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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like it when DP's family kiss DS on the lips?

62 replies

joymaker · 19/03/2011 14:48

Every time we see DP's family the female members ask for/give kisses to DS (10.5 months) on the lips. Needless to say they love him very much and lavish him with gifts and attention.

It is simply something that I am unaccoutomed to from my upbring and find myself wincing everytime it is done, yet they think it very 'cute'. I haven't been able to bring myself to say anything for fear of upsetting/offending them (and what/how could I say it?)though I'm not sure I can bear it much longer.

OP posts:

hmmSleep · 19/03/2011 15:44

, I really don't get why this is a problem, horses for courses and all that.

hmmSleep · 19/03/2011 15:47

x-post Theyremybiscuits, that is truly awful, but if she'd kissed him on the cheek he still could have caught it.

robotlollypopman · 19/03/2011 16:04

YABU. Grow up.

withagoat · 19/03/2011 16:30

i think op is a saddo

lazylula · 19/03/2011 16:46

YABU op, it is a kiss from one family to another, even a kiss on the cheek can be 'intimate' if that is the intent behind it. All my family and in laws have kissed my children on the lips from very young and I have never thought anything of it, it is just a natural way of showing affection. Dh family are very huggy and kissy with everyone, we all get a kiss hello and goodbye (ok not on the lips but kisses all the same). This is something I wasn't used to, in that I would kiss my own family but not someone elses, but as it was their way I adapted and got used to it, I couldn't expect a whole family to change their ways just for me and as much as he is your ds, he is also your dp so personally I think it is something you will have to get used too.

exoticfruits · 19/03/2011 16:47

It is far more important for babies to ave loving relationships than live in a hygienic bubble.

kitbit · 19/03/2011 17:39

Yanbu. Lips are intimate not for casual kissing.
I had a lovely uncle who I loved dearly but was in the habit of lip kissing. Just felt weird and intrusive when he was 60ish and I was 16. Or do you think that's ok, all of you who are saying the op is being unreasonable??

lilyberry · 19/03/2011 18:20

I kiss my DP on the lips, not family or others' kids. I too, OP, think it's unsettling.

greentig3r · 19/03/2011 18:32

Yanbu. Herpes. Yuck.

Maybe you could say "Better not - I think he's got a cold sore coming on." Bit of red felt tip pen maybe...

LaurieFairyCake · 19/03/2011 18:37

We had this thread a couple of years ago, hundreds of posts - totally divided down the middle.

I'm not a lip kisser. Just dh. Having other peoples saliva on my mouth would make me vom.

CrapBag · 19/03/2011 18:40

YANBU.

I would hate this. I don't like lip kissing anyone who isn't a partner, why would you?

harvalp · 19/03/2011 18:43

Lip kissing,other than a partner, is a bit creepy...

MrsSnow · 19/03/2011 18:43

YANBU
I have to say I really hate it when people do this. I think it makes it hard for young children differentiating between a normal kiss eg cheeks/head etc and a personal kiss when done by a stranger.

bananasinpjamas · 19/03/2011 18:47

I hate this because I'm severely allergic to nuts, so personally I don't think you are being UR at all :)

EricNorthmansMistress · 19/03/2011 18:52

He's a baby when he learns to kiss he will aim for people's mouths naturally anyway - cheek kissing in children is not necessary til they want it themselves, IMO. My friend's DCs used to kiss me on the mouth, they naturally started offering their cheeks when they were ready.

Adults expecting kisses on lips is another thing thoug - MILs and uncles [ick]

LakeFlyPie · 19/03/2011 18:58

YANBU, I don't like it either.

Am another one who reserves lip kissing for DP only.

A good friend always insists DS1(2.10) kisses him on the lips, I know he is only being loving towards him but I don't like it as I worry about coldsores (this friend does get them sometimes).

prettyfly1 · 19/03/2011 18:59

Really? There are some of you asking for your children not to be KISSED to save germs? Heard everything now - YABU.

MintyMoo · 19/03/2011 19:01

YANBU

But then I dislike kissing generally (hate other people's saliva in my mouth, eww) so the thought freaks me out. I hate french kissing. I can tolerate kissing with no tongues. I think though that if DS doesn't like it he'll soon show it, if you're uncomfortable enough with it I'd say you're concerned about germs whilst his immune system isn't developed and would prefer it that he's kissed on the cheeks henceforth. What does your DP think of it?

Oops - luckily my inlaws don't even hug DP when they see him, even if it's the first time in months so they're not that type of family. I think if they did kiss me on the lips I would have words and just say I don't like it if they did that to me. I just couldn't cope with MIL or FIL kissing me on the mouth. Eurgh, you poor thing. Definitely slip a tongue in and see if that scares her off

exoticfruits · 19/03/2011 19:10

I find it all very strange.I'm not really one for kissing, but I go with the flow-it seems rude not to. I'm sure that DS will solve the problem for himself soon.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 19/03/2011 19:28

Fluteyboots yes it is - that roll and rhyme melody thing which doesn't behave when turned off :)

Fluteyboots · 19/03/2011 19:45

Ha that brings back some memories........red fox dum de dum.....a favourite in our house

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/03/2011 19:58

I always kissed mine on the lips when they were babies. But only if that's what they do when you say "Can I have a kiss?" I think grandparents went along with what the babies did too. When DS1 (now 7) got a bit older he preferred kisses on the cheek so that's what he gets now. I'd be horrified if a relative tried to kiss him on the lips now because I know he'd hate it himself. I have horrible memories of being forced to give distant aunties seen only one a year kisses and hugs. To a child they are strangers yet parents seem to feel it's acceptable to make them put on this show of affection. Yuck.

However DS2 still kisses me on the lips and it is heartfelt with a soppy look on his face . He is 5 next week and has always been super affectionate since birth (he still twirls my hair in his fingers when he sits next to me on the sofa or when he's had a nightmare!) I think it's cute and he thinks it's not a proper kiss unless it's on the lips! I will go along with whatever he feels comfortable with, there's no way I'd force a child to do things MY way.

As for adults greeting each other with a kiss on the lips - ooh, that's strictly for sexual partners, daaahling! Anything else is just, well, pervy....unwanted......slimy......yuck and double yuck!

And I second the thing about the herpes simplex virus. (cold sores)

altinkum · 19/03/2011 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatlazymummy · 19/03/2011 20:14

I was advised not to kiss my babies on the mouth until they were a year old. Yes it is a health risk, in fact many people who carry the cold sore virus actually contract it at this age. It may be coincidence but none of my children [or myself] have ever had a cold sore.

ceasar04 · 19/03/2011 20:17

Lip kisses for DH, DS and DD from me and all my close friends would kiss my children on the lips and vice versa.

But also lip kiss my great grandma, (she's 93, tis sometimes a bit grim but its just what we do), my sister fairly regularly and not so often my brother. I would def be lip kissing my Mum too if she was still alive.
And sometimes best friend. Although have been known to snog best friend in years gone by when pissed!!

Agree with others that it depends on your upbringing, we are a very huggy and kissing family hence the kissing of my brother the lips sometimes which I am now realising that other people will definitely think is weird? But I don't see him very often and I love him alot....its more of a big jokey smacker in the lips IYSWIM?

OP, think you will have to put up with this until DS is a bit older, as others have said he will naturally start to offer his cheek if he's uncomfortable. Or maybe he will be like your DP's family and love it!!

We should all kiss more often I reckon

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