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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that what I feed my kids is my own business?

85 replies

KidderminsterKate · 12/03/2011 17:22

Bit of background - there is this school mum who I have regularly talked with for a few years. Her daughter is in the same class as my twins and one of them is particulalry friendly with her. We also went through pregnancy together and my son is in reception with her other daughter.

We tend to only see each other at school functions/ school run but have had the odd coffee and chat together. She was very helpful when my husband left and I was trying to rearrange my working pattern and equally I have helped her out on occasion.

The focus of our conversations has recently seemed to be about food, or more precisely what I am cooking for dinner. Doesnt help that my girls always rush out of school and ask whats for dinner.

So yesterday, I told then soup and bread, chocolate cake (they'd had school dinners) and she commented that it wasnt a substantial meal in a kind of jokey way (although this was all homemade - not that it should matter).

Today I nipped to the shop with kids to get them a bag of sweets each and some sausages to tea. She looks in my basket and comments that she doesnt know how I stay so slim (I'm bigger than her)and that she never gives her childen sweets.

This isnt the first time that I've heard these sort of comments and she got a bit funny with me when i took her daughter to McDonalds for lunch with us a few moinths ago....the sausages are to go with mash and 3 lots of veg and the sweets were becuase we had just had a morning walk with the dog and were going back home to relax and watch a dvd.

so should I ignore this? say something?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2011 17:34

I'd ignore it as her having issues around food.

Don't justify yourself to her for your choice of food, there's no need and will just make her think she's got a right to comment.

ilovemyhens · 12/03/2011 17:47

She never gives her children sweets?

She's either a downright liar or she should prepare herself for some serious pigging out once they're old enough to buy their own stuff. She's not doing them any favours by being so strict about what they eat.

pjmama · 12/03/2011 17:48

None of her business, just ignore her. Some people seem to feel the need to justify their own choices by judging others. Her problem, not yours.

ModreB · 12/03/2011 17:49

YANBU. It is you business what you choose to feed your DC's, and not anyone elses.

beesimo · 12/03/2011 17:57

Ignore her she is a cheeky mare

NorthernGobshite · 12/03/2011 18:02

Ignore her. She sounds like a snidey bitch.

Mayqueene · 12/03/2011 18:02

Ignore.

That's what I do with one of my friends who is vegetarian like us. She says I can't claim to cook from scratch because I use quorn mince for bolognaise, quorn sausages for casserole etc-she considers Quorn to be in the same category as ready meals.

She can even be a bit sniffy about my ready to cook lentils-I think she's stuck in the 70s when you had to suffer to be a true vegetarian

Agree with Hens that your friend is storing up problems if she seriously allows then no chocolates etc at all

Driftwood999 · 12/03/2011 18:03

Ignore it, be friendly, she sounds anxious tbh. A good diet is what you have spread out over a month, not the snapshot from someone else's perspective. Or what you choose to do in the holidays.

dakmum · 12/03/2011 18:03

sounds just normal to me, i love soup and pudding nights!! ignore her, putting you down to make herself feel better xx

Maylee · 12/03/2011 18:11

Yes, ignore for sure. Your suppers sound yum.

beesimo · 12/03/2011 18:13

This is a serious question Mayqueen if you were coming to may place would you be ok if I gave you veggie stuff that was from m and s or would you think me very rude not trying to cook summat i do not want to offend veggie guests but I want them to enjoy their meal and veggie food never looks 'right' to me when I do it. I am just interested in a impartial Vs view thank you

Underachieving · 12/03/2011 18:16

Ignore her and don't let her food hang ups become contagious. If I were you I'd mention to your kids casually at some point (when next appopriate) that (Olivia's) Mummy and you don't seem to have the same ideas on food but it's Ok, people are allowed to have different ideas. That the best thing to do is smile and not let it become an issue, so when at (Olivia's) it's best to eat up politely without criticising but not to take it too seriously.

A1980 · 12/03/2011 18:40

YANBU

She sounds like a neurotic mother from hell. TBH what you feed your kids isn't unhealthy at all. A low fat diet isn't healthy for children. Sweets and chocolate wont harm them as long as they're active and their diet is healthy otherwise.

Just wait until her kids are older. I had a mother like that. I remember being 16 years old and buying my first ever can of Coca Cola. I felt as if i was committing a crime.

Original poster

KidderminsterKate · 12/03/2011 19:15

I will ignore but she makes it difficult sometimes....grrr

her kids have chocolate on occasion but not sweets and tbh they are a but picky when they come to mine.

She is the type to put hummous and pitta in a school lunch box and then brag about it

OP posts:

Mayqueene · 12/03/2011 19:24

Beesimo

I would be more than delighted to have M and S veggie food if I came to your house for dinner-I'd be really touched that you'd made such an effort, but would be equally happy with what everyone else was having without the meat-ie roast potatoes and veg for sunday dinner

beesimo · 12/03/2011 19:42

Thank you very much mayqueen it is for dd1s new girls Mother we are not on the same wave length at all and I am trying not to put my foot in it with her. They are new to the area and she seems to be in total shock at how country people are as in straight to the point no bullshitting we are not trying to offend but she will take the huff. My lad is very keen on the girl who is a good lass and to be honest I will do what ever is necessary to smooth the way. Thank you for helping out

HecateTheCrone · 12/03/2011 19:59

you could always look at her, give a tinkling laugh, smile and say "oh bless you, you are funny."

if she's really annoying you , that ought to give you some small satisfaction

pointythings · 12/03/2011 20:15

Oh, YABVU for not giving your poor little darling organic tofu casseroles and lentils grown under a waxing moon, and sweets are of course the work of the devil.

But seriously, you know she's a neurotic mare, don't you?

outnumbered2to1 · 12/03/2011 20:21

Your kids - your choice what to feed them. In fact can you come to mine and feed my boys home made soup please...... and me too..... lol

LadyOfTheManor · 12/03/2011 20:25

While I think there's nothing wrong in soup, I don't feed junk sweets to my ds.

I also, was raised without sweets and fizzy drinks. Didn't do me any harm, and I don't have one filling!

Each to their own. My ds would rather hummus and bread than a bag of jelly tots or the like.

Beveridge · 12/03/2011 20:30

FFS, home-made soup and bread is probably the most healthy and nutritious thing you could give anyone!

Sounds like she has ishoos, if you ask me - and that her DCs will be likely to end up with them too.

Sounds like she also needs some more social skills too.

HappySeven · 12/03/2011 21:16

LadyoftheManor - how do you know that's what he'd prefer if you've never fed him them?

OP - please ignore. Your meals sound great and far more nutritious than the jam sandwiches I used to have. Surely having a hot lunch means you can have a relaxed tea?

Underachieving · 13/03/2011 12:52

Excuse the late reply, my browser automatically opens the last page I was looking at and I had another thought.

What about the 80:20 rule? This is a sound bit of advice that was being promoted to balance the OTT healthy eating advice that was an eating disorder in itself (orthorexia nervosa). The 80:20 rule says that in a healthy eating pattern 80% of what you eat should be saintly and 20% can be less than saintly and you will be absolutley fine.

Or the 5-a-day rule, that's another easy but effective one, with sound principles behind it.

Little rules like 80:20, 5 a day, or the No-S diet are invaluable in balancing the overload of ever changing nutritious advice and keeping ones feet on the ground.

LadyOfTheManor · 13/03/2011 13:02

Happy- he'd prefer them because he knows no difference. That isn't a bad thing AFAIK.

colditz · 13/03/2011 13:09

Maybe her shock is dictated by her child's appetite?

I couldn't feed ds1 soup and bread for dinner even after a large breakfats and a hot lunch. I tried it once - fed him soup and bread for tea (because I, like you, think that this should be plenty).

he ate it up nicely, and 45 minutes later he came into the kitchen and said "What are we having for dinner?"

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