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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH spent £67 on junk food in 3 days?

104 replies

Strictly · 16/03/2011 11:43

DH has gone away for a week with work. He's been gone since late Sunday. I checked online banking today and since he's been gone he's spent £67! The charges are McD's, Burger King, a chippy, Sainsbury's and Tesco.... he also spent £20 on 'treats' for him to take with him the day before he left.

All their meals are provided there so AIBU to be annoyed he's spent more than we normally spend on a weeks family shop on pure junk food for himself in 3 DAYS! Angry

OP posts:
kittybuttoon · 16/03/2011 18:45

Sounds to me like his compulsions might have begun when his mother was so strictly rationing the food?

Think about it from his viewpoint. You're now behaving just like his mother- checking up on him and making judgements about his food choices.

I know that is only natural for you to be angry under the circs, but he probably feels guilty as hell about the overspending, but it's a compulsion, and the more you criticise, the more he'll hate himself, the more he'll eat and so it will go on.

None of this is your fault in any way, but you may be able to help by

  • engaging with him on an adult basis and talking to him as a fellow adult (eg: I'm interested in why you make these choices - and let HIM tell you why)
  • not commenting adversely on his food choices, and never making them on his behalf
  • NOT using words like 'yum yums' for food choices - that is reverting to childhood and won't help get things back on an adult footing

I'm honestly not criticising, because these matters are BLOODY hard to live with - but invariably adopting parent/child roles is a hindrance, rather than a help.

Original poster
Strictly · 16/03/2011 20:42

I've not told told him I think he's greedy. He doesn't know that I know about all of it. I told him I'm seen the first few charges yesterday and he said how they all stopped off at the services on the way etc and how he'd had a chippy etc.

I agree that a lot stems from his mother being very stingy with food. When we stay there I notice myself that I'm not full after a meal. So I think when he has freedom he does go a little crazy, but this is something else!

OP posts:
Original poster
Strictly · 16/03/2011 20:43

I've seen rather.

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 18/03/2011 11:19

Has he got home from his trip yet, OP? Did he spend anymore than the £67 in the end?

Original poster
Strictly · 18/03/2011 12:22

Nope :) he's still away. I've not checked online banking since as I don't really want to spy too much, plus if there are loads more charges I'll just be annoyed and I can't stop him right now anyway... I have been telling him all the lovely and healthy things I'll be making him next week though. He'll be having a little detox whether he wants to or not, I'm not having him die of a heart attack after all that fat.

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 18/03/2011 12:26

Hope you get things sorted when he gets back, Strictly.

Out of interest, how do you get your food bill so low? I could use a few tips! Smile

lurkeyishere · 18/03/2011 12:49

seriously you havent checked?? I would be checking you posted this a week before he is due home so potentially he could spend in excess of an extra £100 if you dont have the money why let him carry on?

Original poster
Strictly · 18/03/2011 13:46

I'm not checking because I can't stop him! I've told him I'm not happy and he'll be an obese 50 year old with diabetes if he's goes on this way. If I keep checking he'll see I've been logging on and be annoyed I'm checking and if I see anymore charges I'll just end up screaming at him down the phone and then he'll need more junk food to make himself feel better!

We do have the money, it's just we are saving really hard at the moment. So all the money he's wasted has just pushed the new car we need even further back Angry

I'm just hoping that he'll have eaten so much crap those first few days that he got it out of his system and is just eating the 3 meals a day they get there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strictly · 18/03/2011 13:50

Oh and as for the food bill. I cook from scratch essentially. I have a bread maker and a slow cooker so use them a lot. Plus I don't need £20 of junk a week... I never buy value stuff though, I buy own brands for everything apart from getting good quality meat. With the value meat I'm not willing to contribute to terrible animal welfare so I can get cheaper chicken. Plus I'm breasfeeding so now alcohol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strictly · 18/03/2011 13:52

No alcohol rather.

OP posts:
wellwisher · 18/03/2011 13:53

You have the self control of a saint (unlike your DH). Personally, on seeing the first lot of charges I would have taken our enough cash for a couple of weeks' housekeeping and then reported the card as stolen so he couldn't use it any more Grin

ashamedandconfused · 18/03/2011 13:54

he thinks hes on holidqy and has no responsibilities if you ask me

I guess its his way of rebelling against you being in control of the family food budget and meal plan

not on though, IMO, shows a lack of respect for you - how would he feel if you went out and blew a similar amount on silly stuff you did not need?

HecateTheCrone · 18/03/2011 13:59

why can't you stop him?

I have removed money from our bank account many times. when my husband was going out drinking a lot and we didn't have much money, I logged on and shifted the lot into an account he couldn't access!

If he wants to be a selfish pig, then I will be a controlling bitch Grin Why don't you move the money? Why the hell should he spend willy nilly while at the same time expecting sacrifice from you?

I assume he'll be more than happy for you to take a hundred or two when he gets home and go blow it?

No. I didn't think so.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 18/03/2011 14:06

Ashamed, I wouldn't say the OP is in control of the family food budget; it is her DH who says they must cut back and not overspend on the food. He still buys treats each week in the weekly shop for himself but the OP has said earlier in the thread that she isn't allowed to buy anything nice for herself.

lurkeyishere · 18/03/2011 14:32

why cant you stop him? why cant you scream down the phone at him? I would if I thought that me and our kids where making sacrifices and my OH wasnt
Hes a big boy he needs to learn that! stop making allowances for his upbringing seriously your worse for ignoring it IMO

Original poster
Strictly · 18/03/2011 19:51

Right I've just checked and he's spent £40 on credits for some stupid online game he plays. I've actually lost the will to live.

He's actually a 14 year old.

OP posts:
FourFortyFour · 18/03/2011 20:53

ShockSad

What are you going to do? I can't bare the thought of you going without while he dicks about with games and yum fucking yums.

colditz · 18/03/2011 22:38

EMPTY YOUR ACCOUNT NOW

before he spends the money that was put aside for the children's food.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 18/03/2011 22:40

I think he's behaving in an appalling way, Strictly. I agree with Colditz, empty the account.

LoveLeonardCohen · 18/03/2011 22:47

YANBU bit gross really

twolittlemonkeys · 18/03/2011 22:54

Shock at his ridiculous teenage behaviour. Empty the account or ring the bank and stop his card. It's absolutely not on that he's binging on junk (and now games) whilst you and your DC are on such a restricted budget.

colditz · 19/03/2011 11:37

What have you done?

tryingtoleave · 19/03/2011 13:02

How old is your DH? My DH eats piles of crap - will sit down and eat a whole frozen cheesecake in a sitting. He was always super skinny until last year, at 32, when his metabolism seems to have slowed down. He has put on a huge amount of weight in the last year. He doesn't look fat yet, because he is so tall, but if he keeps going at this rate he will be obese in a few years.

I have pointed this out to him - but he says the problem is that I don't 'let' him exercise enough (he plays football once a week and walks about an hour a day, to and from work).

Original poster
Strictly · 19/03/2011 19:26

He's late 20's. The frozen cheesecake is eerily familiar.

He came back for today... off again tomorrow. Ask if we could all go out for Chinese Buffet. I nearly murdered him. Actually.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/03/2011 19:36

There is no way he can spend £22 per day on extras when he is provided with 3 meals a day, surely?? Something not right here.

And I can't believe some posters are criticising you for making his meals at home too small/boring! Did I time travel back to the 1950s??

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