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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I possible am BU, but i cant help feeling like 'Oh well you brought it on yourself'

58 replies

CheekyLittleSox · 25/03/2011 13:18

Someone on FB i know, went to school with. She is in council property. Last year she was threatened with Eviction for non payment of rent. It went to court, she got postponed possession order on her house.

In the months that has followed shes complained and complained about neighbours, gypsies nicking stuff out her garden (scrap metal etc etc) how the area is rough and she hates it, she cant leave the house because she get threatened by locals because she complained to the council about noisey parties that neighbours have held etc etc.

Last week she posted on her status about how her life is fucked and nothing goes right for her. It turns out shes been given an eviction date for again non payment of rent. She says its because housing benefit fucked up by not paying the full rent and that she didn't need to pay anything.

BUT last year she told me that she had to pay so much per week to pay off arrears.

Now am i being unreasonable for thinking 'you brought it on yourself' her bloke hasn't had a job for a few years, shes pregnant with baby number 3 so cant work as shes due in next 2 months. When he bloke does get a job he lasts one day as its not the job he thought it would be Hmm

Am i BU or am i just being a heartless cow?!

But whats pissing me off is that she goes on about having no money and how shes skint and that she needs to find £500 by middle of April before eviction date to pay off arrears, yet she dines at Mcdonalds everyday, always having takeaway and buying animals like Geckos and bearded dragons. Hmm

OP posts:
Ormirian · 25/03/2011 14:18

Of course you are being unreasonable. Thinking ''Oh well you brought it on yourself'' about someone in a bad place is always unreasonable.

But if all you are doing is thinking it it only harms you.

TakeItOnTheChins · 25/03/2011 14:20

Well on the information we've been given, I'm quite happy to judge. She sounds like the worst sort of "Gimme Gimme Gimme", self-entitled chavvy career breeder.

I think that those of you judging the OP for judging, should stop being so judgey.

ForShizzle · 25/03/2011 14:20

I hope you have changed some of these details because there is a lot of personal information given here. In her situation, I wouldn't want the details of my rent arrears and the death of my child posted about on AIBU.

Birdsgottafly · 25/03/2011 14:21

It would block the OP from understanding the situation and really trying to help. If thats how you feel about someone don't pretend to be a friend and not be trueful.

mumblechum1 · 25/03/2011 14:32

I do wish you'd mentioned that her child had died in your OP; lost of us would not have been so judgemental, I think.

CheekyLittleSox · 25/03/2011 14:34

She posts alot more than what i have posted on Facebook Beleive me.

Also takeitothechin thank you Grin

OP posts:
CheekyLittleSox · 25/03/2011 14:34

i was rushing

OP posts:
elseIlltellyourfather · 25/03/2011 14:55

Good grief. My DH has RA too (as do members of his family, including my MIL). He lives with constant pain, fatigue and awareness of the joint degeneration which is happenning to him. It is a disease of the immune system and as such sufferers have to take immuno-suppresents to manage some of the symptoms. They then catch every bug going and are floored by it. Too lose a child too? Good grief.

Grabby Chav, wanting all that good fortune I say.

Birdsgottafly · 25/03/2011 14:57

If you agree with TIOTC why are you friends with this woman. She also has the right to self disclose, and she may not be thinking straight when she does, through grief, that does not mean that her life is for sharing by everyone.

darleneconnor · 25/03/2011 14:57

Give her a break and tell her to contact cab/shelter.

plopplopquack · 25/03/2011 14:58

Doesn't the fact that she doesn't want a house with stairs because of Arthritis seem reasonable to you OP?

CheekyLittleSox · 25/03/2011 15:15

Iv told her to contact CAB/SHELTER her excuse is they wont be able to help me.

She might not want a house with stairs in but she doesnt fail to run up the steps to the big slide at the park - no difference.

Knew i shouldnt have posted on AIBU.

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 25/03/2011 15:18

YABU. Really quite horribly so actually.

Ciske · 25/03/2011 15:31

Are you annoyed because you HAVE been in that situation, you know there is a way out, and can't understand why she would just throw in the towel? It can be immensely frustrating to hear people complain constantly yet not take action to resolve their problems, and, in my view, YANBU to run out of patience with her.

BulletWithAName · 25/03/2011 15:34

Na, I'd judge her as well. We live in a council place, and we have never been behind with our rent- we proritise it because we don't want to lose the roof over our heads and have our children end up homeless.

I agree with WhatTakeItOnTheChins said too!

CheekyLittleSox · 25/03/2011 21:14

ciske & bullet

your right in what im trying to say. its very frustrating. she could loose her son yet she doesnt seem to bother doing anything about it. She is now asking people which new mobile phone she should get and i just want to shout at her that that is not her main priority right now, but fighting for her child and unborn child are :(

There is just no helping people :(

OP posts:
shmoz · 25/03/2011 21:23

A bearded dragon? wtf?

Birdsgottafly · 25/03/2011 21:27

Why aren't you saying that to her?. She needs a friend to be honest with her. Can you not find it within yourself to put some of her behaviour down to grief and not thinking straight and gently challenge her?. Why and under what circumstances did you become friends? Why is her DP not being responsible?. Why are you still friends with her?

Portofino · 25/03/2011 21:31

Can I ask....do you actually see this person in RL, or only chat to her on FB? To me there is a big difference in how I would deal with this.

amberleaf · 25/03/2011 21:39

The only feeling i have about this woman from what you've posted is sympathy for a person whos obviously not very happy at the mo and has dealt with/still living with some horrible shit.

CheekyLittleSox · 25/03/2011 21:42

I went to school with her. I do feel for her but in a months time she will be asking what do i do now, im homeless and i've lost my son. :( i dont want that happen to her. But i cant help her as she makes out that im being nasty when i tell her to ring CAB/SHELTER etc etc

OP posts:
Portofino · 25/03/2011 21:48

But do you actually see her? There is big difference in the support you can offfer....

kylesmybaby · 25/03/2011 21:54

OP - with what you have posted on here about her i dont think your the right person to offer her any help at all. everything you have said is negative about her.

you sound so patronising - all you know about her are her daily updates.

you are meant to be her 'facebook friend' - wow glad your not her enemy then!

StayFrosty · 25/03/2011 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 25/03/2011 22:25

Be honest with her, it doesn't really matter if you fall out, your advice isn't helping and you don't seem to like her anyway. She needs to listen to her social worker and access help for her various problems. You cannot really be of any help. If she is trying to use you as a listening ear, you haven't got any empathy for her so she is wasting her time and not being pushed in the right direction. She doesn't need people to smile and nod at her, whilst judging her, while she has so much to lose.

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