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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am 40 today and feeling a bit upset

60 replies

OonaghBhuna · 29/03/2011 09:10

Ok I am a SAHM and money is extremely tight so I do not expect any grand presents however.....My husband didnt even get me a card and last night he told me that we couldnt go out for a meal together tonight because we have no money.....We went out on Saturday with a group of close friends a night that I arranged he did nothing. My friends paid for our meal and I have to say I was so touched by their generosity and love.So this morning I am sitting here feeling totally unappreciated.We have 3dc and very little sipport I work extremely hard with the kids. His excuse was 'he didnt have time' He has known for a year that I will be turning 40. Even if he had taken the day off work would have been nice. IMO you can do thoughtful lovely things without spending any money.

OP posts:

beadedbelts · 29/03/2011 13:12

Happy Birthday
I know how you feel it was my birthday on sunday and What does every woman want for their 30th?
A light up penguin paper weight of course! from my dad
and a 89p card from my aunt and uncle(who earns so much money he is a tax exile and lives aboard) good to know they got value for money.

The hurtful thing is i lived with my dad for 27 years and he knows nothing about me, not even my age and doesn?t seem to want to. My mum died of cancer over two years ago and not only did i lose a mum I lost my best friend as well. If she was alive today I think she would also be hurt as my dad is also constantly rude to my partner.

dont know what to do, any advice?

Punkatheart · 29/03/2011 13:14

Happy birthday to you!!

OK - the singing will stop.

But the party is here...have a lovely day....

LouMacca · 29/03/2011 13:15

Happy Birthday OP - go and pamper yourself and enjoy your day! Cheers!

beesimo · 29/03/2011 13:15

Don't take the failure on DHs part to heart OP. When we first married My DH always got me the most beautiful presents, then MIL passed away and for some reason he started giving me cash instead. Then when the DDs got into their teens I started geting lovely presents again. Strange or what?

The fact is OP most men are crap at choosing presents and organising treats ect, they just can't 'get round to it'

Ooh I have just recalled once I would of got a new ironing board and matching iron for my Christmas present but luckily the DDs vetoed it!

beesimo · 29/03/2011 13:16

Luckily for DH that is!

DrunkenDaisy · 29/03/2011 13:26

I got a Bon Jovi CD for my bithday . I was surprised to say the least but DH claimed that I once said that I loved them - must have been drunk at the time.

I've told him to start saving now for my 40th as I want to choose a special holiday.

justpaddling · 29/03/2011 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArfurBrain · 29/03/2011 13:38

This must be upsetting Oonagh. Men are sometimes very thoughtless about these things. Agree with others who say you should arrange something nice for yourslef - a family picnic this weekend maybe? - and tell your dh he has to help you make it happen. Peraps he feels a bit depressed at your financial situation and so feels guilty he can't give you the day you deserve. But that's no excuse for not getting you anything!

sharbie · 29/03/2011 13:42

Glad about the pressies from friends - Have a lovely day and enjoy yourself xx

cityhobgoblin · 29/03/2011 14:22

Hope you have a good day Oonagh and that your DH sorts out his current selfishness - it has been known to happen ! - but takes time as the issues / attitudes involved are pretty deep seated & he has first to open his eyes & decide to change. Agree that it's a common thing where people have been allowed to be self - absorbed , which has traditionally been more of a male privelege.

beadedbelts - so sorry for your loss & that your dad upset you on your 3oth. You ask for advice on his behaviour with you and your DP so I'd recommend you go to the wealth of experience on the Relationships board to both read & to post a thread of your own when you feel ready.

You obviously realise that for your own mental health you need to address why your father is disengaged from you & rude to your DP , ie is your dad grieving the still recent loss of your mum - whether they were still together or not - is he depressed & snappy / neglecting matters he normally does care about, even if he would struggle to express it as you need him to? Does your DF have any worries about DP's treatment of you ? or is there a pattern of narcissistic type behaviour in your dad's past which could point to the reasons for his actions ? ( all wild speculation, but posters on threads such as " But we took you to stately homes... " know what they're about with this type of situation). Clearly the Bereavement board can give you more advice on grief reactions - hope you find some answers .

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