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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I? Or am I just oversensitive? Or maybe WWYD?

62 replies

Happymm · 15/03/2011 20:07

Story-outside school gate, mother I am friendly with,( ie have passing conversations with, her DD is in my DD's class) is in front, with her younger DD (3yrs) who as usual is having the mother of all tantrums. Does this on a daily basis, screams all way there and back on school run, and is generally a fairly unpleasant child(sorry for my judgey pants). Mother, in front of maybe 50 parents waiting, pulls her pants down and smacks her bottom DD then goes completely ballistic and throws self on floor screaming, which is ignored. Found myself tearful and really upset about the humiliation and smacking. Whilst am not perfect for one moment myself, I have never, and would never smack one of my DC and certainly would never pull pants down in front of loads of people to do so. I really wanted to say something as I found it so disturbing, but chickened out, due to big audience, and continued relations at school. Am crap at confrontation, but what would the MN jury do?

OP posts:

pjmama · 15/03/2011 20:07

I'd be appalled too, but I'd keep my nose out.

BooBooGlass · 15/03/2011 20:09

What would I do? Ask her if she's ok and maybe invite her for coffee tbh. It sounds as if she has a very difficult child and just snapped. I would be judgey too, probably, but I bet the poor woman was at the end of her tether and could use a friendly ear. And no I'm not advocating smacking, it's a terrible thing to do, but I know I've been close to it myself.

Etalb · 15/03/2011 20:09

Yes this is very sad to see but nothing u can do!

Original poster

Happymm · 15/03/2011 20:11

She has also called her a bloody brat and told her to shut the fuck up before now too :(

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 15/03/2011 20:11

drip drip

TheVisitor · 15/03/2011 20:13

She sounds stressed up to the eyeballs. Maybe offering the hand of friendship would be good here. My DD was horrendous at age 3 and I'm not sure how we got through it with me sane.

BettyCash · 15/03/2011 20:14

Dunno if you can do much here. It's horrible, but where do you start?

discombobulatory · 15/03/2011 20:15

What BooBooGlass says.....I do not condone smacking but this sounds like a woman in need of the hand of friendship and support.

Daisydreamer · 15/03/2011 20:15

Nothing you can do?

Really?!?

How must that 3 year old feel that an audience of adults did nothing while she was treated like that?

Cra at confrontation is no excuse, that child deserved someone to bloody step forward

FollowMe · 15/03/2011 20:16

It does sound like she felt all the disapproving eyes on her and just snapped to try and get her DD to stop tantrumming.
Its not a nice way to discipline a child at all, but it must be very very hard to have a diffiult toddler that even passing aquaintances say is an unpleasant child

Daisydreamer · 15/03/2011 20:18

Can't believe I'm the only one who thinks it's bad.

I would have gone over and asked her if she would like me to take her three year old for a little walk to give her the chance to calm down.

I wouldn't stand there and pretend I hadn't seen it.

3 is still a baby.

YellowDinosaur · 15/03/2011 20:18

I have a 3 year old who can be testing but this makes him look like an angel. If I had to put up with a tantruming 3 year old EVERY DAY on the school run like this I may well have lost it too. Not condoning what she did but it can be unbelievably stressful.

I have caught a couple of funny looks a few times when I have lost my temper with the boys. Someone showing a bit of kindness and empathy would have been very welcome. I'm with those who say ask her for a coffee.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 15/03/2011 20:18

Parents slap. Get over it, its not illegal. How about you come back when you have a child like that?

Daisydreamer · 15/03/2011 20:21

Parents slap. Get over it, its not illegal

There's a difference between a tap on the wrist and this. And telling her to STFU.

Maybe that is why the poor child is 'difficult'. If I treated my dc's like that I'm sure they would be to.

FellatioNelson · 15/03/2011 20:22

I can forgive the very occasional light smack in moments of extreme stress, but publicly pulling her pants down to do it is hideous behaviour. Apart from anything else, if you've got time to consciously pull down a child's pants then it is a pre-medititated action, and there is surely enough time to compose yourself and get a fecking grip.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 15/03/2011 20:23

I don't smack, never had. But when you have a very challenging child you understand the lengths you can be driven to. And those if you without have no idea.

What are you going to do about it? Nothing. Except judge and bitch on here.

QueenBathsheba · 15/03/2011 20:24

Parents slap because they lose control of themselves.

What she did was humiliating and cruel.

Pancakeflipper · 15/03/2011 20:24

I don't agree with the smacking at all but I do have a toddler who hates coming with me to collect his older brother from school and throws horrendous tantrums.

All those who only see me at the school playground probably think I have the child from hell/ that I am shit mother or perhaps both. I feel some step away to avoid us. I don't blame them - but I know my friends. They don't see us 5 mins later walking home together munching after school snacks laughing and chatting together.

Don't ignore this mother. The smacking incident is awful but don't avoid her.

comedycentral · 15/03/2011 20:24

Have you thought of going into school and brining it to the teachers attention? I agree that smacking with pants down in public is humiliating.

comedycentral · 15/03/2011 20:24

*bringing it rather

DuelingFanjo · 15/03/2011 20:25

what boobooglass said.

Susiewho · 15/03/2011 20:25

Confronting the mum may have made the daughter even more upset though.

Difficult one.

abbierhodes · 15/03/2011 20:26

I find the "shut the fuck up" far more disturbing than the slap, tbh.

Daisydreamer · 15/03/2011 20:27

Agree with pancakeflipper

The mother may have got home and been utterly despondent about it.

However, why people just had to stand there and look away rather than going over I don't know.

And then people posting, wringing hands and saying yes dreadful, but what can you do?

Something is the answer.

bringonthegoat · 15/03/2011 20:28

When I was c ahild, pulling pants down for a smack was fairly common place. I would be surprised to see it now.

I think the STFU/smacking/shouting sounds like bad parenting as a whole. We're all guilty of bad parenting at times but would hope it's not the norm. Many parents aren't particularly 'adult' in their parenting style, how they expect to raise a balanced child is beyond me.

Bratty kids generally have shitty parents

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