Am I? Or am I just oversensitive? Or maybe WWYD?

[Happymm]

Story-outside school gate, mother I am friendly with,( ie have passing conversations with, her DD is in my DD's class) is in front, with her younger DD (3yrs) who as usual is having the mother of all tantrums. Does this on a daily basis, screams all way there and back on school run, and is generally a fairly unpleasant child(sorry for my judgey pants). Mother, in front of maybe 50 parents waiting, pulls her pants down and smacks her bottom DD then goes completely ballistic and throws self on floor screaming, which is ignored. Found myself tearful and really upset about the humiliation and smacking. Whilst am not perfect for one moment myself, I have never, and would never smack one of my DC and certainly would never pull pants down in front of loads of people to do so. I really wanted to say something as I found it so disturbing, but chickened out, due to big audience, and continued relations at school. Am crap at confrontation, but what would the MN jury do?

You would obviously use your own judgement, but as the op clearly thinks she is a shit parent who verbally abuses and physically humiliates her kids, I would have thought she could reasonably say something at school. Presumably it all affects the child who does attend there. Even if all you say is "Ms SoandSo seemed to be struggling to manage the younger one on the way in and it's not the first time I've noticed her very upset- I don't know if everything is ok at home? I'll leave it with you anyway, I'm sure you know the family better than me".

I don't think I'd fancy trying to make friends with someone who whacks their kids bare arse in public or swears at them, to be honest. But I wouldn't just ignore it.

tbh how you describe the mother it is no surprise that her 3yo is testing her she is probably feeling more than a little anxious about why her mum is acting like she hates her

I haven't advocate making friends with her. Just talking to relevant authorities/school if she needs. Just not plaster the poor child & woman's life all over the internet in the guise of being 'concerned'. You don't gossip about it.

My friend was concerned about a toddler that came to collect her brother. Always seems to have some limb broken, scruffy, violent. Did she gossip? No, she spoke to the school.

But whatever, OP. If it makes you feel like you are doing something, gossip away!

good to know all difficult children are only so because of their parents being shit. Send all the professionals home, clear out the books, the assesments, the parents who have tried everything..some internet random armchair guru has worked it out!

We're just shit parents! Well done you. How about you trail around the topics sharing that will all the people struggling with their children? There's quite a lot of them though, you might want to get started. I'm sure they'll be very grateful.

I would be horrified. I do smack at the last resort, but not a 3 year old and not pulling pants down infront of everyone. That is humiliating for the girl.

differentname, agree entirely that siblings can be totally different from each other - DS1 was a tantrummy child, he is now a tantrummy (almost) teenager, DS2 the total opposite - DS1 would as a 3 year old try and fight you (literally) if you said no to anything, DS2 at the same age would just get upset and have a quiet sniffle over it. Exactly the same parenting - DS1 if anything got more of my time as the eldest - yet v behaviour.

I agree with the posts who suggest offering the hand of friendship. Under no circumstances would I go down the route of mentioning it to the school etc.

But then I'm a parent who does swear and has smacked, so quite possibly I'm not even entitled to an opinion.....

I have a daughter who is a miserable brattish tantrumer. But only on the school run. When they are little angels the rest of the time it can be even more frustrating when they push the boundaries so much consistently in front of the same group of people every day. Help the mum and you will have helped the child.

v different behaviour

DD3 tantrumed CONSTANTLY until she turned 4 (still does sometimes) and there was NO reasoning with her. Nothing worked except leaving her to finish the tantrum and I've had judgey parents commenting on it. Pulling the child's pants down and smacking in this manner is unacceptable!

I wish I'd had you non-judgey mums around over the last few years cos I could have done with a bit of moral support, someone to invite me for a coffee and help to calm me down. If you ever see me (I'll be the one standing next to a screaming, writhing child who is sprawled on the floor) please rescue me. I might appear to be calm but I'll be screaming inside!

she needs help to parent in a better way - slip a book called 'playful parenting' by cohen through her door when shes out. Great book and also life changing for little ones

Sorry to be negative again, but if I found a book about parenting on my doormat I'd go into paranoia over-drive! If I had a tantrummy (new word??) child and had smacked her in front of people, this gesture would make me feel worse - heavily criticised, not supported.

Much better to be direct and chat to the mum, I think. No need to be confrontational. Just show some empathy.

Agree re the book!