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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go fetch two 14 year olds?

88 replies

typicalbloke · 12/03/2011 21:15

It's a modern etiquette problem...

DS went to a party tonight with two friends. One of the other parents took the the three of them., I am to pick them all up at 11pm.

But here's the thing: DS didn't get in Angry he was bounced at the door and left outside in the rain Sad I just went and picked him up.

So now then -- what happens at 11pm, am I still on the hook to pick up the other two (a 15mile round trip?) or can I justifiably call their parents and tell them I don't fancy it ??

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/03/2011 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 12/03/2011 22:06

I agree with Maryz (you're a teacher too, aren't you?)

Tuppence2 · 12/03/2011 22:08

If you are still going to pick them up, I would get your ds to call or text them to let them know. They may have already arranged a lift from someone else's parents or rang their own... You dont want to trail there to find out theyve sorted something else/ already left.

I'd still call their parents to let them know of the situation. They may then decide they will collect them anyway, and save you the hassle... Just think about what you'd want to happen if it was 1 of the other kids' dad's picking them up and that kid had got knocked back... Just kind of puts minds at rest.

AllDirections · 12/03/2011 22:09

Child protection issue, really?

I had my DD's friend sitting in the car with me for an hour and half before her bus appeared. I had my other DDs with me. Does this make a difference?

Ephiny · 12/03/2011 22:09

I would ring the other parents, most likely one of them will offer to do the pick-up without you having to even ask. I would in their situation anyway.

Maryz · 12/03/2011 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourFortyFour · 12/03/2011 22:12

I think if you have agreed you would pick them up then you still should but words need to be had about checking all children are inside and staying before the first dropping off parent leaves.

Maryz · 12/03/2011 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slambang · 12/03/2011 22:18

what's clear is you have to do something
A. Pick em up
or
B. Ring their parents and say you aren't picking up.

There is no C option.

Youllskimmer · 12/03/2011 22:19

It'd only be a child protection issue if you're giving lifts in your capacity that you need your CRB check for surely?

Maryz · 12/03/2011 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 12/03/2011 22:33

That seems to me to be taking the child protection issue too far - the next logical step would be saying that parents shouldn't be alone with their own children, as they could abuse them or their child could make an accusation against them (both these things do happen).

I know there are rules about these things for teachers and others interacting with children in a professional capacity, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to worry about it in a situation like this, a parent giving another child a lift as an informal one-off arrangement. I can see the reasoning behind it, but it seems odd to live our everyday lives in such fear of each other.

canyou · 12/03/2011 22:33

I would go and collect them, take you DS and use it as a chance to explain the importance of sticking with the friends you go out with, I would also tell the other parents so that in future they can make sure every one gets in and is safe before they leave

activate · 12/03/2011 22:36

no don't go - phone other parents and say you had to pick DS up because he wasn't let in so would prefer someone else to pick up the kids who did -

honeybehappy · 12/03/2011 22:52

personally i would phone the other parents but only because i am lazy and would want to get out of going.

Child protection issue?????? Really???? the parents obviously trusted typicalbloke to go and pick up their childrn so why would it make a difference if his own children werent in the car??

hogsback · 12/03/2011 22:52

What kind of friends has he got that went in without him????

QuickLookBusy · 12/03/2011 23:03

That was my thought hogs, I have always taught my girls to stick together on nights out and never to leave one friend alone.

Maryz · 12/03/2011 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

macdoodle · 12/03/2011 23:10

Absolutely disgusting that (a) his mates went in without him, already drumming into DD1 (almost 10) that they never ever leave one of them alone, always in pairs AT least, (b) the party girl and her parents, I would have done more than had a row, I would have been absolutely furious, brat of a child and clearly a spoilt brat if her parents behavious is anything to go by, (c) the drop off parent, tough if the kids are embaressed, not so hard to sit in the car until they all get in

Am gobsmacked TBH, who "bounced" them, WTF were the parents.

Phone the other parents, dont go back.

catinthehat2 · 12/03/2011 23:10

What happened in the end???

oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 12/03/2011 23:11

If the parents are ok with their dc having a lift with typicalbloke in the first place then I would not see this as a child protection issue. I would be absolutely furious if another parent was supposed to be picking my dc up but failed to do so because she was suddenly on her own. I'm a teacher btw and aware of all the cp issues. Incidently if I saw a pupil of mine stranded in the rain I would offer a lift - after getting them to ring parent and me speaking to them on phone before they got in the car.

Maryz · 12/03/2011 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 12/03/2011 23:19

I'd be so bloody cross at this girl's parents. Un-fucking-believable! How did your son take it?

Original poster
typicalbloke · 12/03/2011 23:32

  • child protection was a good call, but I was OK for that, the last-to-be-dropped boy I know his parents pretty well, and that's OK

Well what happened is

  • I figured that the parents who had done the drop off (Child A) it wouldn't be right for them to also pick up, given there are three children
  • the other parents (child B) we a do a lot of lifts with them, they've probably had a drink being saturday night, it's not thier fault what happened. I'd better just pick up as planned

So I went to pick up

  • my DS to texted A and B to reassure them I would be there
  • I got there and found that child B had contacted parents earlier, and father had picked them up already (father hadn't contacted me, he'd obviously assumed that I was going to abandon them. Hmm

but not entirely a wasted journey, the father of the girl whose party it was recognised me and accosted me , and we had another stand up row! He completely lost his temper. I remained completely calm Smile. At one point though I did think he might hit me! Best thing, having lost his temper, he did inadvertently confirm that my DS HAD BEEN invited earlier in the week [relieved smiley] , but because he wasn't sure at first if he could come he 'wasn't on the list' so that's why he wasn't let in.

I told him that was completely unacceptable behaviour.

He said my DS was the only person they'd had troube with.

I said 'nonsense, I gave another boy in their class, who I also found on the street , a lift home myself!'

he was really cross... face right next to mine etc. I am amazed I kept so cool (I was half hoping he was going to hit me, so I could call the police!)

best thing of the evening? he called me 'young man'
I am 47!

OP posts:
Original poster
typicalbloke · 12/03/2011 23:35

he said I had been 'incalcuably rude' when I was there earlier.

I said 'good, I meant to be, you deserved it'

Smile
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