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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to rant about the stupidity of my dp?

110 replies

Rosedee · 24/03/2011 08:34

So dp getting ready for work. I go into bathroom and ds is with dp. Dp ready to leave so I say please put ds in his cot with a few toys til I have finished in bathroom. Here's the dilemma, I had stripped the cot and put the mattress on one end to air a bit and was planning on re making shortly.
So when I ask dp to put ds in cot he is faced with this and has to ask me what to do as "there is no mattress" aaargh!!
How bloody hard is it to lay a mattress back down? It's not like I asked him to make it up again (which also stumped him once as he couldn't work out how to put a fitted cot sheet back on ffs)
Does anyone elses dp lack an ounce of common sense or is it just mine?

OP posts:
PotatoesOfTheCarribean · 25/03/2011 11:01

I will admit to having a row with DP about this recently. For the most part he's pretty good, but there are some things (case in point was getting dinner ready for DS) that he seems to have a blind spot about. I was late back on Saturday and asked him why he hadn't started getting dinner ready for DS as it was his tea time, and he just hadn't thought it it. He started blaming me for not showing him how to do it (um.. any numpty can shove some fish fingers in the oven) and had a big hissy fit and said he'd only do it wrong anyway Hmm

Perhaps that's where my negativity is coming from. Grin

ChestnutSoup · 25/03/2011 11:03

I can't decide if I'm relieved that it's not just my DH who is like this, or depressed that this makes his behaviour normal

GloriaSmut · 25/03/2011 11:04

This "I'd only do it wrong anyway" is an enormous cop out. They only "do it wrong" because they couldn't be arsed with the task at all, let alone with any interest in quietly noting how it is done in their home.

PotatoesOfTheCarribean · 25/03/2011 11:09

He was pissed off because he'd forgotten to do it, and thought I was criticising his parenting of DS, when I was just criticising his lack of ability to read a frozen food packet Grin

thumbwitch- didn't mean to piss you off, we 'know' each other (our DS's are just a few days apart and you PMd me v recently)

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 11:12

that's true gloriasmut.
My brother was past master at doing things wrong - he made the washing up into the hardest chore imaginable and stuff often came out dirtier than it had gone in! But my mum couldn't face making HIM re-do it (which would have stopped it happening) so she re-did it. It didn't entirely get him out of doing it at all, but he always did a shit job of it, as if to say "see, this is your punishment for making me do stuff I don't want to".
And yes, I DO know for a fact that was his attitude - his favourite joke ever is:
How many men does it take to do the washing up?
None - it's women's work.

Git.

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 11:14

Potatoes - no, I was very over-sensitive to it tonight - other people have been saying similar earlier in the thread and I didn't react but I was so fucked off with DH this eve that I just saw red, sorry.

Did you used to be someone in one of my favourite films then?

PotatoesOfTheCarribean · 25/03/2011 11:15

That would be me, yes. You like my new name? Grin

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 11:18

I do. It's very good.Grin
I think I have calmed down a bit now I have had a rant about DH this eve!
buggery men.

PotatoesOfTheCarribean · 25/03/2011 11:26

arf Wink

elinorbellowed · 25/03/2011 11:26

Mine is a SAHD and has recently got so much better at all this stuff. Out of sheer necessity.I spend my day off doing the things he's missed, but I have higher standards of cleanliness. We rarely row about it, except the other day I realised that every night of several weeks he has taken down a book from the shelf which he has then neglected to replace and every day I had replaced it. Until I snapped with "how fucking difficult is it to move this book two inches higher to the fucking shelf." Fortunately he saw the funny side and find't take it as an affront to his manhood. His mum never expected them to do anytging round the house and it's taken me 12 years to retrain him.

Nefret · 25/03/2011 11:26

I haven't read all through this thread but in my opinion men really don't have much common sense. They are worse than children in most cases. I don't know how they actually ever live on there own, or maybe their common sense just disappears the minute they live with a woman Wink

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 11:35

12 years? Oh God. what I mean is, have I got to wait that long to get a decent level of co-operation? I'm 5 years in, so that's another 7...
Argh!

whatsallthehullaballoo · 25/03/2011 11:36

Actually does anyone else's husband say this

" I have so much to remember from work that there is no way I can remember the non-important stuff around the house blah blah blah"

I could actually spontaneously combust when he says this...so much so, no words come out and I choke on my own saliva...long enough for him to move away before I can confront him. S.O.B

Hereforlife · 25/03/2011 11:37

Good to see no sweeping generalisations on here.
Men are worse than children, really? Well perhaps a better choice in men would be a good idea.

And fancy leaving a book out, if what you said had been said to a
sahm the only book mentioned would have been by Lundy Bancroft.

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 11:50

oh good, there's another one in the set:
the implication of "well why did you marry him then if he's so crap"
Yes, well of course ALL men show their true colours before you marry/live with them, don't they. Hmm

How many men do you think are actually that good? Answer = not enough to go around. Obviously. And probably a good percentage of the ones who are good at housework etc. are gay (yes, another sweeping generalisation)

FFS.

Angry again now. Perhaps the one rant wasn't enough?

Hereforlife · 25/03/2011 12:06

Men who are good at housework are probably gay?

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 12:08

you need to learn to read properly, hereforlife.

E320 · 25/03/2011 12:10

I had to talk my H through putting a load of washing on, once. He knew how to use a washing machine, but, for some odd reason, was "scared" of putting his son's (my DSS) bedding in ours. OK it was "my" washing machine in the sense that I had it before we were married, but even so.
Oh yes and H was a computer scientist, so I "know" about "cable salad".
You have my sympathy.

Hereforlife · 25/03/2011 12:10

'And probably a good percentage of the ones who are good at housework etc. are gay (yes, another sweeping generalisation)'

SecretNutellaFix · 25/03/2011 12:11

In many cases, men ARE worse than children.

Children are willing to learn, will respond to praise, but men are adults and if they don't believe they should do something, they won't.

Just over 3 years ago, I went on a Housework strike. I had to resort to paper plates a few times because he wouldn't do the washing up. He moaned so I told him to either do the dishes or buy a dishwasher.

He did the dishes, but the strike had to be repeated a few times for him to get the message. He got so fed up that when his work was being completelt gutted and re-fitted he bought the dishwasher for a tenner. Still going strong.

Now he hoovers, washes the cats bowls by hand, does all the dishwasher loading, does most of the garden heavy work and he does the upstairs bathroom and the windows as well. He also cleans the living room and does a purfunctory clean of the kitchen works surfaces.

I cook, do the deep clean of the kitchen and any problme pans, all the washing and I iron his work shirts which are the only things that get ironed plus the shopping.

He does now, after living together for 9 years, get why I used to get so upset when things weren't put away or done. I don't expect him to be perfect, but he does now share the load and we are both happier. With the exception of him finding the laundry basket.Smile

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 12:13

yep - that's what I said. not "men who are good at housework are probably gay". If you're going to paraphrase, you need to get the same meaning out of it.

Hereforlife · 25/03/2011 12:18

Basically you've picked partners who are crap or not interested in housework and see it as the woman's role to do it.

I don't see how trying to justify it with the all men are crap at housework myth is going to help. It's a huge cop-out.

Most men aren't children or crap at this stuff.

The ones you've picked are, that's something you have to accept or sort out.

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 12:20

and that's what we're doing. but in the meantime it helps us to avoid stabbing them with the potato peeler to have a vent about it - here is as good a place as any other.
Any other "useful" comments?

GloriaSmut · 25/03/2011 12:25

Oh do fuck off, hereforlife and take your Perfect Man and Sanctimonious Hat with you. We are having some healthy venting about some of the domestic uselessness that we encounter from time to time. Far better to do this and keep a sense of perspective and amusement about life.

Rosedee · 25/03/2011 12:34

Potatoes. I told him he's a grown up and he can bloody well do it tomorrow morning and do it properly. He'll probably bitchand moan but I can ignore deal with that.

OP posts:
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