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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "rehearsal dinners"are a ridiculous concept?

77 replies

twilight3 · 26/03/2011 13:32

unless I have not fully understood what it's all about.

In all american movies and sit-coms where there's a wedding they have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, where the hosts welcome their guests and thank them for coming, and then the best man and bridesmaid make a speech about the couple etc.

Is this just to practice for the wedding reception following evening??? And the, 24 hours later, they will welcome for real their guests AGAIN and make the heartwarming speaches that everyone has already heard the night before???

AIBU to think this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
Lara2 · 26/03/2011 13:45

Sounds like a waste of time, effort and money to me.

LindaLaPlumeDeMaTente · 26/03/2011 13:46

Yes they are ridiculous, but like 'baby showers' give it a while and we'll ALL be doing it

Melly19MummyToBe · 26/03/2011 13:47

Never heard of a rehearsal dinner before! When my cousin got married they had a practice ceremony at the church but not a dinner!

PonceyMcPonce · 26/03/2011 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CMOTdibbler · 26/03/2011 13:50

IME the rehearsal dinner is for close family and the bridesmaids/bestman/ushers to all meet before the wedding - useful when friends and family are spread far apart and makes the wedding day easier

thumbwitch · 26/03/2011 13:51

I think the rehearsal dinner, as I understood it, is to feed the people who had to come to the rehearsal at the church/venue. And it gives the families of the bride and groom chance to meet each other if they haven't already done so - but I can't see the point of formalising it with speeches and shit - as you say, that's all going to happen again the next day.

I didn't do it, wouldn't have wanted to do it. Didn't do baby shower either, not wedding shower, nor hen party (well not a big formal one, I did have teeny informal one the night before my wedding!)

Makingaminime · 26/03/2011 13:53

We had a rehearsal at the church a few days before and then both families and the wedding party decanted back to my Mum and Dad's for dinner. Was lovely. No speeches or anything though and was only a small group.

We had another dinner the night before (again at my Mum and Dads) which consisted of all the extended family who had travelled a long way. Was a fab catch up before the day itself.

So YANBU to think the American style of all guests + speeches etc is OTT. But YABU to think that all rehearsal dinners are conducted that way.

Makingaminime · 26/03/2011 13:56

Reading back my post... my poor grammar may have led you to believe that our dinner the night before consisted of guests. That would be weird. I meant those attending were guests who had travelled a long way. No cannibalism involved whatsoever.

Original poster
twilight3 · 26/03/2011 13:58

Don't call it rehearsla dinner then, it's just dinner so people can catch up and have time to see each other as they won't be able to on the wedding day.

"rehearsal dinner" means that you're rehearsing for the following night, no?

OP posts:
Original poster
twilight3 · 26/03/2011 13:59

Makingaminime, I'm lad you didn't eat your guests Smile

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Makingaminime · 26/03/2011 14:00

Me too. The old dears would have been far too tough Grin

brass · 26/03/2011 14:02

American import along with proms, limos, playdates etc

Bathsheba · 26/03/2011 14:04

Quite often in the US though the wedding "receptions" are simply a drink and a bit of cake in a church hall or similar....or the wedding is in the morn ing and its all done by mid afternoon, unlike the UK's all day events...

So they are basically teh sit down meal part of the wedding reception, just before the wedding as its a lot weasier to limit the numbers...

You can then limit the numbers to just very close friends and family and those involved int he ceremony, but have a LOT more people at the wedding (because you don't need a full meal for them....)

Also in the US it is traditional for the Groom's family to host the rehersal dinner and the bride's family to host the wedding ereception, so if you are wanting to stick to paying tradition it evens all that out a bit...

Makingaminime · 26/03/2011 14:06

The first of my dinners was definitely a rehearsal dinner, as it was straight after the church rehearsal. It wasn't that the dinner itself was rehearsal for the wedding. The second could just be called a catch-up as that's what it was, and there was no rehearsal involved at all.

theoldtrout01876 · 26/03/2011 14:08

Everyone has a rehearsal dinner over here.Ive never heard of the speeches bit though.I always thought they were pretentious as any I know of personally have been a chance for the grooms parents ( who usually pay for it ) to show off. I will admit though that I married into an Italian American family ( ex now thank god ) so maybe its like that for them and not universal
Got to say the place booked for mine burnt down the day before,should have paid more attention to the omens and run like hell :o

Original poster
twilight3 · 26/03/2011 14:10

I was so bullied by both sets of parents to have a big wedding that I hated every moment of it, there's no way I'd even consider to rehearse the bloody ceremony?

Making, why exactly do people do that (and I'm asking you because you did) ? TO make sure it will all go smoothly? Does it not take away part of the real thing? It's not a show really... and accidents happen.

btw, I'm not taking the piss, I'm seriously wondering... Does it not away part of the magic of the real thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
twilight3 · 26/03/2011 14:12

I don't know why I asked the same thing twice Blush

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Makingaminime · 26/03/2011 14:19

It's normal practice in the Catholic church, and I think in other Christian denominations as well.

Nope didn't take any magic away whatsover, completely put our mind at ease that we all knew where to stand. The musicians, priest, bridesmaids, best man, readers, and parents were there. Wasn't really a run-through of the whole thing, just more of a "this is the layout of the church, the is where so and so will sit, this is how many paces it takes to walk up the aisle" etc kind of thing. The church isn't usually set up for weddings so chairs had to be moved, a table set up, pews reserved for family and so on.

I never gave it a second thought to be honest, so used to the concept of a rehearsal, as I am a musician and have played at many weddings. And stuff went wrong anyway but I didn't kill anyone care Grin

Meglet · 26/03/2011 14:22

My U.S family are Catholics so we all went to the rehearsal dinners when we went over their for the weddings. I loved saying grace at the table, we don't do it over here.

Adversecamber · 26/03/2011 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katiepoes · 26/03/2011 14:29

I've been at one, it was a very informal party two nights bfore the weddding, a buffet and drinks at a bar. We were invited from 5 until 8, and it was really nice. There was no actual rehearsal, it was a chnace for the people who had come from all over the world to mingle before the full on formal wedding.

Why the sneering? It's a tradition same as any other, the cost is factored into the couple's plans. Whi is that worse than paying for chair covers? Or giving everyone personalised matchboxs/sweeties/china tat?
Is it (whisper) because it's an American tradition so must be crass and commercial? Nobody mocks weddings in India that last days and have 1000+ guests.

NotQuiteCockney · 26/03/2011 14:40

They're a normal thing in North America - generally only people in the wedding party attend, although sometimes other people who've travelled far are included.

It's a nice less-formal dinner, and a chance to meet everyone.

mummytime · 26/03/2011 14:41

I've been to a US rehearsal dinner. It was Lasagna for everyone who had traveled from out of town to the wedding, and those involved in the ceremony. It was pretty informal and a great time to chat to the happy couple and their friends/family. The wedding day itself was shorter than in the UK, but that bit had the speeches etc.

For at least 2 UK weddings I know they have had drinks/meal at a restaurant for those out of town the night before the wedding. Again if people are travelling hundreds of miles its nice to do something as a group. In the UK it was very much pay your own way, in the US a Caterer brought in Lasagna.

fatlazymummy · 26/03/2011 15:14

It seems rather unneccesary IMO, that's because to me a wedding should just be one day. I didn't feel the need to spread it out any longer, and I would probably decline as a guest unless it was one of my children's weddings. I don't actually see the need for a rehearsal either, it's not a play.
Having said that, each to their own, as always.

Original poster
twilight3 · 26/03/2011 15:33

there's no sneering! And all these events you describe are not rehearsal dinners as hollywood presents them, they're just dinners, they happen around a wedding day because people get together for that wedding.

I would find it ridiculous if there was an actual rehearsal though.

And I've lived in many countries, don't have a problem with other nations' traditions. On the other hand, we do seem to import an awful lot of american traditions, like baby showers and rehearsal dinners. For and english couple to have a full on wedding the way they do them in India it would be weird, baby showers though are definitely here to stay!

OP posts: