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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Banned from Starbucks

360 replies

Monicachoux · 15/03/2011 21:44

I am part of a group of new mothers who used to meet a local Birmingham Starbucks for a coffee and chat once a week. The Starbucks is located within a hotel, and both businesses share a lounge area big enough for us, our babies and baby equipment.
We have (after about 6 meets) been told we are not welcome to meet there anymore as the "venue has been booked for corporate seminars and events on the days you meet, and this will be taking place for the next few months".
Starbucks boasts a sign stating "Sit and relax in our lounge area at the back", yet, we are no longer welcome to relax here with our babies anymore... Numbers for our group range from about 4 or 5 mums with their babies up to about 7 or 8 (so we're hardly an army) and each of us consumed drinks and snacks from the coffee shop and hotel when we went there... Are we being unreasonable by expecting to be treated like any other Starbucks customer in spite of (the horror!) having babies? I have to say that I for one was quite shocked when they (very nicely) informed us we couldn't meet there anymore- this is DEFINITELY NOT a baby-friendly establishment

OP posts:
hester · 15/03/2011 22:10

I don't know. Does your group tend to stay a long time, dominating the area and

My local Starbucks is completely taken over with mothers and children (including me). Occasionally someone without children wanders in and tries to work on their laptop, then sits there tutting and sighing at all the baby mayhem erupting around them. I always want to lean forward and say to them, "There are plenty of cafes down this high street where you can't manoeuvre a buggy between the tables. If you don't have children, honestly don't come here!"

BUT I do think that sometimes mothers forget the impact their presence can have on others. This morning, I tried to take advantage of a child asleep in the buggy by catching a quick coffee. As usual, Starbucks was humming with mums and burbling toddlers - no problem. But one group of friends had two kids with them who started screaming and Just Didn't Stop. One in particular - for the entire 40 minutes I was there. He looked about 20 months old and was strapped into his buggy, crying and crying to get out I guess. His mum just ignored him, clearly desperate to get in a lunch with her mates.

Inevitably, he woke my daughter. He spoilt my lunch, for sure. I was tempted to Have Words with the mum, but stopped when I saw her face. She looked absolutely shattered, as though she hadn't slept for a year. I do feel intensely sympathetic to her. I also think that her sleep deprivation and her desperation to get a bit of time for herself had blinkered her to the impact of her actions. She needs to remember that it is NOT ok to let your child scream nonstop for 40 minutes in a crowded public place.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that you are probably NBU - I've got a tribal loyalty to you that puts me pretty much on your side Grin But is there just a possibility that you're not seeing the impact your presence has on other cafe users?

A1980 · 15/03/2011 22:13

At the risk of sounding unpopular I have to say I think YABU.

The reason being I been sat next to a mothers meeting on my lunch break from work several times. 5-6 mothers with their babies. Not with standing the fact that they take up half the cafe by parkig the buggies around them so no one can get near the tables, they saw fit to take their babies out of their prams and lay rugs out for them to play on. They were crawling all over the place and getting underfoot when people were carrying trays of hot drinks. One of them stood up against their buggy and the mother hadn't applied the brake and so the buggy rolled away suddenly, hitting another customer sat at another table and the baby fell on it's face and then screamed the cafe down but it was hurt.

The noise was terrible and I'm sorry but I can't be doing with that when I'm on my lunch break. My day's stressful enough, i want to sit quietly. So i never went back. The way I feel is that yes mothers meetings are paying customers but they shouldn't take the piss. It isn't their home. If they want have mother's meetings with their children having free regin to crawl all over the floor and play with toys then they should go to each others homes once a week.

I think large groups of mothers and babies underestimate how large their presence is and how other customers can and will avoid it by going elsewhere.

CrazyHorse · 15/03/2011 22:14

How come new mums don't meet at each others houses any more?

QueenOfFlippingEverything · 15/03/2011 22:15

OP - is the lounge still open to other customers, or has it been exclusively booked for corporate events?

If the former then go ahead and make a fuss. Though they are entiteld to ask you not to meet there, and ou may have to find somewhere else anyway.

But it sounds like the latter, in which case YABU and precious and have a persecution complex.

catchmeifyoucan · 15/03/2011 22:15

I do wish there was a 'like' button here but there isn't so ^like^ to A1980's post.

catchmeifyoucan · 15/03/2011 22:16

crazyhorse - do you suppose it's because they cracked on to the fact that they can do two hours ruining everyone's lives in Starbucks for the price of one cup of coffee each? Or is that just me being cynical?

Quattrocento · 15/03/2011 22:18

There is no way I'd go near a Starbucks hosting a mothers meeting, featuring up to 8 mothers with at least one child, possibly two each. It would be ghastly. Crowded and the noise levels would be impossible. Every sympathy for them.

Tell you what, why don't you rotate the meeting around one another's houses?

curlymama · 15/03/2011 22:19

I agree with the posters that say you are probably underestimating the impact you have in there. 7 or 8 Mums plus babies, plus equipment, plus the odd toddler that understandably refuses to stay in one area for the two hours that their Mothers choose to sit around for, are incredibly offputting for other customers.

I love babies, I had them and I work with them, but I actively avoid going to our local Costa that is overrun with Mums and prams every day of the week.

Rosebud05 · 15/03/2011 22:22

The 'sitting round in coffee shops' doesn't (or shouldn't) last for long anyway.

Once the babies want to be out of the buggies more than in them and can grab things, I really don't think coffee shops are a sensible place to be en masse.

Tbh, I think the coffee shops saying that it's not 'baby friendly' is quite accurate.

And Starfucks are shite. Give your money to a decent local place if there are any.

smoresonthecampfire · 15/03/2011 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kallista · 15/03/2011 22:28

YANBU + YABU. It depends how much room you take up (by equipment do u just mean a pram?). Also if you have toddlers - are they kept under control? I've seen small children racing round, rolling on the floor, throwing food around messily (off-putting when you're trying to eat!), and one boy actually overturning an armchair.
Businessmen / local workers do spend a lot, while they have lunch / make deals; if your group are considerate to others and also buy adequate coffees then YANBU. But if you are noisy (eg several screaming babies) well, most coffee shops are for adults to chill out in, so YABU. Maybe see if you can find a friendlier coffee shop that will reserve a corner for your group, so you can still have adult time with your babies too.

Heroine · 15/03/2011 22:36

I think its a bloody good idea - I hate the starbucks=creche bollocks it really offends me when I want a quiet coffee and a chat and all the best seats are taken by a series of mummies with expensive space-consuming pushchairs who only give up those best seats to the next wave of the creche - its really unfair, and bloody noisy - sure kids need to be welcomed, but that is not the same as parking out for three hours at a time whilst your kids go mental with your other similarly inconsiderate mummy friends.

I always thought of starbucks as an adults place, but some people seem to think of it as almost exclusively a mother and baby meet for people who don't want to go to scummy community centres.. honestly!!

SmethwickBelle · 15/03/2011 22:38

I think the coffee shop meets tend to run their course anyway as by the time you have crawling, cruising babies that aren't content to sit in car seat or pram you need more space for them. That's when meeting at people's houses doesn't work as well for big meet ups either as not many people's living rooms are big enough for more than 5 babies clambering about.

Soft plays tend to be a better venue, although the coffee isn't as good.

Hickory Dickories has a large baby area (Kings Heath), it isn't the cheapest soft play but is big with plenty of seats.

I am sure between you and your friends you have other places up your sleeve but if you don't PM me, I can give you some other brum venues that might work for meet ups x

expatinscotland · 15/03/2011 22:42

It's a cafe, not a village hall for hire.

YABU.

expatinscotland · 15/03/2011 22:43

I agree, Heroine.

Learning2Knit · 15/03/2011 22:44

Having done a stint in a cafe at a large M&S a few years back I have to say that sometimes a group of mum's, toddlers and babies can be an absolute nightmare. I stress this is not all.

Pushchairs, prams, hypo toddlers and unhappy babies....plus the total mess - throwing cake, sandwiches, sugar, whatever they can get their hands on all over the floor, tables etc etc, being sick - doesnt make it a very relaxing environment for others and is a nightmare for the staff trying to keep the place clean and running.

Love children and worked with them until recently so nothing personal.

zukiecat · 15/03/2011 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 22:52

actually i think yabu!!!

if i was running a cafe i wouldn't want 4 or 5 mums with X number of children AND baby equipment taking up a lot of space in there.

the hotel is well within its rights to hire out its space.

why don't you meet at each others houses instead?

DancingThroughLife · 15/03/2011 22:57

I was mortified last week when I went to meet a friend (with our babies) for coffee and lunch. We'd been there for about half an hour and four other friends turned up with their babies. Between us we took over one half of the cafe and had to rearrange chairs and tables to fit the pushchairs in. [blush Blush It was fine when they were all teeny and slept the whole time, not so much when they're older and vocal.

Don't think we'll be doing it any more.

I can sort of see where the hotel is coming from, if it is their lounge that they have let out space to Starbucks. Let's face it, without the starbucks, you wouldn't go and sit in a hotel lounge with all the babies.

Honeybee79 · 15/03/2011 23:00

Maybe I've misunderstood, but it doesn't sound like you've been banned because you have babies - presumably access will be restricted for ALL members of the public. They're entitled to hire the area out so what's your problem? You don't have some kind of pre-ordained right to be in there.

Think you're getting angry over nothing to be honest.

MosEisley · 15/03/2011 23:02

I have mixed feelings on this.

On the one hand, I have and still do take my small children to coffee shops. Why should I be excluded from this small pleasure just because I have a child with me? If there are only a couple of mums with one to two well behaved children each, I don't see that as being a problem. How else are children supposed to learn how to behave in an adult environment unless they practise? If DS starts to mess around, I tell him to sit still and point out that this is a place where grown ups want to be quiet. I also try to stay for a short time (kids attention starts to wander when they have consumed their drinks / snacks) and clear up the worst of our mess.

On the other hand I have been disgusted by the rudeness of some large groups of mothers in coffee shops - taking over the whole shop, making incredible amounts of mess, ignoring naughty kids, etc. There is a group that regularly takes over a huge section of our local John Lewis cafe for hours at a time. They all look like nice enough people but they are nonetheless intrusive on the cafe generally, with several large prams and endless paraphernalia.

VivaLeBeaver · 15/03/2011 23:03

7 or 8 mums with babies and buggies would nearly half fill our local Starbucks. Whats wrong with finding a nice NCT coffee morning. You know where the babies can have tummy timne on play mats, etc as well.

Honeybee79 · 15/03/2011 23:05

Also, agree with A1980

Maryz · 15/03/2011 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LDNmummy · 15/03/2011 23:06

TBH it doesn't sound like the kind of place that is appropriate to be with a group of 6/ 7 mums and their children. If they have business types frequenting and are associated with the hotel, it doesn't seem like somewhere I would arrange these meet ups in the first place. But then I don't get why some mother baby groups meet up in Starbucks so often anyway, what about more child friendly cafe's and the like?