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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pretty pissed off with this doctor.

99 replies

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 16/03/2011 18:34

I've been visiting my usual gp for sometime as I've been suffering with palpitations and panic attacks.
Over the past year I've lost two close family members had two misscariages and lost my home! We are currently in a bnb all sharing a room, me, dp, ds age 3 and dd age 2.
My usual doctors been away some time and the council insited on a letter saying I'd had appointments etc so I gave in a visited another. Also I've been feeling a lot worse,

He barely let me open my mouth when he was weighing me and saying my weight was the problem for everything! Loosing my gran who brought me can't affect my health at all apparently. Also my exzema had flared up, also weight. I know I'm a big girl size 22 maybe 24 I'm not stupid but right now and for the past year I've had more important things to care about than me, I'm on anti depressants ffs.

So I've left basically being told to eat a salad and exercise. That should be a piece of piss seeing as were skint so can just about afford to feed to kids not ourself.

Maybe I'm overeacting I just needed some help not a kick when I'm down! He turned to dp who was with me for support as ill cry at anything and said you need to loose weight too, think about your children!! Dp is 6"5 and a 38" waist, since when is that obese?
I'm sat here blubbing like a twat wondering why I bothered

OP posts:

moondog · 17/03/2011 20:46

Who shouted or wants to shout 'Eh Fatty?!'
I feel very sortry for fat people. It must be so awful.

There are undoubtedly other issues but I fail to see how ascribing the cause of Op's weight problems to them is helpful.

It is often more useful to see something as a cause rather than, as lovers of victim culture invartiably do an effect.

The idea of taking lessons in etiqueete from Cupckaes is laughable however.

pointythings · 17/03/2011 20:50

OK Moondog, let me put you on the spot here - do you or do you not think that the doctor in question was insensitive and unhelpful? I think we all - OP included - understand that being a healthy weight is a good thing. Given the OP's background however and the fact that the GP advised her and partner to stop smoking (when they did not smoke) on top of the focus on weight/not addressing any of the other problems - do you really think this GP did a good job?

moondog · 17/03/2011 20:58

He sounds rather blunt.
I'm not sure what else he could do or what else he could realistically offer.
What is the point of say, a kindly chat? The bloke is probably got a 5 minute slot for ever person. 30 minutes with this woman would be a rather expensive and ultimately pointless thing.

I'm not keen on this idea of nebulous 'support'.It doesn't change anything. Personal action does however.

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 17/03/2011 21:04

hey ladies, sorry ive been absent today, dd kindly took a large bite on my phone and has completely wrecked the screen, luckily the kind bnb owner gave me the key to her broadband so i can use that.

its a shame moondog is such a bitch since she is so perfect she may have been able to offer good advice.

i am not disagreeing with the weight issue, i just feel let down that he chose to focus solely on that and nothing else.

today i have walked alot! and ate fruit as thats on offer! Spoke to my close friend and shes given me her set of slimming world books as her and her husband have a set each, tonight me and dp are having a good read and going to plan (as much as we can in these circumstances) some decent meals! Any of you who have followed the plan, advice welcomed

As someone suggested im going to get a pedometer and do the 10000 steps a day, and the friend mentioned above is going swimming with me monday nights. i also plan to chase dd around soft play tomorrow instead of using it as a break!

thanks again to all of you who have offered help and support, its dragged me from feeling sorry for myself to feeling motivated!

OP posts:

pointythings · 17/03/2011 21:09

OP,

Fabulous!
If you can't get the help from your GP, go out and get it yourself and it sounds as if you are strong enough to do that.

And even if you don't start losing weight straight away - which you might not, given your situation - you will be eating better and boosting your fitness so good on you.

AuntieMaggie · 17/03/2011 21:12

You aren't in Bristol by any chance? I had a similar problem not so long ago with a locum GP at my surgery.....

SW is probably the easiest thing for you to follow with your restricted income as you can eat plenty of pasta which is cheap. There are some SW threads in the weight loss section.

I'm sorry you've had a shite time - the most important thing is that you look after yourself.

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 17/03/2011 21:55

nope, im in suffolk!

i think despite upsetting me it gave me the shock i needed to realised i needed to change and put me and dp back as priorities, since there is nothing i can do other than nag the council about whats happening next i have plenty of time to focus on us, i cant believe how stupid weve been, when we make sure the children eat so well!

ive also volunteered myself at ds preschool for helping out in anyway possible and me and dp are doing leaflets for and a huge clean up after the easter egg hunt that is open to public, that should keep me busy for a bit.

OP posts:

Joolyjoolyjoo · 17/03/2011 21:55

The doctor sounds like a horrible man. OK, I understand they need to point out the risks of being overweight (because obviously overweight people don't know that they are overweight, and will be surprised to hear that there are associated health risks, because only a person who has studied medicine could know or impart this knowledge )

That aside, the OP was there to follow up a condition she has been seeing her normal GP about for some time. Did the doctor ask about your palpitations/ panic attacks,jj? Did he ask about any medication you might be on and any problems you might be having with it? Did he seem to be familiar with your notes? Did he sound your chest thoroughly? Check your pulse? Ask about any other symptoms?

If he didn't give you a proper consultation with regards to the problem you came in for, in my view he is completely negligent. If you came in with a broken bone, is the cure for that weight loss? How then, without a full check up and without full knowledge of your clinical history, can he possibly say with any confidence that your problem is all down to weight and concentrate on that?? Beggars belief!

Complain loudly. By all means try to lose some weight, but go back to your original GP too, and report the guy you saw today. Fair enough if he mentioned weight after examining you properly and getting a good overview of your condition, but it's very lazy of him to presume that all your problems are down to your weight- how convenient for him, one lecture covers all, and takes all the onus off him. Grr.

moondog · 17/03/2011 22:01

'i think despite upsetting me it gave me the shock i needed to realised i needed to change and put me and dp back as priorities'

Excellent! So ultimately it was a productive vist. You sound like you have a really positive plan of action for which you and your family are taking responsibility. I hope you get rehoused soon.

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 17/03/2011 22:06

jooly, he didnt touch me, he sat and spoke and asked to weigh me which again he did from his chair.

also after having tonsillitis two weeks ago i cant shift a cough, he ignored that.

Im ringing the surgery in the morning to see if my usual gp is back, fingers crossed she is!

OP posts:

Joolyjoolyjoo · 17/03/2011 22:12

jj, see for ME that is what rankles. It's just so bloody lazy (and arrogant) of him to look at you and assume that all your problems must be down to your weight. Do these guys not even care that they could be missing something important??

As I said, I would take the weight lecture with far more grace and far more seriously from a doctor who had actually done his job, and who I then felt added the lecture because it seemed appropriate, not just because it was an easy thing to jump on and got him out of having to actually do anything (Sorry, I get really mad about this type of thing!)

vicbar · 17/03/2011 22:13

Hi Im sorry your having a shitty time from what you posted I presume your in receipt of benefits so when you go back to see another Dr ask for a referral to the gym. DH used to be a fitness instructor at the council gym and used tyo get GP referrals for people who were recovering from operations, overweight or depressed and it was free to use the gym.
I also have suffered panic attacks and palpitations and echo what everyone else has said about exercise, even going for a walk somewhere quiet helped me.

I hope the clouds start clearing soon.

majordanjarvis · 17/03/2011 22:35

"i think despite upsetting me it gave me the shock i needed to realised i needed to change"

So, maybe now that you've had time to reflect, you realise that some tough love was no bad thing?

Good. Best of luck.

maighdlin · 17/03/2011 23:20

OP i know exactly how you must have felt. its so frustrating. I'm your size as well and every bloody problem i have is according to GP because i'm overweight. I have cried so many times in the car park. I know that being overweight hardly helps the situation but it annoys me when they discount all other things. for example, i have the worst heartburn ever and at times it has got so bad my oesophagus is properly burnt and i can't swallow without a lot of pain. i went to docs about it and they said it was because i was over weight. nothing to do with the high levels of anti-inflammatory tablets i take every single day, because i have arthritis in my hips because of surgery when i was younger (and not overweight). oh no its because im a big fat fucker who brings all my problems upon myself. i have since seen a lovely GP who referred me and when i had an endoscopy the dr nearly shat at the damage that has been caused.

it so frustrating at times. i have had other problems since childhood, but my childhood experiences were ignored and the focus was on my weight. god forbid fat people ever get something wrong with them that isn't caused by their weight.

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 17/03/2011 23:29

maighdlin, im so sorry to hear youve had such a hard time before someone gave you some real help, that is awful!

jooly, im kinda relieved to know it wasnt just me who was treated shoddily, however its also quite sad that this is happening all to often. Im lucky i have mumsnet for real advice, how many people come away completely lost?

dont get me wrong this is my first personal bad experience with the NHS, however my grandma suffered with astma type symptoms etc for a long time and they blamed it on her being an ex smoker, she finally had enough and saw another dr, irronically the dr who helped her is the one who was so rude to me, and he discovered terminal lung cancer and she died mere months later as they found it too late.

anyway subject in hand, weve found a private rent in the next town thats reasonable rent, if a bit small, not sure wether to go for it as its a bit out of the way from family, and weve made this mistake before... going to ask the council wtf is taking so long tomorrow before i do anything i think.

OP posts:

Longtime · 18/03/2011 08:20

I think it's ultimately the positive posts on here in reaction to the gp that have helped jj act. Had she just had the gp visit and not posted here or had the visit and got all negative posts, I don't think she would be feeling at all positive.

Good luck jj. Hope the encouraging things said on here help give you the strength to stick to your plan.

wellwisher · 18/03/2011 10:49

Well done :) let us know how things go with the other GP!

pingu2209 · 18/03/2011 11:25

You can ask to see a different doctor in your surgery. I'm a size 26/28 so I have everything that goes wrong put down to my weight. They are probably right, but if taking weight off and more to the point keeping it off was that easy there wouldn't be overweight people.

Each year I lose 5 stone and put on 5 1/2 - have done for the past 15 years! Are there any doctors who are prepared to discuss the fact I can't stick to a diet?

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 18/03/2011 11:51

My gp is still unavailable apparently, im in for an ECG with a nurse though after the phone call i had with her.

well day one is going good so far. ive spent 15minutes on a trampoline with dd (god bless over indulgent grandparents) at my mums house and were off for a nice long walk before the childrens bedtime tonight, im also off to find myself a pedometer.

longtime is right btw

i popped over to the weightloss thread last night and managed to find another lady just starting SW and looking to loose about the same amount of weight and were going to support each other.

thanks again ladies

OP posts:

Longtime · 18/03/2011 14:15

:) Hope all goes well!

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 18/03/2011 20:05

ECG was for the best part ok, but started off slightly erractic, im almost 100% that this was down to the fact i was naked from the waist up!

OP posts:

ambarth · 18/03/2011 20:21

YANBU Being overweight is unhealthy but he should have dealt with the problem you went in with. Change doctor. What an arsehole.

ambarth · 18/03/2011 20:23

The eczema will be down to stress. I have eczema and am a terrible yo-yo dieter. No connection to weight IME.

moondog · 18/03/2011 21:40

'Each year I lose 5 stone and put on 5 1/2 - have done for the past 15 years! Are there any doctors who are prepared to discuss the fact I can't stick to a diet?'

Have you thought about not wasting their time and asking yourself this question?

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