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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go fetch two 14 year olds?

88 replies

typicalbloke · 12/03/2011 21:15

It's a modern etiquette problem...

DS went to a party tonight with two friends. One of the other parents took the the three of them., I am to pick them all up at 11pm.

But here's the thing: DS didn't get in Angry he was bounced at the door and left outside in the rain Sad I just went and picked him up.

So now then -- what happens at 11pm, am I still on the hook to pick up the other two (a 15mile round trip?) or can I justifiably call their parents and tell them I don't fancy it ??

OP posts:
oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 12/03/2011 23:35

Blimey what an adventure!

Well done on keeping your cool with the other dad. He sounds like a right nobber. Nice way to spend your Saturday night!

BitOfFun · 12/03/2011 23:35

Well, you sound eminently reasonable to be, and that girl's father sounds like a proper bell-end.

I haven't seen you around these parts before (ooo-arrr accent), but I am pronouncing you a Good Sort.

canyou · 12/03/2011 23:36

Typicalbloke did you ring to check they are at home as I remember being young and going to parties Blush
LOL at 'young man' he sounds like a complete idiot who knew he was in the wrong but was not man enough to admit it.

macdoodle · 12/03/2011 23:37

What a nightmare, he sounds like an arse.
I know it shouldnt make a difference, but what if it had been two 14yr old girls chucked out on the street.
And why on earth didnt father B ring you.
Oh and well done "young man", I can absolutely be sure would NOT have kept my cool!

Maryz · 12/03/2011 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
typicalbloke · 12/03/2011 23:46

actually I don't blame parents A, it was a party in a house, in a nice suburban leafy street, there were three of them, she dropped them at house, they were definitely there safely and I don't think the possibility of then being bounced would have occured to her.

parents B - yes, I am definitely Hmm that they didn't call me!

Maryz - you are so right!

OP posts:
Original poster
typicalbloke · 12/03/2011 23:48

macdoodle - according to my DS there were also two girls denied entry!

I don't know for certain if that was the case though (he didn't know who they were, he might have been mistaken) angry-man denied it. But he would, wouldn't he.

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/03/2011 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 12/03/2011 23:53

I wouldn't blame the dropping-off parents either- who on earth would imagine that kids would be bounced from a house party?

macdoodle · 13/03/2011 00:05

Indeed, who would imagine the parents of a 14yr old girl could be so utterly irresponsible and ridiculous.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 00:09

I am shocked at the party girl and her parents, leaving her mates outside. Surely she would have known the the OPs son and the others who were left out are her mates Hmm. This is not a nightclub but her house. What a fecking mess they have caused. I personally would call up the other parent to explain the situation, and say due to changes of circumstances you are not able to collect their dc.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 00:11

The parents and the girl sound like some primadonas

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 00:12

Surely it would not take much for the girl to say to her parents that these are her friends and she invited them Hmm

MadamDeathstare · 13/03/2011 03:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

withagoat · 13/03/2011 04:02

A man can't give a mates kid a lift alone maryz? Hysteria

bringmethestrongestcheese · 13/03/2011 07:44

These guys live 17 miles away from you, right? Clearly what you should do is ask the partygirl's parents over for dinner next Saturday night, to put things straight, smooth things over and to have a chance to apologise properly for having been intolerably rude.

Be sure to ask verbally. Put a bouncer on the door [evil grin].......and a video camera.

Hmmm...not sure how you can ensure they have no ready transport home though...

Original poster
typicalbloke · 13/03/2011 08:29

cheese - they live about 5-6 miles away, but the round trip from party to child a to child b to home is about 17 miles

i fear my pavement shouting match will be the talk of the class on Monday! But even this morning it irks me.. just turning away a 14 yr old on to street, and no adukt asked if he had money / phone / someone to fetch him / knew way to station or anything Grrrr.

I emailed parents of child A and B this morning to tell them the story (and said to B 'surely you didn't imagine I was going to abandon your children at the party?)

Oh well, an exciting evening. if any fall-out i will report back

OP posts:
Ephiny · 13/03/2011 08:42

I didn't realise it was just a house party, assumed they'd hired a venue with a strict door policy and the staff refused to be flexible about letting in people not on the list. How ridiculous of the parents in that case, and how nasty and irresponsible to just close the door and leave a 14 year old standing on the street in an unfamiliar area without even checking he has some way to get home. I wonder how they'd feel if someone had done the same to their daughter!

They sound very odd people to me, and quite rude and unpleasant.

Daisypod · 13/03/2011 08:54

Oh dear sounds like I have got a lot of troubled teenage etiquette to come.

Sounds like you handed it very well and I think it sounds as though the father of the birthday girl had probably had a horrible night hosting a teenagers party which had probably got out of hand and he was taking it out on you. Absolutly no right to but personally I would feel quite smug about the fact he had probably had a far worse night than you :o

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 09:21

I would be having words with the party girls parents tbh, leaving 2 children out in the street at night far from home is unacceptable, like others have said how would they feel if someone did that to their daughter, god forbid something happened to their dd. At least they could have invited the kids inside, and phoned the parents to explain, these are kids that their dd knows from school not some gatecrashers. Disgusting behaviour from supposidly responsible parents.

FourFortyFour · 13/03/2011 09:33

The "young man" comment sounds like he was trying to patronise you.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 09:56

Just read back typical sounds like there was a total lack of communication between the party girl and her parents, what does it take for her to say 'no dad he is invited, I asked him in the week, he can come in! The father should be angry at the daughter for causing the trouble, besides that who leaves two children out in the street. They should have invited your ds in and phoned you. I am 'shock' that the boys parents did not phone you up to tell you than they had collected and left you to make all that journey, jeeese some people dont know how to communicate, thats how this mess came to be in the first place.

MadamDeathstare · 13/03/2011 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollymole · 13/03/2011 19:07

absolutely amazed at the pig ignorant behavious of the hosting family - who the hell do they think they are - what they did was horrendous and dangerous leaving young people out in the middle of nowhere BUT the kids he went with should have all stuck together - perhaps your son needs to have a big think about the sort of people he calls his 'friends'
and there is one young 'lady' who would become permanent bottom of any guest list i was involved with

brass · 13/03/2011 19:16

If it were me I wouldn't be doing a second trip. No way.

I also agree with the posters about loyalty. Mine aren't that age yet but I would hope that they would stick together in light of such appalling organisation and treatment!

And how must the child who had been on the list but had been crossed off at the door have felt?

Utterly dreadful behaviour on the part of the host parents.