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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should have been given a woman?

115 replies

Deliainthemaking · 24/03/2011 16:35

I have physio for my joints and went to a new clinic to start a newcourse of physio. was told to bring shorts and expecting to go to like a hall its all behind curtains like on a ward? but a bit more space and a little bed.

I was told to get dressed into my shorts by the nurse and told to wait for my physio instructor, expecting a woman ..in came this beefy bloke looked like MR motivator bless him

I was a bit Shock in my shorts and fat legs

but I thought meh, physio not usually intrusive...wrong!

I had to lie down on bed usual stuff like feeling knees, but stretching my legs inwards he had to push down on back of my legs and his head was pretty close to erm...a certain area. Pushing my legs as far over my head as I could get them

I had to touch my toes , and had to keep touching the back of my legs to see tonage / hamstring stuff
I just felt self concious, seemed like a nice bloke but would it have been more appropriate for a woman to be doing this?

Or am I BU

OP posts:
mamas12 · 24/03/2011 19:31

Delia.
I know exactly how you feel. It is unsettling at the least to have your personal space invaded by a strange (as in stranger) man.
Next time just ask for a woman.
You are not wrong to feel this at all.

gasman · 24/03/2011 19:32

Nadiawadia

hate to break it to you but until 2000 the majority of medical school intake was male.

Therefore all medical specialities were 'male' specialities.

Most of the young male gynae guys I work with are gay. Make of that what you will.

You can state a preference but the NHS doens't necessarily have to accomodate it and on occassion it can be detrimental to your care eg. a woman once waited almost 12hrs for me to come on duty to have an epidural as she wouldn't allow my (excellent) male colleagues x 5 to see her naked back. This was a very freaky day in modern medicine when everyone on duty from minion - Consultant level was male. Increasingly it is the other way round.

Crawling · 24/03/2011 19:38

Probably because the female ones are kept for vaginal physio which I can say is far more intrusive, I was glad to have a female.

upahill · 24/03/2011 19:43

'Come on, if you were offered the choice between a male or female gynaecologist, assuming they were equally qualified, which would you choose?'

I would choose the one who had the next available appointment tbh.

kat2504 · 24/03/2011 19:43

Vaginal physio! That is something I am happy to say I have never heard of before. What, if I may ask, is that? In that situation you are of course quite reasonable to request a female. If you are happy to wait until the female is available. I frequently ask to see a female GP (mainly cos she is nice and a very good doctor rather than just because she is female). However, it is harder to get a convenient appointment so I can't just expect to demand a female, especially if I need an appt in the next day or two.

NadiaWadia · 24/03/2011 19:45

Booyhoo

I find the way you express your opinions offensive. My point of view is seemingly in the minority on here, but its still valid. Do you have some kind of vested interest in this?

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 19:48

what about the way i express my opinions offends you?

my interest is that i dont like sexism.

Crawling · 24/03/2011 19:49

Well you go to regular appointments often involves hand being stuck in there for 15 minutes asking you to do pelvic floors while they feel around and massage any torn muscles or scar tissue, it is for incontinence, or difficulty urinating Grin

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 19:49

please also feel free to answer my previous questions.

BeerTricksPotter · 24/03/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 24/03/2011 19:55

'Most of the young male gynae guys I work with are gay.'

Snap! Same when I worked in the Women's Clinic attached to a county hospital in a major US city.

Have had vaginal physio (1 forceps, 1 ventouse delivery). Female physio.

But I'm one of those people who just doesn't care what gender the caregiver is as long as he/she is professional and helps me get rid of whatever pain I'm having!

My father had a female urologist when he had prostate cancer. Someone actually asked him if it were weird. He said, 'I don't give a damn as long as they get that fucking cancer out!'

Many colorectal surgeons are male. If you get bowel cancer, are you going to refuse to see whom you're given and risk dying of embarrassment?

SauvignonBlanche · 24/03/2011 20:02

'Come on, if you were offered the choice between a male or female gynaecologist, assuming they were equally qualified, which would you choose?'

The quickest if I was in a rush, the nicest if I wasn't.

Crawling · 24/03/2011 20:04

I do agree with expat while I was happy and more comfy with a female I was/am in so much pain I would not have complained if I had a male physio.

expatinscotland · 24/03/2011 20:10

The incontinence and painful sex were not good, Crawling! I hear ya.

NadiaWadia · 24/03/2011 20:10

Booyhoo - No of course I am not talking about other types of jobs!

Only ones that involve being very closely involved with very personal body parts belonging to people of the opposite gender. It seems wrong somehow that men should be the main ones to have power and knowledge in this area.

I have already given the example of my father's friend. Hopefully things are getting better but there are still many men out there who find womens' bodies disgusting particularly their vaginal secretions- you have heard of this right? There are gay men out there as well who are repulsed by women's bodies and don't mind saying so.

But of course you can carry on pretending that everything in the garden's lovely, if you want.

What I find offensive is your frequent use of 'pathetic' because you don't agree with me. I could label you and your opiniions if I liked. 'Smug' is one that springs to mind.

mamas12 · 24/03/2011 20:12

It is a very good thing that everyone on here says that they would be happy with any HCP of either gender.
But this is not the ops or my preference. It is a serious issue if you don't want to be seen by a male or vice versa, so stop belittling this issu please.
Maybe the title of the op should have said should I have asked for a woman.

expatinscotland · 24/03/2011 20:16

'It is a serious issue if you don't want to be seen by a male or vice versa, so stop belittling this issu please.
Maybe the title of the op should have said should I have asked for a woman.'

No one's denying that! But this is the NHS. If you want immediate accommodation of a gender request, then you need to go private (and good luck even with that in some cases) or be prepared to wait till one is available.

BooyHoo · 24/03/2011 20:17

actually i used the word pathetic once and it was in response to your post where you used the word first.

if it is smug to challenge sexsim then i am happy to be smug. i would not be happy to be sexist which is what, if i felt so inclined, i could label you.

"I have already given the example of my father's friend. Hopefully things are getting better but there are still many men out there who find womens' bodies disgusting particularly their vaginal secretions- you have heard of this right? There are gay men out there as well who are repulsed by women's bodies and don't mind saying so."

one example does not prove a case i'm afraid. i do not dispute that some men find women's bodies disgusting. i would however expect any man (or woman for that matter) to remain professional and to pass no personal remarks WRT a patient's body. to insist that the whole field of gynaecology should be dominated by women for this reason is ridiculous. women can be disgusted by other women's bodies just as much as men can. again, i expect them to remain professional when at work. their personal opinion must not affect their professional duty to the patient.

mollymole · 24/03/2011 20:20

if you have a problem with the sex of your medical professional then pay private and take your pick - if you are having NHS treatment just be pleased you are getting it at all - personally I don't give a shit who treats me as long as they do the job right

stoatie · 24/03/2011 20:33

OP - you are quite within your rights to ask for a female physio ( I have a personal space issue and hate anything - OH once bought me a massage treatment as part of my Christmas present - I hated every minute of it), however there may be a wait to be seen by different physio, plus many physio's specialise in different areas after qualification - the physio you had may be the most skilled, others might not be.

Regarding medical jobs and gender, I have worked in the NHS a long time, I used to work in rehab which often meant helping men and women with personal care and getting dressed. No-one seemed to have a problem with me (female) working with them, but one member of the team was male, he preferred not to see female patients alone, so tended to have male ones- until one day when the patient became very angry about being seen by male staff, to quote him "I ain't gay, no way am I having another man peering at my bits" (well he used stronger language than that). My point being that gender is irrelevant unless the individual is uncomfortable with it - and in that case it should always be respected - where possible. I have know labouring women request only to be seen by female doctors - this is not always possible in an emergency situation.

Onetoomanycornettos · 24/03/2011 20:40

I have unfortunately had lots of gynae treatment, and fortunately had two lovely children. plus the usual smears etc. Probably upwards of thirty different staff had poked around in my bits. I can't say I have the remotest preference for women doing it rather than men.

As for massages, same again. Had several massages by men, including a regular Chinese masseur who used to visit to massage the whole family (not at the same time). Perhaps you think he's an all-round kind of pervert...

ZillionChocolate · 24/03/2011 21:06

I have been seeing a male private physio for over ten years. I'd been through a series of women before that who weren't very effective. I think it's wrong to describe medical treatment as "an invasion of your personal space", as you consent to it. I don't think it's particularly nice to have anything intimate done out of necessity, whether the medic is male or female.

I think it would be reasonable to request your preference, but I don't think the NHS should guarantee it. I do think you were unreasonable to think you should have been given a woman. This thread rather suggests that most people don't care.

niceday · 24/03/2011 22:08

I'd certainly prefer a female for gynae, but would accept a male out of necessity. The preference would be less strong for massage/physio (except vaginal physio!).
I don't suspect their motives. It's just women do have the same parts... So it feels like a lesser intrusion of my privacy.
And now thinking about it, I'd prefer a female dentist, and a female GP. These I guess because I was used to it, and the word "doctor" is associated with a female in my head.

Original poster
Deliainthemaking · 25/03/2011 10:55

I may have been a bit hasty in my expectation of it being a woman of course the NHS is very stretched.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/03/2011 11:13

Try requesting a female next time if that's what you feel most comfortable with, but be prepared to wait if need be.