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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ex husband wants me out

77 replies

dyedye · 14/03/2011 23:42

If i dont want to sell my home but my ex does how long will the legal process take before im evicted ?

OP posts:
SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 00:25

erm, if he sees a solicitor to force a sale it could be done and dusted within a month. my cousin has just had to do this with his EX.

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:25

if he gets a court order to sell within 7 days does that mean that bailiffs will come and force us out

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:26

When the children Maelstrom are over 20 as in this case it is fairly cut and dried. Plus as Slainte said done and dusted in a month. Maybe my 7 days was optimistic!

QBEE · 15/03/2011 00:26

if i were in your position, with the possibility of all the equity that is available in the house if you only need a year to clear it, then i would move on to be honest.

FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:27

dyedye no bailiffs, he can get a court order to force you to sell, once the house is sold you will have to move out. Any costs associated with getting you out will be borne by you and will no doubt come out of your half of the house.

Why are you trying to make this so difficult? Why can't you just move on and find yourself a new home?

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 00:27

why would you even let it get to the baliff stage?? are you mad? why cause so much drama? if he gets an order to force teh sale tehn just go gracefully because you knwo you will be going in teh end anyway, why cling onto it out of stubborness?

Monty27 · 15/03/2011 00:28

The costs would be taken from the equity surely? (I'm just surmising) he's not going to agree to pay for something that you are costing him? (Judge might agree with him).

I can see why you don't want to be bullied into moving 'now' but on the other hand, use it to your advantage to move on? He might even be reasonable about splitting stuff if you co-operate with the sale.

I spent a fortune organising the toss years ago. It's not worth it.

AuntiePickleBottom · 15/03/2011 00:28

sorry to say this but your children are 21 and 23
they are adults who can run a home.

Monty27 · 15/03/2011 00:29

organising????

arguing

soz Blush

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 00:30

at 21 and 23 your children are plenty old enough to separate logic and sentiment. tehy may want to have another xmas in the house but they are not 7 and 9, they are more than able to deduce that teh logical action is to sell and move on.

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:30

because through no fault of mine or my children we are losing our home and we are not ready to move on yet it is still too raw we need a few months at least to come to terms with this

OP posts:
Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:32

No, it will mean that the house will be put on sale and you may remain in it until it is sold.

I wouldn't be too scared about the 7 day thing. Just getting an appointment to have your case heard in court could take several months, and the judge could only offer suggestions but won't give any ruling until more info is presented. But I insist, going this route is NOT free, it will be very expensive both emotionally and financially.

There are some things that may count in your favour, unfortunately having adult children will not, but there are still other things to be considered like length of marriage, your age, differences in income, etc. BUT you need to see a solicitor to find where you stand (the first half an hour is usually free).

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 00:32

sorry but your children are adults. as hard as it may be you all must act like adults and accept that some things in life aren't pleasant. this is one of them.

FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:32

If he has only just left it's a bit soon before any divorce has gone through for him to expect you to move.

But I would urge you please to see a solicitor.

I understand that if he has only just left it's all a bit raw and he is being too quick off the mark.

Generally you would not put the house on the market until the divorce is almost finalised, you have that much time at least and a divorce takes time.

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:36

And please, cut the poor woman some slack, dealing with the shock of the divorce and possible loosing her home home is not exactly for the faint hearted. It is a very emotional time.

Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:36

thanks Maelstrom - im taking it that ive got at least a few months so

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 15/03/2011 00:38

her ex husband has lost his home too, and he also need to move on with his life.

why can she not just buy him out

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:39

Because she can't at the moment.

AuntiePickleBottom · 15/03/2011 00:41

so maybe her ex can't afford to rent and also morgage at the same time.

Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:43

Do you other assets? have pensions? if his pension is considerably larger than yours, he may need to give you a higher percentage of the house, which may allow you to buy him out.

But again, talk to a solicitor, but when you do go prepared with a very good aproximation of the official figures:
-How much is the house worth
-How much is your pension (and his) and any other assets worth
-How much he and you earn

  • etc etc.
Original poster
dyedye · 15/03/2011 00:43

We are both living here - separate bedrooms and separate living rooms and hes never here (alcoholic - goes stright from work to pub) I wont know if my job is secure enough until next sept so cant decide on buying him out til then

OP posts:
Maelstrom · 15/03/2011 00:43

... and offer to pay the mortgage on your own. That is fair, he needs to pay rent now.

mayorquimby · 15/03/2011 00:45

what would you do if during your stalling he were to move back in?
TBH I think you'd be better off getting it done quickly without drawing things out and incurring huge legal fees. However if you were to stall he could equally employ tactics of his own to speed things up such as suggesting he move back in or perhaps simply allowing himself in from time to time.
Surely the best bet is a quick clean break.

FabbyChic · 15/03/2011 00:45

Tell him that you are not ready to sell until the divorce is finalised.

That will take at least three months. Tell him you won't agree to a divorce I think then he has to wait so will give you more time.

If you want delay tactics you have them in so far as you don't agree to the house being sold until the divorce is finalised.

mayorquimby · 15/03/2011 00:45

x-post, see he's already there.
Jesus don't know how anyone could live with that situation, you have my sympathies