To want to discuss yr 5 ds's punishment with his teacher?

[Longstocking2]

dh says "leave it, don't undermine her, he needs to just accept it." but I think she's being very heavy handed.
Don't want to go into detail but should parents teach their kids to just accept the punishment (obviously within legal reason and amnesty guidelines..!.) regardless of its fairness because that's like a life lesson?
I don't want to undermine the teacher, I just think punishment should be fair, quick and appropriate to the misdemeanor.
I'd be interested in other parents' experiences.

Well I can't without possibly identifying myself.

I'm just interested in how other people deal with it. I think she should keep within the behaviour policy. That's all. It's actually very clearly stated in steps and she's gone from step 1 to step 4/5 in one go. That's why I'm p**ed off.

I've always, always backed the school when ds is naughty and one teacher used to say, look he's been punished, he doesn't need to lose privileges at home. We really always support the school and the teachers. That's why I'm finding this year so hard because I think this teacher's heart is in the wrong place at the moment and it's distressing to watch your child lose confidence and become increasingly anxious. I know the school very very well and most of his teachers have been great.

yes agree with yellowvan - there is usually a "skip all of these steps" option for serious things.

Kreech, English is totally my first lang (wtf?) have English A level grade B actually... (peeved).

are you sure that they've missed out all the steps?

Only asking as I have a DS in YR5 too........and it wouldn't be the first time he's omitted to tell me the "lead up" to a punishment.......

If she has come down really heavy handed is it because your ds dud some really bad? Can you at least give us some idea if what he did? Was it verbal, physical, destructing equipment, bullying?

One pupil in my class once told her mother that she had been denied snack and had to sit in the corner whilst the others ate theirs. It was pure fabrication.

cherry thanks for a moment of compassion from one mother to another, I forget what a bloody nose you can get on mumsnet! (Kreecher, 'bloody nose' colloquial expression for getting a smacking from other mumsnetters in case you are unfamiliar with the expression)

I would love to go in and just clarify but dh says I really really should leave it because I went in earlier in the term about something else ( I was very respectful and always have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt in the past.) My problem is I am so upset about it that even asking her about what happened is going to look like I'm questioning it. I don't think I can talk to her without her being defensive. I genuinely think I have to leave it and let him 'suck it up' as one of the other posters so compassionately put it!

oh my DS doesn't do stuff like that Memoo.

He'll come home and tell me that he had a "step 4" (for example to use the OP's descriptions) pusnishment for X misdemeanour. and I'll sit there and think - that's odd - not a usual punishment for that.

Further digging (or a trip to the school) usually reveals that he did a,b,c and d and had steps 1-3 given previously......and that what he did and step 4 was the end result

I have his parents evening tomorrow

He was 'silly' twice apparently, that's what she told him, no one was hurt at all, ds is a gentle soul, never been in trouble for hurting anyone unlike some of the kids in his class.
I guess if I really buttoned my lip and just asked what happened, looking concerned about his having been naughty maybe it won't be seen as a confrontation I hope. I would like to think she has been fair and maybe there are things I don't know.

As the others have said, it's normal to skip steps for serious misdemeanours.

I would go to the teacher and use the neutral angle of wanting to know what happened and what the punishment was. My y5 son might innocently miss out an important detail.

I have parents evening next week for dd who is now in high school. I have to see ten teachers!!! I'm going to have to keep notes I think

We must have been typing at the same time.

Being silly sounds like a minor offence.

Lockets, I disagree, I think that it was quite rude actually, it happens to be my mother tongue and I have never been asked if it's my first language before!

oh god the dreaded "silly"..............your DS isn't my DS1 is he - he uses (and adds on) "silly" to just about anything that isn't downright naughty or vindictive arghhh

(ime "silly" is often used by teachers to nicely describe stupid and potentially dangerous behaviour"

I agree Beertricks, that's all I wanted to hear really - thanks for that.

so what relevance could it have? Why mention it?
I've never ever ever been questioned on that before so, sorry, but it's irritating, imo, my English is pretty good! I don't have many strengths but that's one of my paltry handful.

I am sorry that you think I was rude, but tough tit. I think it was the way you seemed to carefully phrase things. It it offends you that much I'll ask for my post to be deleted (once I get back from my hugely exciting trip to the supermarket).

If he is in trouble regularly, you should perhaps be questioning why his behaviour is so naughty in class?

I also think you were a bit harsh to Kreecher too, who was not rude to you at all.