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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit [hmm] about people who claim to have more than one contraceptive failure?

58 replies

wannaBe · 17/03/2011 16:26

Dh's cousin is pg with her 3rd baby. Actually this is her 5th pregnancy.

Whenever she has fallen pregnant it has always been "by accident". Now, she had her first baby at fifteen so I can quite believe that the first one was unplanned, or that she hadn't been taking her contraception properly and had ended up pregnant. She had another baby at eighteen again due to "contraceptive failure" and she is now 23 and pregnant again, again due to "contraceptive failure".

In fact, she had two miscarriages last year and is now pregnant again, all of them were down to "contraceptive failure".

I don't care if she wants three children - that's up to her. But I can't see why she can't just come out and say that (esp this baby, as she is now in a long-term relationship) was planned and why she feels the need to make up a story about contraceptive failure.

Of course contraceptives can fail. But five times? I think not.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 17/03/2011 16:36

I think the Pill, with it's lower dosages than 30 years ago, is less reliable than it was in my youth. The slightest thing seems to render it ineffective these days.

But yes, five failures in such a short time period seems excessive. I'd certainly make a point of doubling up (using condoms as well as the Pill) or changing my methods after the first one.

MadMommaMemoo · 17/03/2011 16:40

I got pregnant after taking the map and then I also when I had the coil fitted. Contraception doesn't seem to work very well for some people.

LucretiaInShadows · 17/03/2011 16:42

Sure, some contraceptives can fail. Condoms and pills are particularly prone to user error. I don't think 5 failures in 8 years is particularly unreasonable, but I would raise my eyebrows at the decision not to use a more reliable method, if she really didn't want to get pregnant.

If she did, but doesn't feel that she can say that out loud, that's another issue, and it sounds a bit as though that's what you suspect.

nickelbabysnatcher · 17/03/2011 16:44

i would be tempted to say too - if she's o nthe pill, contraceptive failure could be that she's not been taking it properly - eg missing out too many pills, taking it too late etc.
if she's using condoms, then they could be splitting (could be putting them on too roughly? or be out of date?), or if she's young, it could simply be that they didn't put it on in time.

twopeople · 17/03/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

muminthemiddle · 17/03/2011 16:49

I agree with you op.
There are many forms of contraception available and with her track record she should be using more than one method to avoid unwanted pregnancy.
There is also the morning after pill for accidents and abortion so really I think that she is not trying too hard to avoid falling pregnant.

nectarina · 17/03/2011 16:58

I'd just like to stick up for condoms, i've used them exclusively for 18 years - the only accident I had was with one bought from a vending machine in a pub (glo in the dark i think). I took the map so was ok.
They get such a bad press - is it because they're a bit of a pain if you're not used to them? Do other people have problems with them splitting? At least if they split or come off you know about it.

TheSecondComing · 17/03/2011 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabysnatcher · 17/03/2011 17:02

twopeople - the "young" bit referred to the fact that the younger you are, the more fertile you are, so if they were fooling around naked, and then decided to have sex so put on a condom, some sperm might have already made its way to the inside.

nickelbabysnatcher · 17/03/2011 17:03

(for me, that comment is more than anything - I'm now 34, and feeling the problems of being old and dried up)

PaisleyLeaf · 17/03/2011 17:05

I always remember Ros off Frasier saying (about the pill being 99% effective): "I can't beat those odds"

jamaisjedors · 17/03/2011 17:07

I am a bit too...

I agree with Nectarina about condoms, we have used them for 6 years and had no "accidents". But when I wanted to get pregnant with DS2 it happenend when I chose, so it's not because I'm infertile.

maxpower · 17/03/2011 17:07

nectarina - I agree, I'm suprised how often I read on MN about repeated problems with using condoms. DH and I have successfully used condoms for 15 years with only one splitting and like you, I took the map.

OP, YANBU - my DB & his GF had their first son while his GF was supposedly on the pill. About 2 years later, she was pg again (had a termination). I assume they were using birth control at that time as well.

However, I can accept that some women will only realise their birth control isn't effetive when they do fall pg.

memphis83 · 17/03/2011 17:07

my friend has had 3 contraceptive faliures, when she was pg the last time I questioned her saying oh what are you on, its obviously not agreeing with you?? her answer...the pull out method!! I just looked at her strangely since getting the injection rather than trusting the pull out method she hasnt had another accident

nijinsky · 17/03/2011 17:13

I have a friend who is a chemist who got pregnant accidentally all 3 times - once while still a student, once while she and her then husband were splitting up and lastly 2 months after meeting her now ex-boyfriend! (She's a great mother though).

Bogeyface · 17/03/2011 17:15

Some people just arent that careful with contraception, so what she would consider a "failure" might be different to my definition.

For example, I wouldnt consider it a failure if she was bad at remembering to take her pill and regularly missed days. Same as I wouldnt if they used the withdrawal method on its own, and not in conjunction with cycle monitoring and either abstainance or condoms at the fertile time. If she isnt using the contraception properly it isnt failing, she is!

But she may think that as long as she makes a cursory nod towards contraception then if she gets pg it isnt her fault.

LDNmummy · 17/03/2011 17:24

My sis has gotten pregnant 3 times using contraceptive. The first time was on the pill when she was very young, the second with a coil which was fitted very well but I think it did not have hormones too. The third time, the coil wasn't fitted well but did have hormones. I come from a very, very fertile family, the reason why I am up the duff right now. The women in my family are very fertile right up till they reach their 40's. She may be lying but she may not be. My sis had no reason to lie, she and her DH did not want more than one child as they became parents very young, sometimes it just happens. If you happen to be very fertile, sometimes you can get pregnant anyway, I talked about it with my GP and it is possible. But I do think some people exagerate for whatever reason.

FutureNannyOgg · 17/03/2011 17:31

When I was at school I had my sex-ed lessons from a family planning nurse. She had 7 unplanned pregnancies, one whilst using the pill, a condom and spermicide, at least one with a coil. She told us this to point out that no matter how rigorous you think you are, all contraceptives have a failure rate.

She might be lying, she might not, she might be crap at taking her pill on time, she might not, YABU to assume.

I really don't see why people are so interested in how other people got pregnant. I never discussed it with anyone, but almost everyone DH told asked if it was an accident. Bloody rude I say.

coccyx · 17/03/2011 17:32

Agree with the OP. unreliable contraception or unreliable user.....know which one i would bet on in this case.
Yes it can go wrong but 5 times????????nah

bibbitybobbityhat · 17/03/2011 17:36

Yanbu.

If I knew I was super-fertile (luckily I'm not!) I would use persona, condoms and map on the rare occasions when the condom split. At least with condoms you know when something has gone wrong.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/03/2011 17:39

Given that contraception has an extremely high rate if success I would say that 99.9% of "accidents" are down to the actual user. You can double up on methods to be extra safe.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2011 17:43

I'd never heard of so many contraceptive failures till I found MN, tbh.

youjusthaventearnedityetbaby · 17/03/2011 17:44

Two unplanned pregnancies, two condom/morning after pill failures... Also, with my first pregnancy I had just come off the pill after 16 years, hadn't even had a period... Some things are just meant to be!!
My local pharmacist wants me to give my body up to medical science as he thinks its 'impossible' :)

redexpat · 17/03/2011 17:46

I don't understand why more people don't double up.

BalloonSlayer · 17/03/2011 17:47

I have had one accident that yes was an accident but actually plain bloody carelessness. There was no failure of any contraceptive, just failure to use the contraceptive.

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