To pause in graveyard and weep at this

[BellaMagnificat]

Saddest I saw was this (witholding the family name)

In loving memory

Harold 1893-1896

Samuel 1904-1905

Wilfred 1897-1916 Killed in action

Ethel 1891-1917

Mabel 1893-1923

Nora 1900-1929

How utterly cruel. How did the families ever get past it?

'One of my Aunts had a FT stillbirth in the 50's. They weren't even allowed to hold the LO, let alone bury him.'

Princess Di's mother had a stillborn son and wrote, near her death, that her arms still ached to hold that baby.

Gravestones are often very moving.

So glad people have posted the poems by Wordsworth, Jonson and others showing that just because infant mortality was high in previous centuries didn't mean people were unaffected. If you read historical diaries, you can see the pain of losing a child was just as heart-rending in the 16th, 17th or 18th centuries as it is today.

My mother's parents lost twin babies before she was born, one after the other. My mother was told after the first twin died, the other twin never smiled again ? except once, when he saw his reflection in a mirror. Heartbreaking.

My mum always seemed a little lost and lonely through her life even though she overall had a good life and enjoyed it. She never really knew her mother who died at 26 yrs when my mum was only 9mths old. Her mother had already buried my mums 2 older brothers who had died when they were just toddlers before my mum was born. I think of my grandad and how much pain and heartache he had to deal with at such a young age. When my mum died she was sure she would at last meet her mother - her only concern that her mum would still be this young 26 yr old whereas my mum would be a grandmother in her 60's. I can't even imagine the effect all this had on my mum when she was a child and growing up - I have been so lucky in comparison.

I was at my lovely aunt's grave yesterday with my 2 dc. She only died last month and it is still very raw.

After we put down flowers, we wandered up and down the rows, just reading and talking about them. It was so peaceful and calming for us all.

It also brought me up short a bit, seeing some names I remember- particularly a girl the same age as me who was knocked down on her way to the shops at age 10. Other people- more of my parents age I remember.

I've never had anyone buried before- it's always been cremations. I find it more comforting having a place to go than I ever believed I could.

There is a website/fb page (A serious, sensitive organisation, who archive these photos from around the world) that has a large number of memorial photos of children. Very sad, some of them are of the parents holding the children dressed up. You can see the pain in their faces. Unbelievably, a lot are of siblings holding the child. It makes you wonder the effect that would have had on a 4/5 year old, having to sit still for a minute or two whilst the photographic plate developed.

I put flowers on my mother's grave every couple of days for three years after she died. She had a horrid death and I felt so guilty that I wasn't there. Graveyards are places of indescribable importance and comfort. The ninety year old lady who's mother died at her birth has been to her husband's grave daily for over ten years. She feels very firmly that he's there. My father never knew what happend to his own father until a few years ago, it was a wartime thing. When he found out what had happened he took soil from the place his father was shot and buried it properly. Only soil probably, but a funeral of sorts and a tangible thing. In the dilapidated Jewish cemetary in Warsaw there's a wall just with names and some photos, but still somewhere for families to go. It gives a sense of something to what might be nothing I suppose.

I cry at gravestones all the time. I'm researching some family history and when I find a child missing from the census, it moves me even though I didn't know them.

There's a beautiful poem by Raymond Carver which we used at my mother's funeral. It's called Fragment.

"And did you get what you wanted from this life even so? I did. And what was it you wanted? To call myself beloved; to feel myself beloved upon the earth."