Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like it when DP's family kiss DS on the lips?

62 replies

joymaker · 19/03/2011 14:48

Every time we see DP's family the female members ask for/give kisses to DS (10.5 months) on the lips. Needless to say they love him very much and lavish him with gifts and attention.

It is simply something that I am unaccoutomed to from my upbring and find myself wincing everytime it is done, yet they think it very 'cute'. I haven't been able to bring myself to say anything for fear of upsetting/offending them (and what/how could I say it?)though I'm not sure I can bear it much longer.

OP posts:
colditz · 19/03/2011 14:49

They aren't doing anything wrong. They are kissing him, not copy/pasting his head onto photos of make models.

oopslateagain · 19/03/2011 14:53

My PIL's do it too - to DH and I as well as DD. I think it's vile.

I think it does depend on your upbringing. Our family never did it, only between married couples. Everyone else kissed on the cheek.

DH and I obviously kiss on the lips, and our DD does it too with us but not with anyone else.

MIL particularly does it but her lips are always wet and I have to shudder inwardly and resist obviously wiping my mouth. I always try to turn my head at the last moment but she anticipates it now and darts her head sideways to catch my lips, eeewwww! Envy

Skinit · 19/03/2011 14:55

YANBU I don't like it either....it's unecassary. He's a baby and they have germs on their mouths...why don't you just say "Oh, he's coming down with a cold so it's as well not to kiss his mouth."
Or just joke and say "Eew! He'll be avoiding those sloppy aunty kisss soon and I don't blame him!....Lip kissing is gross!"

feeblephoebe · 19/03/2011 14:56

how ridiculous, as long as they are kissing them and not thumping the living daylights out of them, I would be very happy

Skinit · 19/03/2011 14:56

Ew oops! Just say CHEEKS ONLY! I wouldn't put up with that!

Skinit · 19/03/2011 14:56

feeble it's not "ridiculous"! It's the OPs feelings about intimate kissing.

HecateTheCrone · 19/03/2011 14:57

oops - have you considered slipping her the tongue? I'm reasonably confident she'd not go for another one in future.

not 100% confident. Just reasonably confident.

I'm not responsible for anything that happens if she likes it.

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 14:59

This makes me uncomfortable as well, although I don't know why. I suspect myself and the OP might both be thought of as unreasonable by the masses!

OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 14:59

What exactly is your issue with it?

NinkyNonker · 19/03/2011 15:12

I'd never thought of this as an issue.

AnswersInVerse · 19/03/2011 15:13

They're kissing his lips, not his cock
Why the outrage and the shock?

AnswersInVerse · 19/03/2011 15:14

Kissing a baby's lips is really icky
They're usually unpleasantly sticky.

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 15:15

I think in my case, it's that I don't come from a family that was overly affectionate, though I obviously can't answer for the OP. I don't know why the kissing on the lips is the specific issue with me though, because I'm obviously fine with family and friends kissing my DCs in general.

oopslateagain · 19/03/2011 15:16

Hecate nice idea but do I do it with FIL too?

Grin
Tee2072 · 19/03/2011 15:17

There is nothing 'intimate' about kissing small children or family on the lips. And I think it's people who think there is that have the problem.

It's just a kiss. Get over it.

::dons flame proof suit::

Fluteyboots · 19/03/2011 15:21

I have a problem with this too, not for any reasons of intimacy (I love it when people show DS affection), but because of the risk of transmission of cold sores. I know a number of people who have caught them from others who were just getting one, ie it wasn't obviously there already. I would be heartbroken if DS developed them, and I know a lot of people who get them.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 19/03/2011 15:22

I think it's pretty hard to kiss a baby on the lips - I sort of just get a mouth covered in slobber if I try it with ds.

In my family and dh's kissing family members on the lips is normal - although only among parents(or grandparents)/children.

However my grandad never kissed any of us on the lips because he always said "You should never kiss old men" my sister now adds "Unless they're stinking rich" to the end of that Grin

Original poster
joymaker · 19/03/2011 15:22

colditz- I know they are only doing it out of love. My family is very affectionate. I think it is absolutely natural between parent and child and give my DS kisses on the lips although not consistently. I just don't understand why, for other family members the cheek ,the forehead and /or a loving hug isn't sufficient.

Skinit- I tried something similar to the "Oh, he's coming down with a cold so it's as well not to kiss his mouth." approach but felt I couldn't keep saying this. Maybe I'll try a 'joke' next time (but what about the next?- as there will most likely be one!)
I would really like to say something like the joke you suggest though I think that even that would cause offence.

oopslateagain- poor you Shock Grin

OP posts:
Skinit · 19/03/2011 15:22

It iS intimate....lips are intimate. Slobber is gross too.

exoticfruits · 19/03/2011 15:25

I think that it is more important to interact. They will be able to do it for a very short time, depending on DC. DS will decide-until then, if it isn't upsetting him, I can't see a problem.

Fluteyboots · 19/03/2011 15:26

Shinymoon is your name from a toy?
Sorry, hijack

oopslateagain · 19/03/2011 15:28

Next time you visit, before the slobbering kissing starts tell them your friend has rung you to let you know she's had a coldsore break out - and she was kissing your ds Just Yesterday Shock

Be very worried and obsessively check your ds's lips all day.

Then next time you visit you have the perfect reason to ask everyone not to kiss his lips as you can't go through all that worry again.

yama · 19/03/2011 15:29

Someone once told me that there are more germs in a human's mouth than their arse.

When I had dc1 I banned kissing her on the lips as I read that it was not safe. People respected my wishes. Could you research this angle?

IloveJudgeJudy · 19/03/2011 15:30

Tbh I think you jusst have to put up with it. It's your DP's side of the family showing him affection in their way. He is 50% you and 50% DP. You can't tell them exactly how to show your DS affection, you just can't. They're not doing anything wrong at all, just not doing things your way.

There will be many times as your DS grows up that people who love him will treat him in a different way
than you would. So long as they're not doing him any harm, then that's fine. Your way of living is not the only way. I don't mean that harshly at all, it's just that you'll drive yourself mad if you get upset at things that people do in their interaction with your DS that is different from the way you would do it.

Theyremybiscuits · 19/03/2011 15:31

Fairly small chance of this happening, but when I worked for a local paper, we did a story of a child who had suffered devastating brain damage as a result of catching the herpes virus from his Grandma who kissed him on the lips. Awful.

Swipe left for the next trending thread