss-poor family and really doesn't get the celebrating birthdays thing at all. We moved house on my 40th so I spent the day surrounded by chaos and stress :)

Treat yourself to some nice inexpensive smellies and maybe some candles and when DH gets home, hand DS over to him and have a long hot candle-lit bath and pamper yourself.

IslaValargeone · 29/03/2011 12:31

Happy Birthday Oonagh.
I'm afraid I'm another in the club of forgotten 40ths.
We too had very little cash, but I still think that's a piss poorexcuse for not acknowleging it in some small form.
I hope you manage to have a lovely day.

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 12:46

I have just had a stack of cards in the post from lovely friends. Stuff DH I will pamper myself and make it a nice day :)

OP posts:
whatsallthehullaballoo · 29/03/2011 12:58

I am glad you have got some cards to put up so you can feel more like it is your birthday. Have a lovely evening - try and find a good movie and nip to the shop for some chocolate and wine if you can afford it. Get husband to put the kids to bed if you can so your evening is a bit more restful.
Happy Birthday.

PinkToeNails · 29/03/2011 13:08

Happy birthday.

I hope he makes up for it later.

Is there anything you can do to cheer yourself up? Maybe if you bake a cake for yourself you can make him feel a bit guilty. We have very little money too, so I do understand, but I'm sure he could've managed a card. Even an e-card. I know I've sent a few e-careds this year because cash is that tight.
x