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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ex husband wants me out

77 replies

dyedye · 14/03/2011 23:42

If i dont want to sell my home but my ex does how long will the legal process take before im evicted ?

OP posts:
Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:45

no assets - two properties in serious neg equity -jus the family home will be mortgage free in 2012

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 15/03/2011 00:47

you both need to get this sorted, i bet this house is no fun living in at the moment

QBEE · 15/03/2011 00:48

just a suggestion but why not sell the family home and take one of the neg equity homes each and use the funds from the family sale to finance this?

i am sure it must be difficult living with an alcoholicex who wants you out. wishing you all the best.

FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:48

Dyedye, please see a solicitor so you are in a stronger position to fight it if that is what you want to do. Be as honest as possible with the solicitor say you don't want it sold yet.

As he is still there your position is stronger, more so as no divorce has been finalised.

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:48

The fact that he is still living at home, is obviously a difficulty...

Again, talk to the solicitor but don't tell your husband you have. Then perhaps invite him to mediation to see if you can get to an agreement?

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:49

no its actually fine its no different than the last 25 yrs

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 15/03/2011 00:50

get the home valuated and dig your heel in at the highest valuation and refuse to sell under that value

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:52

we have an app for mediation in July ( theres a waiting list) so i dont want 2 do anything til then but he has valuers coming 2moro but i dont want 2 let them in

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:52

As he is still there, and no divorce as yet, there is no huge rush. I took it that he wasn't in the home and the divorce was in the process of being gained.

Sorry I just assumed you were split and it was ongoing.

FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:53

Don't let them in he cannot force you to sell at the moment.

Tell him you will not sell until the divorce is finalised and stick to your guns.

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:55

2 properties? go to the solicitor, having 2 properties means that he can keep the other one and a smaller part of this one. Or that you can keep the other one and some extra money to reduce the mortgage on it.

You are not in such a bad position but you need to get advice. I understand how attached you may feel towards your home but keep in mind that once that you are going solo, the first thing is to ensure that you remain calm, strong and as unhurt as possible to give your new life a good start, which in turn may mean letting go of the house.

By the way, when you talk to a solicitor get also all information you have about debts (yours and his). Debts incurred by individuals during the marriage are, mostly, responsibility of both parts.

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:57

Let the valuers in, you also need that valuation, and having a valuation doesn't mean the house will go automatically and immediatly on sale.

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:57

He is bringing them here and il b gone 2 work but im going to lock my bedroom door and my daughters - is this out of order? I and her dont want a strange man in my bedroom without my permissio

OP posts:
QBEE · 15/03/2011 01:14

i would just go ahead with the valuation but if you feel better locking your doors do so.
the excuse is feeble because i doubt the valuer is going to rolling around on your bed sniffing your small but you never know Grin

i would just state that you are happy for the valuation to go ahead when you are present and to arrange it for a mutually convenient time.

you have three properties between you, can he not move into one of them, or you whilst this is all sorted, if you are so affected?

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 01:21

Nnt an option as there are tenants in them but they are both in neg equity ( one of the properties is owned by him and his nephew - my name is not on it ) can i force the sale of that hse and make him take the loss ?

OP posts:
Morloth · 15/03/2011 01:25

You need a LAWYER and you need one NOW.

Getting the house valued is probably a good idea if the split is inevitable. You will both need to know what all your assets are worth so that they can be divvied up.

MN is not an alternative to legal advice, you need a LAWYER.

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 01:26

I doubt it, it is very complicated, talk to a solicitor.

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 01:28

ok sorry there i got carried away asking 4 advice - i will go see a solicitor - thanks all

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 15/03/2011 07:27

If you start taking responsibility for the situation you find yourself in, you could get legal representation and either legally, or via mediation, try and get your husband to wait "a year". One way to show good intention would be to get your mortgage in place.

I think you're being quite ridiculous about "last christmas" though - I hesitate to even call them "children".

If you do not get yourself legal representation you'll not be represented in court - especially as you say you'll not go yourself, and the courts will have no option but to award in your husband's favour.

If you are currently not paying the mortgage yourself, your husband has a very easy way to force you out. He stops paying, "you" get reposessed.

You've found yourself at a new stage in your life, independent - and I don't know how old you were when you got married - but unfortunately that security is gone now and you need to start looking after yourself and not acting like a petulant teen.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/03/2011 07:44

You don't have to let a valuer in. You don't have to do anything, you can easily put this off for a year. Even when your dh gets an order to sell ( and that could take months ) it then has to actually be marketed and sold.

Just because he has decided to end your relationship doesn't mean you have to jump because you're being told to immediately.

Don't agree for if go be valued and if he forges your signature for estate agents just call them up and say the house if half yours and you don't agree to it being marketed.

All of the above my solicitor told me, unfortunately I didn't listen and was bulllied out very quickly and to my financial detriment.

That's probably why people are urging you to move, it is horrible living in this kind of
conflict.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/03/2011 07:47

You can't force him to sell a house you have no interest in. In fact your solicitor will want to argue that it was entirely his decision to purchase that house, so that the negative equity won't be deducted from marital assets.

Lucyinthepie · 15/03/2011 07:57

Go get some legal advice. You are burying your head in the sand at the moment sadly, so need to deal with reality.

curlymama · 15/03/2011 08:19

You do need legal advice, and I just feel I have to comment on what you said earlier about possibly buying with your children. Please please don't do that. A friend of mine did that with her Mum about 7 years ago, she was 22. Her Mum didn't pressure her to do it, but she felt the pressure anyway, and her Mum definately didn't discourage her. She is now in a situation where she wants to buy a property with her DP, and they can't buy what they really want and think about starting a family because of the financial commitment she has to her Mum. It's causing resentment, and she wishes her Mum had never let her do it. Children of the age that yours are need to be encouraged to be independant, not commit themselves financialy to a parent.

Niceguy2 · 15/03/2011 08:44

Whilst I have some sympathy with regards to the split, I have to say that all you are doing is delaying the inevitable.

Isn't it easier to accept the fact you must sell up, get it on the market now and find a good price. Rather than go through the stress of legal action just to delay things for a year or so. With the current market, it may well take a year or more to sell it anyway!

Sounds to me there is quite a bit of bitterness driving your decision which whilst is understandable, isn't going to do you any favours at all.

RitaLynn · 15/03/2011 09:48

I'm just going off-piste here, but regarding the 21 and 23 year old wanting another christmas in the house - well that's 9 months away.