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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask politely that a visiting child not to have sugar on his cereal?

360 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/03/2011 10:34

Occasionally I'll have one of DD2's classmates before school, as it helps with his parents' working situation.

I have 4 DCs who obviously will have to be cautious over their eating habits for life. Genes. Sad

Therefore we have only cereals that are not excessively sugary for breakfast.

This child moans about what is on offer at my house. So he then asks for augar to be added to weetabix, which I would rather not, but if DS is not in the room he can have some discreetly, as the girls understand my rationale, but DS is only 4 and I would rather not have this eating style visible to him.

So, AIBU to request politely that he doesn't add sugar when ChaoticBoy is around?

OP posts:
Habbibu · 16/03/2011 00:11

Yes, Chaos. World's Strictest Parents will be calling tomorrow. Might be a very short episode.

startail · 16/03/2011 00:29

Valpollicella, You never took my Brownies to a Panto, (sweets for many of them were a very special treat - I don't know why - just that peer group of parents)

But I swear they didn't pay any attention to the first half of the show, they were just waiting to get in the queue and spend their 50p without Mummy watching what they choose.

Personally I'm a great believer in moderation in all things (except smoking, drugs and getting/remaining pregnant until you can support the child)

exoticfruits · 16/03/2011 07:26

That is my argument entirely startail. I am in a position to see DCs without their parents and those denied sugar are the ones that go overboard out of mother's sight! Those who have things in moderation are able to stick to moderation.

You can rigidly police your DCs diet but why? What is the point in having a (what you call) wonderful diet when young if they then react against it when they eventually get the choice. I didn't ban things-I certainly didn't get upset about offering a visiting DC a sugar bowl-and there is nothing to react again. They don't crave things if they know that they can have them, in moderation. e.g. we don't have fizzy drinks in the house (except odd occasions) but if out for a meal they were allowed to choose them. The youngest couldn't have coke because he had a bad reaction to it-but he knew that.

I agree with the person earlier-if you don't have sugar in the house do you not home bake? Do you never let your DC make cakes. Don't you do birthday cakes, Christmas cake-make your own mincemeat etc.
Food is supposed to be fun, sociable and enjoyable! Some of these homes must be pretty joyless! DCs are not supposed to be on a adult woman's slimming diet. Homemade apple crumble is perfectly healthy once in a while. I make a really good sugarless, fatless fruitcake.

You need to think of the long term aim-which I would have thought was to have your DC on a healthy diet for life and them to want to eat this way. Not something to get if you get all upset about one spoonful of sugar, one morning for someone else!!!

You can sit there quite smug thinking your DC is happy-you have no idea what they do out of sight-and the wise DC takes good care that you never ever find out!

gorionine · 16/03/2011 07:54

exoticfruits, I totally agree with you. Some things I do not have in my house and no, would not get them especially but things like suf=gar which OP has got but refuse to give on the ground that it is for a child and it would get her DC to have a melt down is ridiculous. Definitely not the same as asking for grinded Haribo or melted chocolate, add a spoonfull of sugar does not put you out of your way (at least not as much as having to rush to the nearest shop to get some blueberries)to make absolutely certain the child does not get fat. To me the "sugar is bad give him blueberty instead" or "why don't you give him eggs instead" "make him some toast!" smack of judgemental people. You would all go out of your way to prove a point that the child does not NEEED sugar rather than just give him a little teaspoon of it?

Bogeyface · 16/03/2011 08:06

Its polite to have sugar in the house? How so?

Why on earth should I spend money on something that we dont use on the off chance that someone might one day come and want a cup of tea with one spoonful in?! I wouldnt expect my friend to buy a jar of coffee just for when I go round, it would be a waste of money.

I dont buy biscuits either!

colditz · 16/03/2011 08:10

i think your 4 year old is eventually going to notice that the other child's breakfast has stuff on it, and if he's anything like my four year old he will soon demand to know what that stuff is.

best to face it head on really, with something like "X has some sugar on his cereal because that's how he has it at home. We don't eat sugar on cereal in our family but X is used to some sugar so he gets some. the end."

colditz · 16/03/2011 08:11

Ohhhh bogeyface, I fill my coffee jar for guests, and always have sweetener in! And I use neither. It's hospitaable

gorionine · 16/03/2011 08:19

No, bogey, it is not polite to have sugar in the house, but it is polite when you do to give it instead of lying that you do not just because you think the child will not die if he does not get anySmile

Happylander · 16/03/2011 08:26

My DS doesn't have sugar on his wheetabix and he loves it. I wouldn't eat it without loads of sugar though as my mum put sugar on everything! I think he gets enough sugar in the cereal and from the occasional treat and fruit to not put it on cereal.

However, dealing with a child that may be used to having sugar on it....well I would just ask the mum whether he does or not and if he does then put it on it. Your child is going to witness other children eating all sorts of things you don't feed your children.

exoticfruits · 16/03/2011 09:12

'Its polite to have sugar in the house? How so?'

I really can't understand this attitude!
We had a TV aerial man yesterday. He had driven some distance, straight from another job. I offered him tea, he was very grateful and took 2 sugars. I wouldn't have dreamed of saying-we don't have sugar, you can't have any! How difficult is to have a bag of sugar? Don't you bake?It doesn't go off. If you can't stand the thought you could, in the effort of politeness bring home the little packets from a cafe.
If I hold the book group or similar at my house, I offer biscuits-I don't say 'sorry no biscuits, I don't eat them!
If I didn't drink coffee I would certainly have some in the cupboard. It is extremely self centred to be so unaccommodating.

exoticfruits · 16/03/2011 09:32

My mind boggles at the rigid thinking. I have an elderly neighbour. I often make her a coffee-she is in her late 80's and has always taken sugar-how rude to smugly say 'oh we don't have sugar-we don't keep it in the house'! Sugar isn't the root of all evil!

Bogeyface · 16/03/2011 09:36

Its not self centred at all! Its simply that when a family is on a budget I see no point in spending money on something that that family neither wants nor needs.

It is a bit of sugar in a cup of tea, its hardly the end of the world! And what if you have run out, what do you say then?

I dont say "You cant have it because I dont use it" I say "I'm afraid I havent got any sugar, would you like a different drink?" and I just dont offer biscuits, they are hardly a necessity!

You mention your book club, that is entertaining as far as I am concerned, and I would have adequate supplies for that. I am talking about having things in "just in case" an unplanned-for visitor just might want a single spoon of sugar, I am not buying a whole bag of sugar based on that premise!

catwhiskers10 · 16/03/2011 09:36

Would you tell a visiting adult they couldn't have sugar in their tea if you didn't take it?

NickelTech · 16/03/2011 09:37

"Its polite to have sugar in the house? How so?

Why on earth should I spend money on something that we dont use on the off chance that someone might one day come and want a cup of tea with one spoonful in?! I wouldnt expect my friend to buy a jar of coffee just for when I go round, it would be a waste of money."

it is - I hate coffee - it makes me sick.
but I have a jar on standby for anyone who might want one.
It's not like they go off, is it?

Bogeyface · 16/03/2011 09:38

Actually, coffee does go stale.

Just saying...Wink :o

exoticfruits · 16/03/2011 09:41

I don't have biscuits on the off chance. However I always have sugar. I buy it if I have people coming and then it stays in the cupboard-it lasts for ages!
Saying you can't afford it is pathetic-get people to collect it for you from cafe's airlines etc. It is rigid thinking-'I am right and you can all do as I do'.

Bogeyface · 16/03/2011 09:44

I didnt say I couldnt afford it, just that I see no point in spending money on something we dont use.

nickelbabysnatcher · 16/03/2011 09:45

Bogey - good, then, cos it's horrible anyway! Wink

exoticfruits · 16/03/2011 09:46

I think that I will leave you all to it-I just predict (from experience-I have seen it over and over again)that if you are so rigid that you can't keep some sugar in your house, you are setting your DC up for eating problems in the future (unless you are 100% sure they take after you and are a rigid thinker).In my experience they look at you and smile and say 'yes mummy, no mummy, 3 bags full mummy' and do the opposite out of sight. (if they are good at it you never know)!

gorionine · 16/03/2011 09:50

just to insist a bit on things (because I am pettyGrin)

OP has got sugar in the house she just refuses to give it to this child because her own children do not take sugar on their cereals. Just saying.

Bogeyface · 16/03/2011 09:53

Oh blimey! That is very funny!

There was me thinking that I was just not bothering to buy something we dont use and saving a bit of money. And it turns out I am setting my kids up for a life of eating disorders and probably type 2 diabetes from over doing it when they are older. Who knew?!

I'd better ban sweets and cakes to be on the safe side, and the SHOCK HORROR maccies that I treat them to occasionally too, to make sure that the eating disorders really do kick in properly. No point in doing things by halves is there?! :o:o

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 09:54

"It is rigid thinking-'I am right and you can all do as I do'." - isn't that the majority of posts on MN, or this thread, or possibly your own stance, exoticfruits? And anyway, it's a bit of a leap to say that children not having sugar on cereal that already has sugar in it is like them being on an adult woman's slimming diet.

Sweets were restricted in my house when I was young, they were an occasional treat and have remained so for me - I never went overboard out of my parents' sight, never particularly went for fizzy drinks, etc - and Chaos' OP is hardly a demonisation of sugar, it's just her musing about how to have as peaceful a time as possible when trying to get 5 kids fed and out of the house. Naturally, that makes her an incapable freak, but you shouldn't mock the afflicted. Especially those who bathe in Nutella.

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 09:54

My dad has type 2 diabetes. you could not move in my grandmothers house for sugar...

ledkr · 16/03/2011 10:00

we limit sugar but weetabix is vile without it so we have a sprinkle and on porridge.
Sugar isnt any worse than other foods you should eat in moderation its sugar not cocaine.
I can alaways tell the kids who have everything banned at home as they are often embarrassingly greedy when they come to tea.
Teeth can also be harmed by fruit acids.My children only ever wanted water or milk to drink but were allowed some sugar on ceral and they dont have filings,the eldest is 27.

ledkr · 16/03/2011 10:05

what did you put on your pancakes ladies?

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