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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Back to Work Interview

130 replies

pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 19:12

Just wondered what mumsnetters make of this. Is it the norm?

I have had a back to work interview with a senior manager after being off one day. In the interview I was asked to explain my erratic pattern of attendance and I was made to feel that my reasons for absence were doubted. And also that I had excessive absences. The whole tone of the 30 minute interview was as if I had done something wrong - like a disciplinary hearing.

I said in the meeting that all the absences were genuine and I feel you are suggesting I am lying. To which she just went on about fullfilling of my terms and conditions - no empathy or stating she was not suggesting i was lying at all.

Admittedly I have had a few absences. I returned from mat leave last march:

  • I was off a week in May - baby sick and then me
  • A 3 day days in oct,I then went in for a day but was still ill so was then off a further week (so counts as 2 absences) *Then this absence 1 day - in fact not even a full day as I went home sick after arriving at work.

I have also had a couple of medical appointments off.

But I have also worked lots of extra hours.

I know this is a lot, certainly more than i have ever had before - but with 2 babies I think you pick up things more.

Is it normal for these things to be conducted like a discipline hearing.

I am definately not a cryer - I have never cried at work in 15 years. But I left the interview and went the loo and cried and was then on the verge of tears all afternoon. Then as soon as I got in the car I burst out crying.

I actually feel like going off sick with stress I am so upset and worked up, i am actually shaking.

The interview left me incapable of productive work in the afternoon and completely demotivated.

OP posts:
Original poster
pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 21:07

Actually KickButtowski - I do feel like is getting ontop of me. I have not slept well for months and my hair is falling out. I feel i am pulled in numerous directions and all of the roles i have to do I am doing crap, wife, mum, worker, daughter.

I have 2 sick parents with major chroic illnesses. 2 kids as mentioned and immense pressure for deadlines at work. Plus a dh with a full time job that means he is away alot - he is really supportive of me and all i have on but he can't help out as much as we would like.

OP posts:
claretandcheese · 17/03/2011 21:10

Sorry to hear that, Penny, I was just going to say how do people know you're not stressed already and this interview was the last straw. Some managers are hopeless.

KickButtowski · 17/03/2011 21:10

Depends what caused your stress Altinkum - I never said that stress was not a legitimate reason for being off work.

On the contrary I am concerned that people like the OP undermine the people who genuinely are unable to work due to stress. I am sure you will have come across people who rolled their eyes and thought you were taking the mickey at first because there are a lot of people who use stress as an excuse not to work.

People who are sick do not make me angry at all. People who choose not to go to work when they could if they tried do make me angry, and they should make every other hard-working person angry too.

Original poster
pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 21:11

This interview was really the final straw. i have beeing trying to tread water and keep evey thing ticking over and i now feel like i have been kicked in the gut.

OP posts:
tribpot · 17/03/2011 21:12

pennyprincess, do you have access to a counselling service at work?

claretandcheese · 17/03/2011 21:14

I think I'll stick to being just a bit miffed at this ( ie people slacking ) and save my real anger for bigger things. Otherwise you just get yourself really stressed!

KickButtowski · 17/03/2011 21:15

Now your position sounds very different to the OP where you merely talked about the BTW interview causing you stress.

I am sorry to hear of your problems, it sounds like you have too much on your plate to cope with.

Original poster
pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 21:16

No- although i do not feel that is what i need. i honestly think i just have too much on - which i know is not my employers fault - but i being unpleasant and basically calling me a lair in an interview is hardly going to help.

OP posts:
altinkum · 17/03/2011 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittybuttoon · 17/03/2011 21:18

OP, the tone of your interview was formal, because that's what it was - a formal interview to point out that the employer has an absence policy and exercise it.

It's nothing personal - on either side. Your manager does not hate you, and s/he probably would use the same 'tone' whatever the age of the employee.

My company had a very strictly-adhered-to absence procedure - but my goodness, were they FANTASTIC when I got really ill. Couldn't do enough to help me get well, let me come back part-time (on full-time wages) when I was convalescent, paid for private treatment. The works.

They couldn't have afforded this without an absence policy to prevent skivers (and I'm not for a moment suggesting that you are one; you're obviously not)

Work with them, I implore you. Good employers are hard to find. Yours sounds responsible, that's all, not harsh.

Original poster
pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 21:20

the btw is just the finally straw - especially when monday i struggled into work ill - then went home sick and many people said i looked ill - there was no way i made it up - only to be citicised for doing so. I had expected interviewer to be pleased i had came in despite illness - but no was just treated like a lair.

OP posts:
claretandcheese · 17/03/2011 21:20

Penny, sounds like you do with a little house elf who you could put to work helping you out with lots of practical things while you try to build in some rest amongst it all. Here is an internet house elf for you [house elf smiley].

KickButtowski · 17/03/2011 21:21

Altinkum I agree with you. One type of stress is not more serious or important than other, and I know that stress can be completely debilitating and devastating at home and at work. If that is how the OP is feeling then that is serious and I hope she gets professional help and talks to her emplyer about it so that they understand and help too.

This is a completely different situation to the start of this thread which was about physical illnesses and an upsetting interview.

claretandcheese · 17/03/2011 21:22

could do

altinkum · 17/03/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 21:25

i think the tone went beyond formal it was unpleasant.

OP posts:
KickButtowski · 17/03/2011 21:27

Sheesh, good luck with that. Excuse the pun, but generally all these formal proceses are incredibly stressful I find, even when there are good guys trying to support you.

Icoulddoitbetter · 17/03/2011 21:29

I'm concerned about this at the moment as I've had three separate days off sick since I returned from mat leave in Nov. I took a day off last week as I had awful morning sickness, and ended up telling my manager I was pg waaaaaaaaay earlier than intended as I wanted to justify my illness, stupid really! The other days were one for D&V, as per policy, and one for a horrid cold that I pushed through for a fdew days then had to give in and stay in bed.

I'm a HCP and I see people drag themselves into work all the time with awful colds etc, so risking infecting everyone else and the patients we visit. I had to force one of our assistants to go home a few weeks ago as he hadn't fully recovered from a vomiting bug. People just don't seem to let themselves be off sick.

When I was pg with DS I went through a stage of getting awful migraines. When I could, I stayed at work, but there were a few occasions where I went home, and had to have a BTW interview the next day even if I'd gone home at 2pm. And it was classed as a full day's absence, even though they'd had a good 5 hours productivity out of me!

So if the same thing happens in this pg, I fully expect to be hauled in front of a manager. But what can I do? if I'm ill I'm ill, and I don;t think my absences mean that I can't do my job properly.

Oh I have bureaucracy!

Icoulddoitbetter · 17/03/2011 21:30

That was meant to say "love bureaucracy" obviously...!

kittybuttoon · 17/03/2011 21:31

Pennyprincess - so sorry - my latest post crossed with yours.

Understandably,you couldn't discuss this with your manager at the time (you bottled it up at the interview, I guess?)

But you could ask for advice from your doctor, maybe? And s/he could help guide you about what to say to your employer if you need some time off?

If you are off, keep in touch with your company and ask them for anything you need, such as reduced hours, etc. As I said, mine were soooo great.

I do hope they give you their support. Will keep everything crossed for you.

Hatesponge · 17/03/2011 21:34

Most companies have sickness policies, this one sounds pretty standard. The tone of the interview has to be formal, that's the nature of it. It would be unprofessional of your manager to not deal with the interview in that fashion. Our absence meetings are monitored by HR and we are expected to convey the seriousness of the position, not backslap people who have made it into work notwithstanding feeling unwell.

As a manager, it's apparent to me that some people are off more often than others. One lady I manage hasn't had a day off in 5 years. I think only death would keep her from her desk!

I think if you're receiving OSP, you have to expect to be monitored. The only firm I've worked for which didn't monitor sickness was one which paid SSP only, and had v low rates for occasional absences as a result.

I should add if your child is ill, I wouldn't allow any of my reports to take that time as anything other than holiday or dependant/emergency leave. It certainly shouldn't be taken as sickness in my view unless you are ill yourself.

Original poster
pennyprincess · 17/03/2011 21:35

I know Icoulddoitbetter - all sounds so familar! I would have thought they would be a bit more careful about upset you when pg - but than i dont know.

OP posts:
kittybuttoon · 17/03/2011 21:38

icoulddobetter there is NO WAY that a major employer would challenge sickness absences connected with a pg. Or do a disciplinary on pre-preg absence, while you are in a vulnerable state.

Absolutely fraught with peril on their part - you have legislation firmly on your side for this one!

StealthPolarBear · 17/03/2011 21:39

Icould - pregnancy related illness has to br treated differently I believe

trixymalixy · 17/03/2011 21:44

I can empathise. We have had an awful time of it this year too. I was off in October for 3 days with tonsillitis, then DS was in hospital for a week in December with pneumonia. Both the kids and I had scarlet fever and not allowed to go to work or nursery for 5 days.

On top of that I was on jury service for a week.

My attendance looks awful, particularly when I have only been in my job for 6 months, but nothing I could have done about any of it.