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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU expecting my neighbour not to look through my living room window every time she goes past?

76 replies

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 11:21

We have tiny front gardens. I don't like net/lace curtains and the windows have the original stained glass and wouldn't suit blinds.

When my neighbour walks past, she always waves and smiles. And clocks what I'm doing. Her husband (who I get on with equally well) doesn't - he looks straight ahead. She almost breaks her neck.

I don't want to have to put up curtains just to stop her nosing around. I don't like the look of those curtains and enjoy the light I get. We don't have other passing traffic as we're at the end of the road. She has to walk past my house whereas I don't have to walk past hers.

Should I say something to her? How can I do that whilst maintaining a good relationship?

OP posts:

LessNarkyPuffin · 19/03/2011 11:23

Next time she does it, get up and close the curtains. Repeat as required. She should get the message eventually.

dexter73 · 19/03/2011 11:33

Just smile and wave back!

ICanPluck · 19/03/2011 11:34

Oh I hate this, so rude, they could at least be discreet like i am when having a nose. I've signaled "Want a cuppa?!" a few times when people have had a look through my windows on their way past - which usually makes them "Hmph!" and stick their chin up, chest out, and march on their way

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 11:35

No you shouldn't say anything. She sounds like she's just being polite, maybe slightly OTT, but not malicious. You could cause major offence if you say how you feel. I don't think this is that big of a deal tbh.

sooz28 · 19/03/2011 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickschick · 19/03/2011 11:37

If you wanna stay friendly with your neighbours -live with it if u wanna cause major offence -show her your tits as she walks past .

Original poster

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 11:44

It's not a big deal, TidyDancer, but it is annoying if I'm lying on my sofa in my nightie at 3pm and she's sticking her head through the window.

I have tried closing the curtains but as I'm walking towards the window, she thinks I want a chat.

I've tried the wave but no smile, doesn't work.

It's not too much to ask for privacy and a bit of sunlight, is it?

OP posts:

lusciousliz · 19/03/2011 11:48

if you dont like it, do something about it

you cant stop someone from looking in a particular direction lol

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2011 11:50

It's only fair game to have a sneaky look in someones windows if they've got the curtains open and the lights on at night

But that's only a glance, not full on interaction with the people inside.

Is it possible your neighbour has just got into the habit of looking in and 'being friendly', and if she stops you'll think she's being funny with you over something?

Original poster

atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 12:01

I don't do it in the evening, AgentZigzag, just in the daytime.

I do think she thinks she's being friendly, though I do know she would absolutely hate it herself.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 19/03/2011 12:02

You might not like nets, but they are the only solution really.

RandyRussian · 19/03/2011 12:12

Keep a pair of binoculars handy and look back at her through them when she stares in.

thx1138 · 19/03/2011 12:17

YANBU to be annoyed.

Your windows sound lovely/original etc so you might not be into the idea of using frosted vinyl as an alternative to nets

We have used this on our living room window it blocks the view to passers by but crucially not the light.

Cymar · 19/03/2011 12:29

Why don't you make sure you're starkers when she looks in . She might stop looking in just in case.

ledkr · 19/03/2011 12:31

gradually reduce the extent of your response,ie. get less and less friendly in return i think that would work for me.Either that or moon at her as she goes by

AurraSing · 19/03/2011 12:36

why are you in your nightie at 3pm?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 19/03/2011 12:40

So you have a window that, when the curtains are open during the day, is uncovered? And your neighbour has to walk past your house to go anywhere and she waves as she's walking past right? And you think she should look straight ahead and not turn her head as she's walking past? Bonkers.

We have the same set up, big windows, no nets or blinds during the day and a non existent front garden. Unless she is pressing her nose up against your window every time then YABVU and a bit stroppy. Put nets up or live with it. No one gives a toss what you're doing in your front room, I doubt she does either, she's just saying hello by the sound of it.

Lookandlearn · 19/03/2011 12:41

Oh, we have this problem. Used to have neighbours who nor only looked in but would let their toddler into front garden to come right up to the window. Sympathise, but some people just don't get it.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/03/2011 12:42

YANBU It's an invasion of privacy.

TheMonster · 19/03/2011 12:44

YANBU. Just don't respond when she waves.

CointreauVersial · 19/03/2011 12:53

If you have windows you can look into, and don't obscure the view in any way, then tough, you can't prevent people looking in.

If your neighbour caught your eye, then ignored you, you'd accuse her of being rude!

My dad's house is right on the high street; we get strangers rubber-necking at the living room and double-decker bus passengers at bedroom level.

We ignore them, and make sure the curtains are closed if we are doing something we don't want to be seen doing! My dad knew what he was doing buying a house there; he can't complain. And he always waves back at neighbours.

I agree nets are horrible.

By the way, I love spotting little domestic tableaux through windows as I travel around, particularly at night - seeing people watching tv, doing whatever.... and no, I don't press my nose against windows or wave at anyone, but I figure they'd close the curtains if they didn't want to be seen!

activate · 19/03/2011 12:54

YABU

if you don't like it - nets, curtains, blinds

if you don't like nets, curtains, blinds - tough shit

some people like to look in

and you can't do anything about it

YusMilady · 19/03/2011 13:03

YANBU. Write 'FUCK OFF' on a big sheet of card and hold it up next time she looks in. Nosy cow.

Summerbird73 · 19/03/2011 13:09

why are some posters being so mean?!

We had the exact same problem, our dining room is at the front and when DS was tiny he had colic and i was walking around the house bouncing him up and down in my arms looking stressed as hell. Anyway whilst doing this in the dining room i looked up to see my neighbour stood at our fence waving and smiling at me! I glared at her and walked out. If she was looking vaguely sympathetic i might have let her off but she was fecking smiling!!

Soooo we now have conifers at our fence so nobody can look in. You can manipulate them so you dont miss out on any light.

HTH - and you are soo NBU

GilmoreGeek · 19/03/2011 13:11

I hate it too.When I was back at my mums place last summer it was really hot and I was home alone so I only wore a T shirt that didn't cover my bum properly and panties.
My neighbour was in her back yard, stared into our window and actually waved at me. Agh!

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