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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that fussy eating/dietary choices become a bit excessive and maybe even rude when.......

62 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 15/03/2011 13:04

...... it means that other people at the table must also obey them?

Ex-H was incredibly fussy, and obviously at home I had to serve meals that would suit us both (got used to it after a while, even though it meant no pasta/cheese/sauces etc etc). Not too much of a problem when we were together and it was only the two of us.

But, his food preferences would also extend out of the house, I wasn't allowed to order things in restaurants/cafes that he disliked (or hadn't had) as it 'would put him off if he knew it was there'. If I ever did he would fuss endlessly throughout the meal - made it a very uncomfortable experience.

We have a DD but have lived apart since she was 4m old. I weaned her onto things I eat (not to spite him I promise!) and she eats a varied diet and loves cheese, pasta, sauces, mayo (strangely!). She is also little and its important that she eats a well balanced meal or she doesn't gain weight.

Problem is arising because now when ex visits he will take DD for lunch, they came back the other day and he said that she hadn't eaten lunch - I asked what she'd had, it was plain bread with ham no spread (same as ex-h). I asked whether there was anything else she could have had, he just said 'no nothing suitable or that I could put up with'.

So, does a fussy eater become excessive when they also insist that other diners on their table only eat what they would eat?

On a similar note, I have a vegan friend (nothing against vegans!) who was coming to a group dinner party, I asked them what they like so I could prepare them a vegan dish and they said that they expected the whole party meal to be vegan as it was only fair that he could have everything on the table and not 'be discriminated against'.......

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 15/03/2011 13:06

I wouldn't cater to your ex or your friend. They are both over the top extreme and, in your ex's case, doing harm to your daughter if she won't even eat what he's willing to give her.

FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 13:07

I think you should send your daugther with a packed lunch when she goes with her Pops, he cannot force his dietary fetishes onto a child that is just mean.

With regards the vegan friend I would have uninvited them.

Original poster

LifeIsButtercream · 15/03/2011 13:09

I felt sad - my DD usually is really good and eats ANYTHING but she is used to 'weird' things on her sandwiches - she is nearly 2 and has mayo/salad/salad cream/Branston etc etc etc on her sandwiches - never has had plain ones and loves big flavours! Little weirdo bless her!

OP posts:

FreudianSlippery · 15/03/2011 13:09

Both people are being ridiculous. It does sound like your ex may have a food phobia though? That is way beyond normal fussiness if it'd genuinely make him uncomfortable.

Cannot believe people would expect you to make an entire vegan feast just for them, how ridiculous.

squeakytoy · 15/03/2011 13:09

I would tell your ex that daughter doesnt need to go out for lunch with him and you will feed her before he picks her up. I would also tell him to get some sort of professional help for his eating disorder and unreasonable behaviour.

I would tell the vegan "friend" to fuck off and never invite them again. How rude!

worraliberty · 15/03/2011 13:10

I think your ex and your vegan friend are off their trollies

WriterofDreams · 15/03/2011 13:10

Wow Buttercream you must be very tolerant to have put up with that behaviour from your ex. His attitude is very extreme - why should he control what everyone else eats? It's a very odd point of view - is he a strange sort of person?

And that vegan friend needs a good slap.

FWIW DH used to be a very picky eater but over the years he has actually trained himself to eat more so that we can have meals together (at one stage we were having separate dinners) bless him.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 15/03/2011 13:10

its not about food its about control. People who are fussy about what they eat don't make other people eat like them, controlling twats do.

The vegan would be told to bite me.

EricNorthmansMistress · 15/03/2011 13:11

Your ex sounds like he has a food phobia or eating disorder if he's preventing his child from eating properly. Your vegan friend is a wanker.

FoiledAgain · 15/03/2011 13:12

What Winter said.

Original poster

LifeIsButtercream · 15/03/2011 13:12

Hehe Winter - they'd never bite me as I contain animal products

OP posts:

vj32 · 15/03/2011 13:13

I am a strict vegetarian - husband is not. Baby is going to be a meat eater because I think it is personal choice. The only thing is that I wouldn't have a leather sofa or leather car interior, and can only cook limited meats, because of the smell!

I think its really important not to impose what I think on others. The only exception to that I think is if someone is genuinely and seriously allergic - they might not have nuts or whatever at the table incase of contamination. But in my opinion that is medical rather than fussiness anyway!

compo · 15/03/2011 13:14

I'd tell your friend to eff off - when you go round his don't forget to demand a meat dish

and your ex sounds like a control freak/nutter

DaftApeth · 15/03/2011 13:15

Was your ex controlling in other ways too ?

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 15/03/2011 13:15

Exactly Buttercream! Bite me, oh what a shame you can't, piss off instead then you fruitcake!

TobyLerone · 15/03/2011 13:16

What squeaky said. I wouldn't allow the ex to feed my daughter, if I were the OP. This sort of behaviour can easily spark food issues/eating disorders in children.

As for the vegan, I'd tell her to go whistle. She chose to be vegan, you're perfectly willing to go to the trouble of cooking her something special, and if that's not good enough for her then tough. I honestly don't know anyone that rude.

Sarsaparilllla · 15/03/2011 13:17

Both your ex and your friend sound bonkers, don't let him push his weird food ideas on your daughter, it's madness to push other people to eat only food you like/want!

My strict veggie friend came for lunch on Sat, my bf & her husband ate steak, nobody batted an eyelid, because she's not insane and if she was she wouldn't be invited for lunch

cheesesarnie · 15/03/2011 13:17

i say your ex sounds like he has a eating disorder.im fussy and yes i might hate to see people eat certain things but id never tell them not too in front of me!i know some of my food habits are ott but thats my problem,no one elses!

were all vegetarian but would never dream of telling people not to eat meat around us!if anything i offer to take a veggie dish to wherever weve been invited.

FoiledAgain · 15/03/2011 13:18

Out of interest what did you do about the vegan? Has it happened yet?

squeakytoy · 15/03/2011 13:19

Is the vegan friend single? send them both on a date together. Should be an interesting meal!

HipHopopotomus · 15/03/2011 13:20

YANBU

Your ex sounds like a control freak bastard - seriously!! I feel for your DD having to eat with him - guess there isn't alot you can do about it especially as she is so young.

Whereas your vegan 'friend' just sounds like he is off his trolley and is possibly in a 'militant' phase (which hopefully he will soon grow out of). Ignore him & serve what you want (or uninvite him - "oh I'm not actually planning a vegan dinner party - let's take a rain check and make a date for another time at a vegan restaurant of your choice").

Miggsie · 15/03/2011 13:21

Tell your ex to go to cognitive behaviour therapy right now as he clearly has a problem. Your daughter needs to know he isn't normal in his eating preferences before she gets a complex. Tell your ex he can't take her out for meals if he is going to restrict her diet so ludicrously.

Original poster

LifeIsButtercream · 15/03/2011 13:23

Was my ex controlling? In a word yes! One of the reasons why he is my ex. I suggested that next time I will send her with a lunch or a list of her faves so he can pick a meal that suits her, not him. So he said he would feed her prawns - which I am allergic to - so I would know what its like.I bit his head off for that as for all I know DD is allergic to them too!

There arent any food allergies involved in ex's food choices, and he says he does not have MH issues about food, its just 'normal' to eat plain food and people who don't are weird.

Dinner hasn't happened yet, is on hold pending availability of people.

OP posts:

sherbetpips · 15/03/2011 13:24

re the vegan you can simply say that to cook a whole meal vegan is somewhat more trouble than just selecting there meal and whilst you understand their needs it would not be suitable for this occasion - they can then decide if they want to snub you on that basis.
Re the ex whilst his behaviour is extreme he is dad so maybe the odd weird lunch wont harm anybody. Could you discuss a packed lunch that he would find acceptable and that your DD can put up with?

squeakytoy · 15/03/2011 13:24

Did his mother pander to this weird behaviour?

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