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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my DP to wait until we are all at the table before he starts eating?

66 replies

Wyke129 · 14/03/2011 14:31

This comes up again and again for us. My DP picks up his fork before I place ihis plate in front of him. He thinks I am being controling in asking him to wait until we are all seated to start eating. What views do people have on this?

OP posts:

lemmein · 14/03/2011 14:33

Wouldn't bother me at all. Normally in my house everyone has got half way through their meals before I even sit down - I don't care.

nocake · 14/03/2011 14:33

It's generally considered to be polite to wait until everyone has been served. It's also setting a good example to children.

Does he do the same when you're eating elsewhere?

squeakytoy · 14/03/2011 14:34

well unless he is eating thin air, if his plate isnt in front of him, he can wave his fork about all he likes cant he?

put his plate down last... or stop being so controlling...

FabbyChic · 14/03/2011 14:34

Wouldnt bother me at all, geneally I dish up the childrens first and they are always eating before I sit down, why should they wait?

Reality · 14/03/2011 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 14/03/2011 14:35

it is good manners to wait but i don't have a partner and my dcs start as soon as the plate goes down. ds2 is too young to understand.

slightlymad72 · 14/03/2011 14:36

We all wait until everyone is seated before we start eating, that way we can enjoy the meal together and spend time with each other and its polite.

bringonthegoat · 14/03/2011 14:36

My view is that you cannot tell another adult what to do and by trying to make him do what you want is a bit controlling. Having said that I think he's being a bit selfish. It would show manners and consideration for you to wait. I would expect my P to listen to my POV and come to a compromise together if it really bugged me. Bit of a non-issue for me though.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 14/03/2011 14:37

I honestly dont care when people start eating.

However, whenever we go out for meals or round some one elses house for dinner I always wait until everyone has their meal in front of them before I start eating....my mum must have instilled it into me although I cant remember...and now it is just habit.......I simply cant start eating before everyone is served, wierdo that I am!

My friends think it is very strange but they are used to me now

Original poster

Wyke129 · 14/03/2011 14:42

When we are in a restaurant we tend to wait and start together- although I suspect he doesn't really want to. At other people's houses he tucks right in. My friends have commented to me before, it's really conspicuous that he seems in a hurry to get started.

Thanks for all your comments. I know i can be controlling, it's something I have to keep my eye on.

OP posts:

everythingchangeseverything · 14/03/2011 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazarusb · 14/03/2011 14:45

I think it's rude. It's certainly the rule in our house. My MIL refers to it as 'standing on ceremony' but then she thinks I'm up myself anyway.

I'm not, btw, just not as common as her

deaconblue · 14/03/2011 14:46

Now you see we have this the other way round. I call "dh dinner is in fifteen minutes" "dh dinner is in 5 minutes", "dh dinner is NOW!!". He then fannies around while the rest of us wait with our food in front of us. I've started telling the children they can begin.

controlpantsandgladrags · 14/03/2011 14:48

It would bother me. I want my DC to learn their table manners now and then when they are your DH's age they can choose not to if they wish They won't learn unless we lead by example.

I have a whole other issue with DH eating with his knife and fork in the wrong hands to contend with too

VajazzHands · 14/03/2011 14:50

No, it's polite. And it sounds like he's controlling if he expects you to plate up and dish up and can't even be bothered to show you any courtesy! Let him serve if he doesn't want to follow your rules!

CoffeeDodger · 14/03/2011 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harassedinherpants · 14/03/2011 14:54

I know I'm picky about table manners, so that would drive me nuts!!

Some of my current beefs are:

Dh leaving the table before we've all finished. Dd (4) thinks she can do the same now. She can't .

Dh is a noisy eater .

Dsd eating with her knife and fork in the wrong hands. She's 12 and can't cut her food, just tears at it.

flooziesusie · 14/03/2011 14:54

well all eat together; but we also serve dinner at the table most of the time...

Saffra · 14/03/2011 15:31

This is an interesting thread - quite surprised that most people don't wait to start together (where everyones meals are being served at the same time).

I think it's courteous and good table manners to wait. I mean, particularly if you cooked the meal and are serving it! It would seriously annoy me!

Callisto · 14/03/2011 15:37

This would really annoy me. It is basic manners and courtesy to wait while everyone is served. I don't think you're being at all controlling to expect him to wait for a couple of minutes and I think he is being rude and childish to refuse to. I would be mortified if my DH was like this in company. It's no wonder your friends comment on it.

notyummy · 14/03/2011 15:45

Good manners to wait - and a good example to your DC. Unless someone is really faffing in the kitchen then generally it is only a couple of minutes at best. All part of starting and enjoying a meal together whilst chatting and being together as a family....and a useful primer for DCs so they aren't embarrassed when they go to others houses or out to eat with a group when they are older.

birdofthenorth · 14/03/2011 15:46

Don't let it bother you! Many a partner guilty of rather more serious ills!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 14/03/2011 15:47

Hmm, how terribly lower-middle class (according to Jilly Cooper, anyway) - really posh people start eating as soon as they get their food because if you are used to eating in great baronial halls if you had to wait for everyone else to be served your roast boar would be stone cold....

FetchezLaVache · 14/03/2011 15:49

I fall into the "think it's really rude" camp. MIL always just tucks right in as soon as she's served (and she IS always served first when she's a guest in our house) and it just gets my goat- I've just been slaving over a hot oven and she can't even be arsed to wait for me to sit down before starting! It's just common courtesy. Can't believe so many people don't mind!

Callisto · 14/03/2011 15:50

Really? All of the very posh people I know wait until everyone at the table has been served.

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