to think that what I feed my kids is my own business?

[KidderminsterKate]

Bit of background - there is this school mum who I have regularly talked with for a few years. Her daughter is in the same class as my twins and one of them is particulalry friendly with her. We also went through pregnancy together and my son is in reception with her other daughter.

We tend to only see each other at school functions/ school run but have had the odd coffee and chat together. She was very helpful when my husband left and I was trying to rearrange my working pattern and equally I have helped her out on occasion.

The focus of our conversations has recently seemed to be about food, or more precisely what I am cooking for dinner. Doesnt help that my girls always rush out of school and ask whats for dinner.

So yesterday, I told then soup and bread, chocolate cake (they'd had school dinners) and she commented that it wasnt a substantial meal in a kind of jokey way (although this was all homemade - not that it should matter).

Today I nipped to the shop with kids to get them a bag of sweets each and some sausages to tea. She looks in my basket and comments that she doesnt know how I stay so slim (I'm bigger than her)and that she never gives her childen sweets.

This isnt the first time that I've heard these sort of comments and she got a bit funny with me when i took her daughter to McDonalds for lunch with us a few moinths ago....the sausages are to go with mash and 3 lots of veg and the sweets were becuase we had just had a morning walk with the dog and were going back home to relax and watch a dvd.

so should I ignore this? say something?

Oh and Tatty I agree with you some people are just looking to pick a fight.

There's a difference between "feeding them junk" an letting them enjoy a treat now and again. After all, it's an important life lesson, being able responsibly to enjoy things that are bad for us in excess. When I was at primary school, admittedly in the evil 80s there was always a kid who wasn't allowed to eat the cakes or sweets at parties etc, and was forced to have nuts and fruit ALL the time. And all the other kids pitied them!

Just for my own information LOTM, when DCs (or DC, haven't looked that far) are older, what are you going to tell them? My DDs at mo know will not have chewing gum till 12, and for some reason accept this. Serious q, how do you think you can sustain this type of restriction?

I can until he's old enough to make an informed decision...I'll sustain it as long as I can but introducing him to sweets now isn't going to give me a head start....

I don't believe the theory that if they don't have sweets when they're toddlers, that as soon as they reach 12 they binge!

He'll be told similar things-no fizzy drinks until he's old enough and even then as a treat.

Absoloutely right ladyofthemanor

That rubbish talk is always trotte out by people who give their little ones sweets and it is absolute rubbish

Why oh why give a small child sweets?! I don't get it! Mine love fruit and its healthy and their teeth are lovely

I do think LOTM views on food are very 'prim'. Not what I would call a balanced view, on food. And it is a question of balance. Lots of fruit and veg, meat, rice, roast dinners. And some crisps and biscuits, chocolate and sweets aswell. Thats balance.

You don't beleive the bingeing theory ? Really. I have seen many people on MN post of it.

LOL mine get sweets every Friday, a biggish bag too, and their teeth are pearly white.

I subscribe to the 80:20 school of child feeding though, I don't expect anyone else to agree with me.

"WHy oh why give a small child sweets?"

Because they taste delicious, and all the parenting in the world will not change that. Some children don't like sweets (I was one of them, my sweetie giving parents were baffled!) but most do.

I dont necessarily believe the as soon as they have them they'll binge theory either to be honest. I do think though that some children like sweets more than others, and I think that in all but very extreme situations of control they will all get to try them eventually.

Some will go on to be pretty major sweet tooths, others won't...I'm pretty sure this is as much to do with how they were "born" than what they had when they were younger.

I think its perfectly sensible for people with very young kids to not introduce them to sweets or chocolate or biscuits or whatever, there is no physical need for it and plenty of time for it later.

Its pretty sensible not to provide them later as well, there seem to be many opportunities for them as they get older. Perhaps that's enough. I think if you dont eat them yourself, there's no logical reason to buy them specifically to give your child.

I think its unsustainable or unlikely for many children to grow up entirely without them. To be fair to LadyoftheManor, I dont think that's what she is proposing, just merely that whilst her child is at the very young stage, they wont be getting them and when they are older, not from her.

I've seen some children absolutely crazy about sweets, others not bothered, from the same family, but also just from different families with similar philosophies...I think if you are going to end up with a sweet-toother, they will happen eventually.

I think its also universally understood that most teenagers will eat whatever absolute shit they will get their hands on and all our efforts will be mocked forevermore...

And re the bingeing. As a child, I went to 3 diabetic summer camps, and it was always discussed as a known topic. The rigidity of diabetes, and food control, is part of a normal rebellion. often during teenager years.
And guess what, even I did, subsequently do some rebellion as a teenager.

I think if you've been completely restricted and witnessed peers indulging and have not been allowed to, its a definite possibility.

I think what I'm talking about is simply not introducing sweets etc as a "food group" as such, or snack option, but waiting until they are older and it becomes almost impossible to delay any further without watching them like hawks at parties or that kind of thing, then allowing them in moderation as and when they "happen". At that point, they are either going to love them or like them of hate them or something in between regardless.

Once they have eaten from the "tree of knowledge" and are restricted in a significant way, I think the eventual rebellion does become a distinct possibility.

My own theory of course!

Oblomov Sun 13-Mar-11 17:40:50
You don't beleive the bingeing theory ? Really. I have seen many people on MN post of it.

I've seen plenty of people on MN who formula feed, it doesn't mean I have to.

I think we should all do what we think is best for our children, in my case, it is staving off sugary snacks for as long as possible.

Wait till the kids are 12 / 13
what do you want in your packed lunch?
"UUUHHGGHH"
"Tuna OK?"
"UUGG"
Good, I'll make that for you both
"NNOOOO""
"what then?"
"anything"
"such as?"
"NNGGHHUUHHDDGG"
"Tuna it is"
"and chocolate"
"NO, Fruit"
"%&%&^&$&(%(&("
"Good, fruit, tuna sarnie, or starve"
"I HATE you"
"excellent, see you this afternoon"

interesting comments

I am loving the idea of saying something outrageous next time she asks! They did have some lobsters in Aldi the other day actually!

Sweets - I cant summon the energy to get upset about the odd packet of sweets. They dont have them everyday and enjoy fruit,nuts, cherry toms etc as snacks as well

I find soup very filling tbh...the one I made was root vegetables and had sweet pots in so was quite thick. I have gotten into the habit of doing a 'pudding' if we have soup...usually somthing like fruit cruble but fancied choc cake. Seems to fill them up - well as much as anything else!

LOTM, your bf'ing comparison does not make sense. the two are not the same at all.

You presuming that because other Mnetters have said so, that it is gospel. I used the same theory and applied it to a different subject. You're right, it doesn't make sense. Point made.

Agree with everyones comments, you should not have to justify what food you and your family eat..
She sounds jealous of you food choices and thats why shes negative about it.
I can imagine it gets very annoying receiving these negative comments and would need to take action,
i'd be tempted to bake her a great big fat chocolate cake as a token of your friendship, tell her to lighten up a little treat every now and again is harmless.

Very well said tattydevine

Actually - brilliantly said!

LOTM, you insult me by insinuating that I am so stupid to take something as gospel just becasue a many Mn'ers have said so. Please. I am also aware of medical investigations into all sorts of people with different medical issues and how they pyschologically re act to restrictions. PLus, I gave you a persoanl reference,I have been to discussions myself, where diabetics talked about these things.
But these things don't count, in your eyes, at all ?

You practically saying: I don't think thats true. I have no reason to back this up, I am just sure that I am right. That is nonsensical.

Well said hobnob.

Ok- so you'll accept personal experiences.

I wasn't allowed sweets or fizzy drinks AT ALL growing up. I didn't crave them as soon as I was able to roam free without a parental eye on me...I still don't bother with them now.

Now where do you stand?

But LOTM - I did have sweets and pop as a child and at the age of 38y I am yet to have had a cavity, no fillings, etc.

I can't get het up about sweets and chocolate as treats, or fizzy pop once in a while.

It is very different when your children are babies and toddlers. I don't think DD had sweets until she was a fair bit older and def not fizz pop til school age. She's almost 9y now and enjoys both as treats.

By the time DD got her back teeth they came through with very little enamel on and one was removed last year. Absolutely nothing to do with what she eats or rinks. Entirely down to her teeth coming through deformed - poss due to sickness in early pregnancy.

So for me the tooth thing is a red herring. For the most part it can be pretty much down to luck.

I said each to their own. I don't care what people feed their children, but I shan't be made to feel guilty for abstaining from feeding my ds sweeties.