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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 9 year old son on facebook? And to be fuming at my ex putting him on there over the weekend?

71 replies

mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 15:32

I'm shaking I'm so angry. DS1 has mentioned in the past that he has friends on facebook hinting that he wants to go on there. I've made it clear that fb has an age limit and that it is there for a reason and I don't want him on there.

It turns out this weekend xp has opened him up an account. I would close it down but I don't know the details. I wouldn't know about it if a girl hadn't been asking what he was on there as.

I'm so angry but feel really bad as I've done the worst thing possible and really embarrassed the poor lad. I flipped, shouted that I was taking him straight off of there when we got home and marched him off down the road.

OP posts:
Desperateforthinnerthighs · 28/03/2011 15:33

YANBU - a 9 year old on FB is just ridiculous. Apart from anything else I thought they had to be 13. One of my friends has opened an account for her 9 year old....I notice she has out his dob as 1996!! Cant phathom it out, especially as she is normally so rational.

Crazy!!

omnishambles · 28/03/2011 15:34

I complained when my ex did this and fb removed the profile without any fuss.

Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 15:36

omnishambles how do you do that? I've sent ex a message and he's refusing because "he's my son as well you know"

OP posts:
knockinonyerdoor · 28/03/2011 15:38

You can report an underage child here

Fb take this very seriously, they will delete the account immediately.

mommmmyof2 · 28/03/2011 15:41

YANBU fb is not a great place anyway, but for a 9 yr old it can be a dangerouse place.It can link you to all sorts and tbh I don't see the need for a 9 yr old to have one.

Sounds like your ex is proving a point more than anything, he shouldn't be using your son like that!

Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 15:44

Thanks knocking. It won't let me though as I don't know the url or email address of his account. DS doesn't know the log in details either. I am blocked from searching for him so can't find the url that way. Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 15:46

mommmmyof2. You've hit the nail right on the head. His next response is that he doen't see the problem and "it's not like I'm a pedo (his spelling) or anything".

Yes he's a lovely man!

OP posts:
Newbabynewmum · 28/03/2011 15:56

If you google your DS's name and Facebook it should come up with his account so you can find the URL there. Hope that helps. Your EX is ridiculous.

knockinonyerdoor · 28/03/2011 16:00

How are you blocked from searching mypanda? Your DS must know what name his account is - he's going to give it to his friends!

Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 16:11

knockin - Nothing comes up when searching his name, it also doesn't appear in exes friends list. Also can't find anything searching google newbaby.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 28/03/2011 16:13

Maybe he has already deactivated it?

FabbyChic · 28/03/2011 16:14

Personally I don't see a problem if it is supervised, and it clearly is.

minibmw2010 · 28/03/2011 16:16

I would imagine that your ExH (when he set up the account) deliberately blocked you knowing full well your reaction to his having an account in the first place. You can be blocked from finding anything out about a person if you use the right setttings.

PaperView · 28/03/2011 16:19

mypanda - if you want me to search just PM me. It could be that your ex has put a block on you which would mean that whether he is there or not, you won't be able to see him anywhere.

I know i am a stranger but the offer is there.

mommmmyof2 · 28/03/2011 16:20

Once you have sorted out this fb thing you need to sort out stupid ex! He can't play games like that at the expense of his child.Yes he is his child too and therfore should be looking out for his wefare.Stupid man.Anyone can pop up on those things.

When I was on there many moons ago, I got onto a link and someone threatened to rape and kill me!

ok it was over the computer but still very scary.

ChrissyHynde · 28/03/2011 16:23

My DD is 12 soon and has been pestering me for ages about FB saying that all her mates are on. I've checked and they pretty much are so have decided to allow her access as a birthday pressie.

MikeRotch · 28/03/2011 16:25

mine are on
aged9

KaraStarbuckThrace · 28/03/2011 16:31

My dss has a FB account, opened when he was 9. DH was very unimpressed but DSS's mum refused to see a problem with it. We contacted our family and friends to warn them that they should not accept DSS's friends request. DH's aunty refused. I noticed a very dodgy link that someone had posted on her FB page and pointed out to her that if she has accepted DSS's request he would be able to see and access the link. She hadn't realised this at all. She blocked him the same as we did - I don't want to have to censor what I put on FB as as far as I am concerned children have no place on it. You can't always control what other people put on either!

mommmmyof2 · 28/03/2011 16:40

i just don't like that you can't control certain things on it, ok I think that you can make it private so it is you who contacts others, but still you just don't know.

Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 16:47

FabbyChic, ex is far from a resposible adult - a drug addict, alcoholic, violent rapist, yes. Responsible adult and father certainly not. This latest episode is all about getting one up on me at the expense of the children.

Mommmy - Been trying for some time to sort him out, been through pretty much every solicitor that accepts legal aid in the process. All with no joy.

I've had plenty of dodgy emails and links posted to my account from friends who've had their account hacked. I know what looks dodgy and what to avoid. A 9 year old doesn't.

Paperview, thanks for the offer. I've searched with DPs account and still nothing coming up. Don't know why (searches all done before I contacted ex, so he wouldn't have had a chance to delete it by then (if he has done since)).

OP posts:
mommmmyof2 · 28/03/2011 16:52

It sounds as though he has problems , should he be having your son just wondering with what you listed?

goodbyemrschips · 28/03/2011 17:01

I have been on fb for a couple of years and never had anything dodgy sent to me.
My settings are for friends only and I only had one request for friendship from someone I did'nt know and found out later it was to do with my photography.

What sort of dodgy things do you guys get sent?

By the way 9 is too young.

Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 17:20

mommmmy, no he shouldn't be. Without any shadow of a doubt. But apparently as alcohol isn't illegal I can't stop that and as for the drugs "it's only cannabis" according to the courts. Hmm Angry Unfortunatley I can't afford a decent solicitor and none that I've seen over the last few years will do anything. I'm trying different ones all the time.

mrschips, I've never opened any, but they're weird messages, or reallt odd posts linking to very obscure stuff.

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mommmmyof2 · 28/03/2011 17:27

That sounds like a horrible situation, I guess it is good that he still wants a relationship with his son, but maybe he should be sorting out his addictions instead of setting up a fb account for his son.

Original poster
mypandasgotcrabs · 28/03/2011 18:01

I'm not so sure he does though. He deliberately got himself the sack a few years ago so that he doesn't have to pay maintenance. Tbh I don't want the money but that's not the point. He offers no physical or emotional support to either of the boys. They see him every other weekend and spend the entire time playing games consoles. They come back stinking of smoke, violent, moody and aggressive having played 18 rated computer games and stayed up until 11, an then up at 5am. He only has a studio flat (claimed that was all he could afford on his £350 a week wages) so even when they are in bed they're not away from the tv or the smoke or the gangs of men drinking in there. It feels like je only has them to get at me

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