to be a bit [hmm] about people who claim to have more than one contraceptive failure?

[wannaBe]

Dh's cousin is pg with her 3rd baby. Actually this is her 5th pregnancy.

Whenever she has fallen pregnant it has always been "by accident". Now, she had her first baby at fifteen so I can quite believe that the first one was unplanned, or that she hadn't been taking her contraception properly and had ended up pregnant. She had another baby at eighteen again due to "contraceptive failure" and she is now 23 and pregnant again, again due to "contraceptive failure".

In fact, she had two miscarriages last year and is now pregnant again, all of them were down to "contraceptive failure".

I don't care if she wants three children - that's up to her. But I can't see why she can't just come out and say that (esp this baby, as she is now in a long-term relationship) was planned and why she feels the need to make up a story about contraceptive failure.

Of course contraceptives can fail. But five times? I think not.

It may not be them, or you, but a third family member who has issue with it & she's trying to avoid a fight. I have a friend and his family (he's the baby by 10 years) are not shy about telling people what they should do with their lives and he is Mr. Peacemaker who avoids fighting with them. When baby 1 was on the way, he got the third degree and told them the condom split. He did the same with 2 I think, and by 3 I think they figured it out (though they gave him a speech after she was born about not having another - his wife gave them a short sharp earful). None were accidents, but I guess to some a 'blessed accident' is better/more forgiveable than being seen as "irresponsible" enough to do it on purpose.

Thing is that if while driving you hit another car because you didn't check carefully enough at a junction to see if another vehicle was approaching, you have had an accident because you didn't mean it to happen.

And if you have hit another car because your brakes failed that it also an accident.

In one case it's your fault, and the other it isn't. But they are still both accidents.

Someone who doesn't know me well who hears me say DS2 was an accident may assume the condom split or the pill or coil failed. Whereas if they asked for details - which they never do! - I'd tell them we got pissed and forgot to take any precautions.

I had one contraceptive failure and have never ever had another.

I have a belt and braces approach now - I'm on the pill, but we also use condoms. No way am I ever ever having another.

The contraceptive failure is my PFB btw

Notjust may well have hit the nail on the head.

My family seem to think DS was an accident as he was "badly timed" by their measure (born 10 weeks before our wedding), but actually, he was planned, like clockwork (we tried for 4 months and were going to stop if I wasn't pregnant after that as I would have been due too close). We were really happy to have the baby before the wedding, my mother thought it was thoroughly unfortunate. I never got around to putting her straight.

Most contraceptive failures are user failures, not a failure of the method itself.

Women don't tend to like to admit that they messed up using their contraception.

In my experience women who get pregnant using the pill usually haven't taken it properly, or didn't follow the 7 day rule for antibiotics, or vomited within 3 hours of taking their pill and hadn't read the leaflet so didn't know they wouldn't necessarily be protected. Also many women who need the ECP due to a split condom didn't actually use one at all when you dig deeper

ffs, original posts like this always make me annoyed. why is it that only the people who have trouble conceiving are the ones allowed any sort of sympathy? The ONLY sort of contraception that is a hundred percent, is to just not do it.

Used properly, a condom is only 98% efective
Used properly, the pill is only 98% effective
Used properly, the coil is only 97% effective.

to those people who arent suffering from subfertility, are young, healthy and in stable relationships, that is a hell of a high percentage of getting pregnant. and once pregnant, what are you supposed to do? say oh no, sorry, it wasnt planned, so i cant have it?

I know how to use contraception properly. I havnet gotten drunk and not used it therefore having an 'accident' the condom didnt split. the pill was not forgotten. the coil was put in place properly. and yet i ahve still conceived using all these methods. and to then have to hear someone come along and think i am a fuckwit just because she doesnt belive me, is, frustrating, to put it mildly.

Summed up excellently ladysybil.

Both DS1 and DS2 were contraception failures - I took the pill religiously and got pregnant twice 9yrs apart.
Oddly enough all the time I haven't been on the pill I haven't got pregnant - but then I do have screwed up hormones that didn't allow me to know I was pg with DS1 until I was 5m along.

I have not used any contraception since having DS2 3.6yrs ago and there have been no "accidents" work that one out.