To have told my Mum to piss off

[mmsmum]

My Mum is the biggest bitch out there, really she takes some beating

She is always making catty comments and snide remarks but she has gone too far this time

She has just told me my life is a mess. She said I have no job, no home, I have nothing. She suggested I move to 'where work is' (where ever the hell she thinks that might be) and says I've done nothing about looking for a job. She knows that I've been looking since August, she knows I have no childcare before or after school and she won't help so my hours are limited. She also knows I saw someone about doing a professional CV the other week so I asked her why she thought I did that if I wasn't looking for work and said 'you were probably bored' at this point I told her to piss off and hung up

I never give myself a break, I never let up on myself, I spend all my time caring for DC, for the dog, the house and I study pt. I spend hours every week trawling the web for jobs, then I call possibilities to find out exact hours and if there is anything (usually there isn't) I'll apply for it.

I'm about to come into some money and I think this is her problem. I lost the income I was getting from the csa last year and have struggled since and my Mum has been helping me out here and there, usually with food shopping and small bills like bt every few months. She knows I cannot get a mortgage and would need to spend every penny if I am going to buy a house outright but she seems to want me to give her her money back first and then wash her hands of me

Tonight was totally unprovoked, I had called her earlier in the week to ask if she would take me or lend me money for petrol so I could go see houses and this is when it came out that 'I can't buy a house' because I won't have enough left after giving her money. I said I needed to find somewhere for me and dc to live, if I rent my money will just be drained away into the pockets of someone else and I won't have anything to show for it and DC won't have any security, she also knows I'd have trouble renting with the dog. She also accused me of not looking at houses, which is ridiculous because I've discussed my searching with her loads of times, she knows I'm online looking everyday

Why is she such a bitch? I really hate that she genuinely seems to think my life is a mess, that I have nothing and am not trying to do anything with my life. I don't and never have spent my days sitting about doing nothing, being bored. This is something I expect from a total bitch, not from my Mum, or anyone's Mum

I had called her about something completely different tonight and she brought this up. It seems like she is determined to fall out and drive me away, I've never thought she liked me and I've always thought that she should never have had children. I could never ever say the things to my DD that she says to me, I could never even think anything like the stuff she says

She knows that that I am depending on her for a few things financially next week (one of the things is DD's school trip) but this is beyond her usual moaning, which is bad enough at times. What kind of Mum tells their DD her life is a mess? I don't know what to do, I get more understanding from my dog, I was stressed out enough without that conversation

I really need a friend right now but don't have anyone I can call. Argh! I do try, I know I struggle with stress and anxiety, something I don't think she has ever noticed but I was trying so hard to be positive and look to the future, I'd even compiled a new cv and just signed up for a Summer ou course, I'd even joined a weight loss group today but now I feel like crying but I'm not giving her the satisfaction! I would love, love, love to work, even people on fb know that! I am so bloody lonely on my own all the time I am desperate to get out and do something.

Can someone please tell me what the hell is wrong with my Mum? Does she believe the stuff she is saying? I'd really like never to speak to her again but I can't let DD down next week

YOu should pay your mother back before you do anything else, you rely on her yet you don't want to pay her back seems unfair.

If you were able to purchase a property outright or you're going to receive the propert you're residing at, then I presume you'll be able to remortgage the property and [ay off any debts to your mum.

LD I don't think I'm owed anything now for her not around back then, but I guess I do feel like I deserved a proper Mum when growing up. My Mum goes beyond critical, if she could think of a way she'd blame me for everything that's wrong in the world.

Re. the cv, I thought it was ok, I used what I remembered from careers at uni. It was my Mum who suggested having someone look at it (after she told me how I've never worked a day in my life and had no hope in hell of getting a job, seriously)

I have kept my car so I can work. If I have to rely on public transport it will take longer and cut into the hours I can work, it also costs nothing to have it sitting in the driveway (insurance was paid for a year last Autumn)

I don't walk DD home, she comes herself, I've said that. I was home alone from 9 but back then it wasn't breaking the law.

I am not about to give up my dog! It's not his fault and he is actually pretty cheap to run, cheaper than DD but I'm not giving her up earlier

Be with my 'story' if you like but why would I make stuff up? Why would anyone come on an anonymous forum and make stuff up, that doesn't make sense. I've said its complicated and I've said I'm not going into it because it's not relevant and it's hard to talk about so I'd rather not, but really, it doesn't matter

Cumfy, can't remortgage and can't get a mortgage

Fabby tell me where I said I didn't want to pay her back?

LD the trip hasn't been paid for and DD will go even if I have to sell myself. I am not having her devastated for a few quid. I don't care if I need to take crap off my Mum so she can go, DD is more important

If you moved to England you may well find it better all around. YOu might find a job and your daughter could be left home alone before she went to school and after. If you are going to move her you would have to do so before she starts secondary school. She is too old for an after school club. And is old enough to be left home alone at the age of 11 for a few hours after school. She should also be doing things with friends.

I think you should consider moving further South for your health, your future and to get away from your mother.

"I don't care if I need to take crap off my Mum so she can go, DD is more important"

but quite happy to give your mum crap and still expect her to pay!

Your daughter is also old enough to be left during school holidays too, she is way old enough.

Fabby you might be onto something, it would be scary going that far but it might be an idea. Where do you suggest? DD loves the countryside but not sure that would be good for employment

Do some homework? Look around for a good school, then how far away you could work, you could go anywhere, you will make friends so will your daughter, and in England you can leave your child, you would be able to afford to rent initially if you could work full time with no worries. Then once happier say look to buy somewhere. With a full time job you might be able to get a mortgage.

Its worth thinking about and looking into, yoru daughter might like that too, you both be in the same position of not knowing anyone.

I wasn't with your story, I was , it has a lot of holes in IMO, but that may be down to the factors you have not wanted (and shouldn't have to) disclose. I didn't think it was made up, I just don't think you are trying as hard as you think, sorry, I just really think that. And I am someone who has lived well beneath the poverty line for years before and understand the difficult positions people can get in financially.

But honestly...

I do think you are making excuses and your mum does sound like she is being rude to you but you are actively encouraging this by taking money from her when you know what she is like.

It all seems workable but you seem to be creating obstacles for yourself.

It might take longer to get to work without the car, but get up earlier and make that sacrifice for instance. And whther it is paid up, you can't afford petrol and need to ask your mother for the money, it is not logical to keep a luxury you cannot maintain.

mmsmum just checked online regarding leaving child at home and on strathclyde police website they say its a common sense approach. I only checked as ds is nearly 12 but has been home alone a few times so got worried ì had done something wrong lol. When i go to college he will be alone for an hour (ish) per day. Do you think dd would be ok herself?

Fabby that's pretty much what I've been doing up here so I suppose it's worth widening my search, I'll try it.

LD it's as hurtful when you say it as it is when my Mum says it, I am trying so hard! There is nothing else I can do, I am being rejected at every turn, I want to work so much, not just for the money but for company. I haven't spoken to anyone for so long, I would love to have somewhere to go each day and people to chat to, I want to be 'normal' again! I loved my old job and really miss it. How am i creating obstacles? I don't understand that

It's not about getting up earlier, I have a fixed time i.e. when school starts and finishes. So say I don't have a car, I would still have asked my Mum to take me round to look at houses! That's what I asked her for anyway, could she take us round to look or if she didn't want to (didn't think she would) could she lend me money for petrol to go myself

The police do have a common sense policy but of course it's at the discretion of the individual police officer, I have seen a lady given a telling off for leaving her 10 and 12 year old outside M&S with the dog whilst doing her shopping.
Goodness knows when you can be completely confident about leaving them, 16 probably.

Right - I only properly read first page and last page so I am sorry if i have misunderstood.

You do not need to buy a property. We (two professional incomes) can "only" rent our lovely house. Yep. Paying the landlord's mortgage. That's what we two adults and our child can afford, and I am grateful for our lovely home. If I came into some vast amount of momney I'd buy it like a shot. But we can't. As we have student loans and various other stuff - oh yeah and the baby we had when we were still at uni - that GUESS WHAT - our parents aren't responsible for.

My mum sometimes criticises my choices. My mum sometimes says hurtful things. My mum also buys our son's school shoes, and his other Granny gives me the (increasingly expensive) school trip money.

My parents and my son's other grandparents owe us nothing - they CHOOSE to help us, and we are grateful. Tried that, OP?

Stac yeah, it's one of the reasons we got a dog, so she could come home when she was older and have company. I just went on the advice given by the social worker I knew and it's what everyone seems to think. There was only one job that was 10 til 4 and i didn't apply because it was 4 so I suppose I've only missed out on opportunity. Don't think I'd have got that anyway as they wanted experience of something I didn't have but anything is worth a shot

Op can I just point out that it is not illegal to leave a child of that age alone at home

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Yourchildshealthandsafety/Yourchildssafetyinthehome/DG_070594

Also, as your DD is 11 Im assuming she will be attending secondary school in August. AFAIK there is no afterschool care consessions in Glasgow secondary schools.

I find it difficult to believe that you cannot find childcare. I live in Glasgoe and have never had any problems finding childcare for DS1 as I work full time

Cat were your last 3 words really necessary? You just sound nasty and up until that point seemed alright.

Is there no childcare in Scotland? Cos I managed alright with a full time job and a child minder in England from when my baby was 12 weeks old because I HAD to get to work to get some money and my mother was, incredibly unreasonably obviously, unwilling to give up her owm full time job to help out with my son.

Sorry if I sounded nasty - I didn't mean to.

Two I know there is nothing in schools, I've been looking and looking at after school care run by private companies, parent boards (as our primary one is because the school does nothing) and charities. Have you really always been able to find childcare? You have the honour of being the first person I have heard say that, you must have been very lucky. Where does he go?

If there's no childcare in Scotland , then that is surely an opportunity for someone to find a way to provide some? Like, as a job. Someone who is out of work and has been looking for months, maybe.

i have to hide this thread now it is making me fucking furious.

i have a very close friend who was made redundant early last year, she is a single parent of 3 children. her EX pays her nothing towards the care of their children, she is about to lose her house. the house that she has been paying for for years. she doesn't drive but has applied for every single job advertised, knowing that she will have to get up really early and use public transport to travel for work, knowing that she will have to arrange childcare for her children and her pride has stopped her from asking for much needed help from her parents.

to read that you didn't apply for a job because it would mean working til 4pm is fucking laughable.

He is not attending at the moment as I am on ML but still has a place with the YWCA.
Prior to that he attending an afterschool care in a different school and I had to arrange his pick up from school and drop off with a sitter service

I think this will be my last post about childcare because it must the the 100th time I've said this!

DD was in after school care and I kept her in while I was looking for work but I cut it down to part time and then took her out completely because I just couldn't afford to keep her in any more. They have a two year waiting list so she isn't going to get back in

I got the childminder list from the council and phoned round, 99% have waiting lists, the other 1% said no, usually because of the logistics of having different kids and different schools. Only a few would take my number and most only after me begging them to, so they can call me if anything changes. I've called round again but they don't appreciate it!

I think a nanny is a bit ott and BU so not something I thought of

Anything else?

If it is ok to give her a key then I will apply for jobs up til 4pm but don't think I'd go beyond that as if I finished at 5 I probably wouldn't get home til 6 with traffic and think that's too long