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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit [hmm] about people who claim to have more than one contraceptive failure?

58 replies

wannaBe · 17/03/2011 16:26

Dh's cousin is pg with her 3rd baby. Actually this is her 5th pregnancy.

Whenever she has fallen pregnant it has always been "by accident". Now, she had her first baby at fifteen so I can quite believe that the first one was unplanned, or that she hadn't been taking her contraception properly and had ended up pregnant. She had another baby at eighteen again due to "contraceptive failure" and she is now 23 and pregnant again, again due to "contraceptive failure".

In fact, she had two miscarriages last year and is now pregnant again, all of them were down to "contraceptive failure".

I don't care if she wants three children - that's up to her. But I can't see why she can't just come out and say that (esp this baby, as she is now in a long-term relationship) was planned and why she feels the need to make up a story about contraceptive failure.

Of course contraceptives can fail. But five times? I think not.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 17/03/2011 17:49

Yanbu

I see it all the time tbh.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2011 17:52

I had one of those, too, Balloon. DH and I just got carried away . . .

TrillianAstra · 17/03/2011 17:53

After the second contraceptive failure I would change my type of contraception, as it clearly wasn't working.

But I wouldn't be at just two. Or more than two if they clearly tried to find an alternative method.

tyler80 · 17/03/2011 17:53

Doubling up isn't an option for some people redexpat

ENormaSnob · 17/03/2011 17:54

Me too

he was a lovely surprise and definately not a contraception failure.

LDNmummy · 17/03/2011 17:54

Not all contraceptives have as high a success rate as 99.9%, and someone has to make up the other percentile.

Gottakeepchanging · 17/03/2011 17:55

Hmmm

One of my friends had an unexpected baby following an accident. She was estranged from dh and apparently it was a drunken incident. She moved back in , child was privatley educated , she gave up work

7 years down tne line emerges he is not the father. She knew she was already pregnant and decided he was the best bet.

If someone is claiming an accident check the calendar.

LDNmummy · 17/03/2011 17:56

In my sisters case, how could she know till the 2nd came along. Then she opted for a stronger contraceptive and it wasn't fitted well enough, hardly being careless if you opt to use a coil.

KangarooCaught · 17/03/2011 17:59

Have read before that 'condom failure' is failure to put a condom on, rather than a condom splitting but people are too embarrassed to admit it.

There's probably a pun there about a bad workman blaming his tool

JaneS · 17/03/2011 18:00

I never know quite what people mean by 'contraceptive failure' - to some people it seems to mean they took precautions and genuinely didn't expect to become pregnant. But I also know people who use that term to mean 'we were using something but actually we half expected it/we were using something but aren't too bothered now she's pregnant'.

MissVerinder · 17/03/2011 18:01

YADNBU.
99.9% of contraceptive failure is user error, whether it's someone missing a pill or a coil/implant not being fitted properly. The first "user" might not always be the person who gets pregnant (ie: doctor put coil/implant in; boyfriend put condom on etc) so it's not all on us, ladies!

TrillianAstra · 17/03/2011 18:04

expat I'd never heard of so many anything until I came on MN - in real life you have a limited pool of people you talk to and they often don't discuss this stuff. On MN there are thousands and thousands of people and there's a big sign saying "come and talk about contraceptive failures here" so the small % who have had them will come and talk about them and it will seem like a lot of people, but it's not.

TrillianAstra · 17/03/2011 18:05

LRD I don't think it's about whether you are bothered now, it's about what you were doing at the time.

I agree that people "contraceptive failure" when really it should be counted as "user error".

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 17/03/2011 18:08

"I'd never heard of so many contraceptive failures till I found MN, tbh."

haha expat - there was a few in my family (including me who wouldn't have been here if my mum's coil hadn't failed to do it's job ).

I had too unplanned pregnancies (DS2 and 3)

first was a pill failure (ok I'd missed 2 or 3 that month)
second was a totally non-usage of contraception due to excessive whisky and wine drinking..........followed by a failed MAP.

I've also had 2 condoms split and one "get lost" ) in the same period of time. (and yes they were put on properly - and the many others used with the same person were all fine - just those 3 that something went rather wrong )

Mishapen · 17/03/2011 18:09

My third baby was concieved whilst I was on the pill. Taking it religiously as I was having problems with my periods and the pill was one way of regulating them, so I know I didn't miss one, or even take one late. No one believes me (even DH was at first ) as I'd been on and on about having a third.

My second baby was an accident, but we knew we'd taken a small risk. Small as in we had sex during the week break (towards the end of the week, in fact), but I didn't resume taking the pill for the month after, we switched to condoms. So DC2 was described as an accident.

First DC I was on the pill but careless... although it was almost immaculate conception as we weren't having sex (maybe once! well...obviously must have at least once!!).

DH is getting the snip...

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 17/03/2011 18:09

too TWO.

tyler80 · 17/03/2011 18:12

"first was a pill failure (ok I'd missed 2 or 3 that month)"

To me, this isn't a contraceptive failure, I would class failure as something failing to work when used correctly. I think that's why it seems more common than you'd expect (nothing personal Baroque!)

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 17/03/2011 18:14

Agree with TA - there's a lot of people on here so more likely to hear of more.

It's like when you get the "OMG will the MAP work" threads..........and all of us who took the MAP within hours of having sex but gave birth 9 months later come on to tell them

I've often wondered was 99.99% is in real numbers - or to be more precise what the 00.01% equates to

My maths may be a bit dodgy here so please forgive me if it is - lets just say 1 million women use condoms...... that's 10,000 people that it might "fail" on!!

DMCWelshCakes · 17/03/2011 18:18

I know one couple who've had 6 such accidents. have no idea what method they use but if it were me, I'd probably be looking at alternatives.

LostInTheBlackHole · 17/03/2011 18:44

I had a contraception failure. Well actually more of an unknown drug intereaction. It was a fairly new drug out of medical trials and it wasnt a known interaction. It is now a known side effect and i cant use that method of contraception due to that medicine. I use different methods. Not sure who would be blamed for that one though as not even the medical company who made the drug realised that it would have that effect. It does happen but not sure that that one could be blamed on user error.

LostInTheBlackHole · 17/03/2011 18:45

hmm not exactly sure what the point of that post was

lesley33 · 17/03/2011 20:11

My bf has 2 children. Both times she got pregnant despite using condoms that tore and then taking the morning after pill - on both occasions. Her children don't know this though.

Buda · 17/03/2011 20:28

My sis has 5 DCs. All 'accidents'. Last 2 are twins so 4 accidents in all. She reckons she ovulated early.

Particles · 17/03/2011 20:38

My pill failed twice (the second time was not long after I had queried the dosage with my doctor due to random bleeding.) Once the baby is born I will be opting for one of those hormone-free coils I keep hearing about. Or complete abstinence.

PepsiPopcorn · 17/03/2011 20:39

YABU and judgy.

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