to ask my DP to wait until we are all at the table before he starts eating?

[Wyke129]

This comes up again and again for us. My DP picks up his fork before I place ihis plate in front of him. He thinks I am being controling in asking him to wait until we are all seated to start eating. What views do people have on this?

upahill
"MardyBra I think you are just putting fuel on the fire there tbh. It's not always necessary to have two pwople serving. We both cook but who ever does the cooking does the serving as well and the others will do the washing and tidying later."

I wasn't being deliberately provocative (for once!). If I've cooked, DH will usually be pottering around doing things like getting drinks, salt and pepper or condiments, or carrying stuff through as I serve it out. Likewise if he's cooked, I would help him serve out rather than waiting there for the plate to be put in front of me. Maybe that's just our style.

MardyBra, I can't be doing with people under my feet when I'm trying to get organized and Dh says I cause more problems than a mad puppy!!

Whatever works!!!

He should wait - so rude not to. You're not controlling (well, you may be, but expecting people to wait isn't controlling imo). Serve him last or, better still, he can serve then he'll definitely be last to start.

He should wait; I also think it's rude not to. In my house everyone has to wait until we are all ready to eat. The DC then have to ask if they may start. It's only right.

What drives me potty is if I cook (usually Sunday dinner, don't know why) and then people don't come to the table. It makes me wonder why I bother.

Pfft, I think because dh lived alone for a long time he got used to doing things to his own time scale. One time I was really though. His Mum was staying with us, and I made lunch for us all (just cold stuff) and put it all on the table ready. His Mum, and ds and I all came to the table and I called dh who was up in his study. He replied, so I knew he had heard us. After a few minutes waiting, we started eating. About 10 minutes later dh came downstairs. He picked up his plate of food andtook it back upstairs with him! I suppose he thought that I had enough company with his Mum and ds. I dod get on well with his Mum fortunately, but even so! She wasn't too impressed either.

do you still have to wait if dinner is served on a tray in front of the telly ?

God you're not being controlling! It's basic manners! Just don't put his plate down until you sit down with yours too

It irritates me hugely when anyone starts eating before everyone is ready. What has happened to basic manners?
Your OH is setting a really bad example to the children.

Both modes of eating happen in my house. At informal meals like breakfast on a Saturday when each person is going to leave the house at a different time in a different direction no one waits for anyone. At proper meals when someone has made an effort (most evening meals for example) then I find that naturally we wait for each other because we want to eat together. I do not think it's controlling to expect basic manners in front of you and the kids, it's about respect for you and leading the kids by example.

PaWithABra I would say no, it doesn't count.

It's food, eat it.

Why the need to get angry if someone starts eating when you put the food in front of them.

I wouldn't put meal down in front of my hungry child and expect him to just stare at it whilst waiting for someone.

Ok, yes it is nice if everyone starts eating at the same time but nothing to get worked up about if someone doesn't.

In fact I do normally put our plates down at the same time or even mine first. DP seems in such a hurry he often starts in the time it takes me to sit down! We often serve at the table in which case he starts as soon as he has served himself.

It is only fair to mention that DP often cooks (and is amazing) so I am not some sort of slave waiting on him- just in cast this impression has been created...

We talked about this the other night and he has agreed to do it my way but claims he doesn't understand my "rules" . He asked Whether he is allowed to sip his wine for example. He thinks I'm being controlling so I suspect this will rear its head again.

Thanks for all of your replies.

NORMAN! That's awful!

We've always been told to eat as soon as the food arrives so it doesn't get cold. It also means people aren't always trying to get condiments at the same time. Big family though so the food would be seriously cold if everyone waited and that's with help for serving.

In a restaurant we'd wait because the food all comes at once. If someone's order is wrong and needs to go back, everyone else starts so they have their food when it's hot.

If I'm at someone else's house, I wait unless told otherwise but feel uncomfortable not because of greed (well partly) but because I feel a bit rude according to what I've been taught.

Terribly bad manners, it really is. And very disrespectful. I'll never understand how any adult can truly believe that starting before everyone is seated is polite or acceptable. It simply isn't, unless in the restaurant-meal-having-to-go-back scenarios mentioned earlier. There is limited leeway for children in my house of course, but I make a great effort to get served up as quickly as possible so that nobody has to wait more than a minute or so. Even my two year old can manage that...

And on the other side, it is beyond rude to make other people wait execessively by your deliberate absence from the table, too a la Norman's husband.

It is bad manners for someone to start before everyone else. All should eat together. And no-one leaves until all have finished.

If you have been brought up this way then it is natural. Your DP may think that it's weird but it's not all about him, is it - what example does he think he is setting his DC? Is he really that hungry that he cannot wait a few seconds? Again what is he teaching the DC - that food is to be woolfed, or food is to be savoured?

Unless you are really slow and faffy, he IBU.