Falling asleep in charge of a baby

[ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky]

I have been having an argument with dh over this for the last couple of weeks, basically since I realised he was doing it

Baby is 7 months, very mobile but not yet walking. DH has a habit of falling asleep on the sofa while in sole charge of ds, when ds is not asleep himself.

I feel this is completely unreasonable in any circumstances as ds could hurt himself in any number of ways when not being watched but dh thinks I am being completely unreasonable because he has looked after many more babies than I have (oldest of a large family) and "he wakes up if he hears a noise". I doubt this because dh is a heavy sleeper. Case in point, I once heard ds crying over the noise of the shower, on a different floor of the house and between 2 closed doors. DH was in the same room and fast asleep.

I am also a "complete bitch" for raising the point that I am right because ds fell to the floor aged 2 weeks old while dh fell asleep while holding him. DH maintains that as ds was fine and not even crying he doesn't even know if he did fall to the floor or if dh put him there (while he was asleep ) therefore that doesn't count as he may not have done anything wrong.

I however am wrong about raising this issue because dh only told me about this incident because 2 months ago ds fell off the sofa while in my care. I was not asleep, I was less than a foot away from him, I just wasn't fast enough. DH told me about it to console me because I was nearly hysterical. So now I'm a bitch for pointing out that if dh hadn't been asleep he would have known how ds got on the floor.

What has really annoyed me today though is that I am normally asleep when dh is in charge of ds (if I'm lucky I get a small lie in once a week because I insist that dh does the morning routine to give me a break) and I'm woken up by ds crying downstairs. DS wouldn't cry for this long if dh paid proper attention and fed him when needed etc instead of just leaving him to his own devices.

but if he goes to all that effort to ensure that he can then go and lie on the sofa and sleep, he is clearly deliberately having a sleep rather than looking after DS as he is supposed to be doing.
Its not like he is trying to play with DS and then accidentally dozing off. He's preparing the room to have a full on sleep.

WHY cant he just accept that for 2 or 3 hours he will not be sleeping and instead of spending his energy setting up the room for a sleep, he could make DS breakfast, change his nappy, get him dressed, play with him etc. That way you actually get your proper lie in!

THEN if he is really tired after that, he can go and have a snooze once you are fully refreshed and up to watch DS yourself.

Can you talk to DH about it more along the lines of that? Instead of focusing on how you dont think its safe (because that will just cause a row with him saying its safe and you saying its not). Explain that you really want to have the one lie in a week on your turn(I presume he gets a proper lie in the other weekend morning). Make it clear that you cant sleep if you can hear DS crying and that DS WILL be crying if he is not fed, changed and played with.
If you ask your DH straight out to make sure he is awake with DS for minimum 2 hours on your lie in day and to make sure he feeds him etc and on return he can have a short nap after you get up before you all go out for the day/do whatever - what would he likely say do you think?

My DP did this one morning. I was in the shower when I heard the garden gate go. Thought it was DP going out to the car for something. Looked out of the bedroom window to see 2.5yo DD standing in the middle of the road! I ran downstairs and the sneaky fucker had got the spare duvet wrapped around him, oblivious to the patio door and garden gate swinging open. The neighbours got an eyeful as I only had a little towel but my God, did he get a roasting when I got back in. I was incandescent. I will never forgive him for that. Ever. We both worked full time at that point.
Still, Shiny, at least your DH seems to be doing it by "accident" iykwim.

Bathsheba that does sound very like my dh's situation at the moment. It used to be that if he didn't have to wake up for a reason (like to go to work for example) he would be fine, wide awake within minutes, we even used to joke about it. But recently (since his work pattern changed) he has been terrible all the time!

Well like someone else said, he needs to be getting the baby changed and give him breakfast. Then if he falls asleep if he sits down, he needs to do something to keep himself awake. He sounds like he is doing it on purpose and thinks it doesn't matter. Not accidental.

In the one and a half hours out of the whole week while you get a "lie in" til 7.30! (my ex h was worse than this by the way).

And bringing up something that happened ages ago, was to prove he doesn't notice what is happening when he is asleep. He should not call you a bitch.

He might be tired because of work, and he might not, but at least he gets long stretches of sleep, which you do not. Does he stay up late at night doing leisure activities? (computer games, tv, etc)

If he goes to the doctor, he will either find out there is an excuse and ways to deal with it, or find out he is being lazy and not prepared to give you some much needed sleep even once a week for a short time. Even if the room is babyproofed, he still needs to be aware. If he cannot doze and be aware, (which we know he can't, as he doesn't wake up to crying), he needs to stay awake.

'Princessparty - I have to disagree with you, because I don't think it is that easy to totally baby-proof a room, unless you remove every item of furniture and pad any sharp corner.'

Well I don't think my living room has any sharp corners and why would you want to remover every piece of furniture The baby might slip and bang himself on a table, but that's just par for the course of getting mobile isn't it?

Can I just say I knew a girl whose ex-P fell asleep on the sofa while 'looking after' their 3 week old son. The baby died.

Queen of dreams- I assume you are talking about falling asleep with the baby on the sofa which is a very dangerous thing to do.The OP's scenario is that the mobile baby of 7 m is cruising/crawling about the room.
I can't see how being awake or asleep would make a difference to a 3 wk old baby

That was my point, princessparty - it's not that easy to remove all hazards from a room, so that it would be safe for the OP's dh to be so soundly asleep as she's said he is.

I think you DH needs to get to the doctors (I used to be a doctor myself). Although him falling asleep in charge of DC is unacceptable I would be most worried about him driving TBH. Is this a new problem or has he been like this for a long time?

Is he overweight and snoring? If so Sleep apnoea could be a problem - it is more common than narcolepsy. They could also be a lot of other causes for this tiredness. I know it can be difficult to persuade some people to get to the doctors.

When I read this I couldn't help making a comment as I think falling asleep (especially whilst standing up!) like this could be a cause for concern.

He's not overweight - the wii fit thinks he's underweight! and he doesn't snore.

He has always been fine driving, but then it's something he really enjoys doing which always tends to keep him awake. He's never fallen asleep standing up...well so far anyway!

Thinking about it now, I think it may be stress related because of work. Unfortunately, he hasn't got a day off for another 4 weeks so I'm trying to let him get as much rest as he can in the meantime.

Sorry I misunderstood - you said he fell asleep whilst holding your baby (obviously he was sitting down!) I had just imagined for some reason he was standing up.

Sounds a little less worrying but there can still be many causes of feeling tired all the time. Perhaps stress is affecting the quality of his sleep? I hope you can find a way of sorting out this problem