In thinking that fussy eating/dietary choices become a bit excessive and maybe even rude when.......

[LifeIsButtercream]

...... it means that other people at the table must also obey them?

Ex-H was incredibly fussy, and obviously at home I had to serve meals that would suit us both (got used to it after a while, even though it meant no pasta/cheese/sauces etc etc). Not too much of a problem when we were together and it was only the two of us.

But, his food preferences would also extend out of the house, I wasn't allowed to order things in restaurants/cafes that he disliked (or hadn't had) as it 'would put him off if he knew it was there'. If I ever did he would fuss endlessly throughout the meal - made it a very uncomfortable experience.

We have a DD but have lived apart since she was 4m old. I weaned her onto things I eat (not to spite him I promise!) and she eats a varied diet and loves cheese, pasta, sauces, mayo (strangely!). She is also little and its important that she eats a well balanced meal or she doesn't gain weight.

Problem is arising because now when ex visits he will take DD for lunch, they came back the other day and he said that she hadn't eaten lunch - I asked what she'd had, it was plain bread with ham no spread (same as ex-h). I asked whether there was anything else she could have had, he just said 'no nothing suitable or that I could put up with'.

So, does a fussy eater become excessive when they also insist that other diners on their table only eat what they would eat?

On a similar note, I have a vegan friend (nothing against vegans!) who was coming to a group dinner party, I asked them what they like so I could prepare them a vegan dish and they said that they expected the whole party meal to be vegan as it was only fair that he could have everything on the table and not 'be discriminated against'.......

YANBU - I agree with the posters about your exH having an eating disorder, whether he agrees with it or not! I hate it when people say that there's nothing wrong with them and refuse to get themselves checked out when there clearly is and issue (DH and recurring football injury for example ).

Your friend is a rude, selfish moo with a huge sense of entitlement who would not continue to be a friend if I were in your shoes. Idiot (him, not you!). I would also have no problem with telling him that...

OOh, my hobby horse. Tell yur Ex to go swing. He feeds her properly or not at all. Tell your vegan friend to go swing! Bloody cheek. People who make dietary choices and then try and inflict them on others make me spit feathers! My poor DD is coeliac, and is never catered for. Even family members cant manage it! When I see veggies or vegans making a fuss I get very angry!

agree with exexpat Bogey...

Meat eaters dont only eat meat.... there are loads of deliciouse foods and balances meals that they can eat that are meat free.

some people dont want meat in their house... there home, up to them... nothing wrong with a pizza / garlic bread / salad
tomatoe pasta dish
macaronie cheese
risotto
etc etc

a Vegetarian isnt saying when they come to dinner "make me cheese and tomatoe pasta bake" they are saying "please can i have a meal without meat"

therefor you cant retaliate withn "cook me a steak", but may perhaps say "I really hate olives, could we have a meal without olives"

freaks, both of them.

I would tell your ex that unless he feeds his child normally then you will reconsider his contact arrangements.

And I would serve the vegan a non vegan dish and not tell her till after the event .

When DH said "I want steak" it was a joke kind of...the vegan in question isnt that far removed from the one in the OP, in that he demanded no meat at all be served incase it contaminated his meal. It was an insult to me by suggesting I dont understand how to cook a vegan meal by using seperate utensils etc. He is a bit of an arsehole (well alot of an arsehole actually) in other ways and the row that happened had been brewing for ages! I suspect the end of the friendship was no loss on either side.

My q about meat at a vege house was tongue in cheek, I do get the concept!

Even if your ex has a genuine phobia it is still his problem which he should not be inflicting on your DD. His attitude seems to be that everyone should pander to him over it while he makes no effort at all, and that's not right.

I have an extreme phobia about one common garden animal, but I have always hidden it from all the children in the family, at least when they are small, so they don't follow suit. I really wouldn't want them to suffer it and the restrictions that go with it. While I do expect a certain amount of consideration, ultimately my phobia is my problem.

i would tell the vegan you would prepare him a separate meal and that you are serving xyz to every one else and please would he let you know if he is still coming... then it is his decision.

ex, I wouldn't let dd go for meals with ex as he can't look after her properly. of course if he can come up with a balancedish meal then maybe..

OP - I do agree with you apart from possibly the prawns - I don't know a lot about it, do these allergies tend to run in families, to the point where you'd have your children completely avoid them?

Bogeyface I did used to point out that when his diet was that restricted (and I honestly haven't missed anything out) and haribo form such a big part of his diet he can hardly claim to be vegetarian. My sister eats vegetarian haribo - although she's says they're nasty - but my ex ate the normal ones.

The stories I could tell about him! He's currently amusing me on Facebook trying to compete with me through a mutual friends status updates. Every time I say something about my life he tries to better it, but totally missing.

Tell your friend that if you serve a completely vegan meal this will discriminate against meat eaters and thus harm their self esteeem.

I suggest your friend eats in a different room of a different house.

As to your ex...well, totally barking by the sound of it.

I'd probably cook an entirely vegetarian meal with eggs, dairy or honey in every dish and then when he complains say "Oh sorry, I thought vegetarians were the ones that only ate plant based stuff". If you wanted to be a bit more subtle about it you could just do the one vegan dish for him but conveniently forget that vegans don't eat honey.