Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU expecting my neighbour not to look through my living room window every time she goes past?

76 replies

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 11:21

We have tiny front gardens. I don't like net/lace curtains and the windows have the original stained glass and wouldn't suit blinds.

When my neighbour walks past, she always waves and smiles. And clocks what I'm doing. Her husband (who I get on with equally well) doesn't - he looks straight ahead. She almost breaks her neck.

I don't want to have to put up curtains just to stop her nosing around. I don't like the look of those curtains and enjoy the light I get. We don't have other passing traffic as we're at the end of the road. She has to walk past my house whereas I don't have to walk past hers.

Should I say something to her? How can I do that whilst maintaining a good relationship?

OP posts:

activate · 19/03/2011 13:17

she is being unreasonable though - it is up to her to block the neighbours view she cannot dictate where a passerby looks, ever

nets, blinds, that film you put on the window would all be reasonable

picmaestress · 19/03/2011 13:20

My lovely neighbour looks in and waves every time if I'm there, and I like seeing her, she's a really nice person to live next door to.

To be fair to her, she pretty much can't avoid seeing in (large front window is directly on the very narrow street), but also, in daylight, the glare on the glass means the view isn't that clear anyway. She likes looking in and seeing my bunnies hopping about.

She wouldn't give a toss if I was in my nightie, either. I guess the difference is that we're sort-of friends. If I want privacy, I close the curtains.

I didn't realise people felt so het up about windows, perhaps it's who is doing the looking that is the problem.

kittybuttoon · 19/03/2011 13:24

Ours is a period home, but I can heartily recommend the stick-on vinyl.

You don't have to cover the whole window (we just did a series of small panels, strategically placed so we could see out, but people couldn't see what was going on inside.)

You can cut them to reflect the shape of the window itself, or just do a series of designs which let in loads of light, but look attractive too.

Saw this a lot in Holland, where they like their front windows to have an 'open' feel.

Cheap, too - so if you mess up or don't like it, you just take it off.

The stuff is also great if you want to let in light, but block a bit of view you hate. (Our neighbours' rusty barbed wire fence, in our case!)

GwendolineMaryLacey · 19/03/2011 13:25

We're not being mean, we're just telling her to get a grip. You cannot dictate where people look. If the op doesn't like it then it's up to her to put up blinds or whatever.

NadiaWadia · 19/03/2011 14:08

YANBU. I used to have a neighbour who did this and it drove me nuts. People who do this don't mean any harm, though, they just think they are being friendly.

The way I see is that if you're in your garden, fair enough, but if you're inside your home you're in your own private space, IYSWIM. You should feel relaxed enough to wander round in your nightie if you feel like it. And people should respect this and pretend they can't see you even if they actually can!

Venetian blinds are good, if you get them on the right slant you can still see out/get the daylight, but people can't see in.

LaWeasel · 19/03/2011 14:15

What about a trellis at the front of your yard and some thin climbers? It will still let in most of the light but put people off looking.

zipzap · 19/03/2011 14:19

Keep a camera to hand making sure it is set to flash when you take a picture.

Every time she goes past pick up camera and flash photo back. Picture won't be great if you take a flash photo towards a glass window but she will see you taking the pic and it might confuse / disturb her enough to put her off from looking.

If she asks why you are doing this, just say that you are doing a survey of everybody going past and seeing how many people look in and how many don't so you can decide if you need nets to protect your privacy... She isn't to know you don't want them but might just shame her into not being so nosy!

zipzap · 19/03/2011 14:19

Keep a camera to hand making sure it is set to flash when you take a picture.

RunAwayWife · 19/03/2011 14:26

Become a nudist that will stop her

oopslateagain · 19/03/2011 14:27

FGS this is mental.

OP has a window facing the road. She has nothing to obscure the view. She is annoyed that a neighbour waves and smiles. What the hell is the problem with that?

I don't march with eyes-front when I walk, I look around and if I see someone I know then I smile and nod or wave. I'm not being nosy or obnoxious or intrusive, I'm being friendly.

If OP doesn't want people to look in her window then she needs to block the view.

Or she can completely ignore the friendly neighbour who I'm sure will eventually decide OP isn't worth a smile and wave.

Original poster

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 14:32

AurraSing why shouldn't I be in my nightie at 3pm? I live on my own and shall do what I bloody like, thank you!

But the time in question was because I'd had an accident and wasn't feeling too good. I didn't want to be stared at, so wasn't leaving the house. Apparently I don't have to leave the house without being stared at.

OP posts:

Original poster

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 14:37

LaWeasel, the garden is only about three feet long so can't have a trellis or anything like that.

Oopsslateagain, to see me from the street does involve a lot of staring! I'm not talking about sitting there with the light on.

Weird actually, how angry some people get about this!

OP posts:

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 19/03/2011 14:42

I lurrrve looking through people's windows - one of the reasons I enjoy going for walks down streets in the autumn and winter is when it's dark outside and people have the lights on in their houses which illuminates everything beautifully for me to have a good old nose at what they've done to their living room/what they're watching on telly/what books they have/how naughty their children are being etc etc - it's all part of the fun of living in a street full of houses!! :o :o

annabelflowers · 19/03/2011 14:43

I'd like to help, but I possibly AM that neighbour! Yesterday I said to DH that I was worried about out neighbours. Why? Because they had slept in different rooms the night before. (We are slightly above them and I can see down.)

I am a curtain twitcher.

Mind you, the husband often walks around nekkid and he has a nice butt.

Mayqueene · 19/03/2011 14:48

My head is starting to hurt with all this "invasion of privacy" nonsense!

Either smile and wave back and put up with it, or if you don't want to do that,I think you have no other option than net curtains.

You COULD try talking to her and telling her you have a problem with her looking through your window, this would probably have the effect of both her and her husband avoiding you like the plague and referring to you forever after as the "strange woman at no 6"

I have no nets and live on a busy street-I quite like neighbours smiling and waving at me, I don't tend to look in people's windows though I must admit, but I that's probably because I'm so self absorbed

lockets · 19/03/2011 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YusMilady · 19/03/2011 15:00

I'm shocked at the number of people who think it's perfectly OK to peer into people's houses and wave at the occupants. Where the hell do you have to go to get some privacy - the cupboard under the stairs? Yes of course it's interesting to walk around on a dark winter's afternoon & clock what everyone is up to in their brightly lit sitting rooms, but come on, we all know we're being nosy when we do it.

oopslateagain · 19/03/2011 15:05

It's surely not being nosy to look around while walking? If a neighbour is in their garden should you not acknowledge them? They are in full view. If a neighbour is in a living room with a clear view of the street, what is the difference?

Privacy is easy to obtain. It's called curtains. OP doesn't want curtains therefore sacrifices privacy.

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 19/03/2011 15:05

I've never pretended to myself or anyone else that I'm not being a nosy bint when doing it yusmilady :o still love it though! :)

YusMilady · 19/03/2011 15:11

There is a huge difference between being out in your front garden and being indoors, and it's ridiculous to pretend there isn't. Of course it's OK to look around while walking! But it's NOT OK to look into people's houses - that's just manners, surely? I'm genuinely that anyone thinks otherwise - I must have led a sheltered life inside my nice, private house!

kerrymumbles · 19/03/2011 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo · 19/03/2011 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YusMilady · 19/03/2011 15:13

And for the record - if I caught some perv friendly neighbour peering into my front room I wouldn't hesitate to give them the finger. And I bet they wouldn't mention it to me. And why not? Because they would know they were being nosy, that's why!

GeneralissimoVonBobbington · 19/03/2011 15:18

Get a grip OP. If you want some privacy in the day time, get nets, close your curtains and we'll assume you're shagging or get over it!

lockets · 19/03/2011 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread