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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU expecting my neighbour not to look through my living room window every time she goes past?

76 replies

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 11:21

We have tiny front gardens. I don't like net/lace curtains and the windows have the original stained glass and wouldn't suit blinds.

When my neighbour walks past, she always waves and smiles. And clocks what I'm doing. Her husband (who I get on with equally well) doesn't - he looks straight ahead. She almost breaks her neck.

I don't want to have to put up curtains just to stop her nosing around. I don't like the look of those curtains and enjoy the light I get. We don't have other passing traffic as we're at the end of the road. She has to walk past my house whereas I don't have to walk past hers.

Should I say something to her? How can I do that whilst maintaining a good relationship?

OP posts:
microfight · 19/03/2011 15:29

Why don't you put a life size cardboard picture of yourself in the window with a pair of binoculars and a speech bubble saying "my names atswimtwolengths and I'm a nosey neighbour".

Selks · 19/03/2011 15:31

Put some houseplants with lots of foliage in the window. It'll look nice and will block the view enough in the bottom part of the window while letting light in at the top. I had a similar situation in my previous house and did the plant thing which worked fine.

Summerbird73 · 19/03/2011 15:38

its bloody intrusive! and for the record lockets my neighbour actually did stop and linger - people do this and it is rude.

lockets · 19/03/2011 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson · 19/03/2011 15:45

Do you have a nice house? I do love to crane my neck into the windows of a nice house. I have been known to casually, subtly double back on myself just to get another better look at a particularly fine specimen.

Nosey - moi? Hmm

lookingfoxy · 19/03/2011 15:54

Hasn't every street got a neighbour like this, mine has, but she's also very useful to find out anything you need to know and she doesn't mean any harm, doesn't bother me at all.

FellatioNelson · 19/03/2011 15:59

My kitchen sink is right under a window which faces out onto my road, which is very very quiet and nothing ever happens. but anything that does happen, you can rest assured I see it. Grin Not intentionally - it's just hard to miss the comings and goings of my two opposite neighbours geven the amount of time I spend glued to that spot. I know - I need a life.

bemybebe · 19/03/2011 17:21

Why don't you consider frosted film for part of the window(I have it on bathroom sash windows in the victorian house and it looks fab!); something like that www.purlfrost.com/purlfrost.php

Desire to keep the curtains open/closed or look through the windows is such a cultural trait. Dutch were not allowed by law to have any curtains in their houses in the 17th century during the spanish rule and they are still very open and don't give a damn about passers-by. I love walking about in Holland and see inside not because I am nosey about their private business, but because I love picking up decorating ideas (magazines are so damn expensive!) Grin

WereOffToSeeTheWizard · 19/03/2011 17:37

I absolutely cannot stand the thought of people looking through the window at me.
I live on a main road so I have gorgeous tassly long cool curtains from Next that let loads of light in but people can't see in.

I'm always surprised when people leave themselves exposed to strangers looking in.
I see now it doesn't bother some people but if it does bother you then it's your problem and you need to sort it out.

Are you going to put nets/blinds/film up op or are you just ignoring peoples advice cos they don't agree with you?

Original poster
atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 17:55

That's a bit harsh, Were!

I'm not going to put up nets or blinds or film, because they would ruin my room.

I will say something to my neighbour, I think.

OP posts:
activate · 19/03/2011 18:22

worratwat

GotArt · 19/03/2011 18:39

I think its simply rude to do it all the time. No window coverings doesn't mean an invitation to peer in someone's windows... if it was a man, you could have him cited as a peeping tom. We use to live on a street that had horse and carriage tours go by all day long cause we lived up the street from a historical house, and tourists would film and take pictures of our house. And hordes of people walked by on weekends staring in as well cause we lived on the ocean and somehow were deemed I guess as being something else to look at. I hated it. PITA and boring to have to have sex your bedroom in your own home all the time because you can't get any privacy from passerby's who lack the decency to not peer into your home when the curtains are open.

bemybebe · 19/03/2011 19:47

GotArt Why did you buy your properties at exposed places if it causes you such distress? Seems at bit masochistic to me tbh.

GotArt · 19/03/2011 21:03

We were renting for one, and houses face the street and sidewalks for the most part. Most people living room windows are in the front of the house. Its normal.

bemybebe · 19/03/2011 21:11

Sorry, owning/renting, whatever.

In this case I should probably also have 'hordes' of people passing by my windows, taking picture and throwing admiring glances... let me have a look outside... nope, none. My house must be really special. Wink

GwendolineMaryLacey · 19/03/2011 21:19

Say something yo the neighbour? Hahahahaha! What exactly? That is a conversation I would pay good money to hear.

HansieMom · 19/03/2011 22:30

You could get some lattice panels, about 30" wide by six feet tall. Install at angles in your three foot yard so that one cannot see in. They would be like louvers turned on their side. Paint them white and grow clematis on them.

I'd go for the vinyl film myself. Just on the lower half of your windows.

pinkhyena · 19/03/2011 22:41

Hi haven't read the whole thread so someone might have already suggested this but could you put frosted window film up? We didn't like having nets either so got this stuff and its really good we still get loads of light but no one can see in either.
try this

GotArt · 19/03/2011 22:50

Our house was by no means special... just nosey tourists. They weren't there in the droves when we first moved in...just a few carriages that managed 4 people, it was a reasonably quiet little neighbourhood, but then a massive pier was put in at the old navy base to accommodate cruise ships and then next thing you know, starting at 7am, you could hear these bloody big ass double decker 4 horse carriages coming down the road packed full of brightly dressed tourists from down the coast heading for Alaska... ie; Americans. Grin They would 'film' their tour and one would go by every 30 minutes all day including the little ones. Got a bit much, especially as the used a microphone on the trolley as well. I dread to think of the people back at home that had to watch the tours. Grin

shockers · 19/03/2011 22:51

There's a little barn conversion with a really big window that I have to walk past to get to my house.

I never know what to do as i'm facing the window when I come into the courtyard... do I ignore the occupants who can clearly see me and my young daughter (who is waving at them despite my protestations about folk's privacy through clenched teeth)... or do I wave to my lovely neighbours?

So far I've done a mix of both, but I do feel a bit ignorant when I'm pretending that I can't see someone who is clearly there. In fact, I'm almost glad when their car isn't there and I know they're not home.... dilemma over!

cuteboots · 21/03/2011 13:03

I had a problem where i used to live. An old women lived downstairs and bless her she was bit touched by the hand of god but when they had family round they would stand in the kitchen and stare at my son in the garden. I used to let him run around with out a nappy in the garden when I was potty trg. It got to the stage where i couldnt let him out in the garden. Im an opened minded person but letting people stare at your kids isnt nice. I think the housing association needs to look into this more before they house people as its not very nice. A normal person would put net curtains up!!

LaWeasel · 21/03/2011 13:08

Erm, why on earth can't you have a terllis in a 3 ft garden? they are 2inches wide!

cuteboots · 21/03/2011 13:32

I did try that but she complained it was restricitng her view over the fields at the back . She also complained when I put a smaller fence up to stop my son getting over the fence which was(barbed wire) and in with the cows. In the end I just used the end of the garden where i thought she couldnt see but then she used to open the window and screach at him when he was on the trampoline. She also knew the time we went out to work and the time we came home and would loiter in the frt garden and discuss other people in the street! Fabulous . She also had some sort of facial hair issue which used to make my son giggle or grab my leg as we walked past her. To start with I felt sorry for her but she complained so much that soon wore off and the staring was not nice! I couldnt even hang my washing out without having an audience. It felt like we were under a microscope!!!

LaWeasel · 21/03/2011 13:34

sorry cuteboots, I was talking to the OP.

But you should definately ignore your neighbour and put up whatever fence you like!

cuteboots · 21/03/2011 13:38

Sorry Laweasel! Ive now moved a bit nearer my job and little boys school but apprently shes still there and doesnt get on with the new people in my old flat ! ha ha

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