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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

boss is out of order questioning intergrity

64 replies

legaleagle21 · 11/03/2011 17:53

I was unwell this morning as was my daughter. I knew I had an important meeting so took so day nurse and stumbled to work. Hoping I would start to feel better.

DD was v upset (usual) and I knew was that well when I dropped her off at nursery so when I got to work I called them and they said she was v upset and her temp was up.

So I went in work and said to the boss i was going to have to go as I was not feeling well and daughter was not well. She said I needed to get nursery to call her to confirm daughter was not well.

I was floored I was so shocked and insulted by this - AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
legaleagle21 · 11/03/2011 17:56

Sorry should have checked this message before I posted.

I took some day nurse

And it should say it is unusal for dd to be upset on doing to nursery. and I knew she was not that well.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 11/03/2011 18:00

Very strange, I can imaigne a public sector worker reorting this as a grievence it just screams I don't believe you!

scurryfunge · 11/03/2011 18:00

If your attendance is otherwise good, I would be really insulted.

FabbyChic · 11/03/2011 18:01

Sometimes I would imagine a lot of bosses would do this, as employees can use their children as an excuse to get out of working. Specifically if they get paid leave.

I'd have just said okay I get them to call you. Or rang them and put them through to the boss.

HecateTheCrone · 11/03/2011 18:02

Not at all.

I think I would have made the call and then demanded an apology and said don't you dare ever accuse me of being a liar again!

unfitmother · 11/03/2011 18:06

YANBU Shock

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 11/03/2011 18:12

I have good attendance.

I just said I sorry I really have to go the loo and got up went the loo and left.

I could have got the nursery to call her but it was the principle of it.

Lovebeingknockedup - I am a public sector worker!

OP posts:
SuchProspects · 11/03/2011 18:13

It must have felt nasty OP, I would have been really miffed too.

You could check with HR to see if it's a new policy. Sometimes when a company has had a problem with one employee they bring in dumb policies to try and stop it happening again. unfortunately they don't work, if anything they just lower moral. But it might not be your boss questioning your integrity, just somebody whose idea of developing a productive environment is limited to checking boxes. Of course your boss might just be a git.

unfitmother · 11/03/2011 18:14

I'd complain.
Is this a new boss?

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 11/03/2011 18:15

I would have got paid if I went home coz I was sick or dd was sick - so why she made a point of asking for the nursery to most odd.

Plus she knows I live 45 mins away - why on earth would i drive all the way to work just to go home. I could have just called in sick in the morning if I was skivving

OP posts:
PepsiPopcorn · 11/03/2011 18:21

YANBU

fedupofnamechanging · 11/03/2011 18:26

Do you belong to a union? I would seek their advice. I think your boss is pretty fucking rude and I would ask her to put any requests in writing, then at least you have evidence of harassment if this continues.

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 11/03/2011 18:39

I actually dont think it was a personal attck on me. Apprently it is the policy - since when i dont know, first i have heard of it - but then i suppose it is the first time i have had to go home in the day.

I hope this is not insulting to anyone when i say it is almost like the boss is autistic. Everything has to be done in a set way. She is procedure and policy obsessed but seems to have now common sense and human empathy.

However I have a main department boss over her I was thinking of speaking to him about how insulted i felt. Or i could make a complaint about it to my union rep.

As I said I dont think it is personal but would not like anyone else (and lots of staff do have children) to be treated in this way.

But I am worried if I start comaplain about it it might look like i was lying or i am a trouble maker.

OP posts:
Underachieving · 11/03/2011 21:17

It is a bit insulting, but if it's policy it's policy. I'm glad it's not personal.

Underachieving · 11/03/2011 21:19

I forgot to say, as it's policy you have issue with then Union Rep seems like a good place to enquire if it's fair and how you can change it if not.

Don't knock her for being dilligent about doing her job, i might get irritating but it is only what she's been trained and paid to do. If the rules are the issue challenge the rules, not the mesenger.

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 11/03/2011 21:24

I think she will i have put the policy in place.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 11/03/2011 21:54

Your boss sounds like she has no social skills. Even if it were a policy, she could have softened it by explaining to you why it had to be done.

Do you think she did it in a sadistic or an unthinking way?

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 11/03/2011 22:36

What about trust? I am not one to make a fuss, a rule is a rule and all that but I would be very uncomfortable with this. And why has this not been communicated to staff?

mmsmum · 11/03/2011 22:40

YANBU that is very insulting and it would be very embarrassing asking your nursery to call you boss as he/she didn't believe you!

differentnameforthis · 11/03/2011 23:38

Regardless of what you boss did, I can't believe you took your ill dd to nursery. What about the other children?

differentnameforthis · 11/03/2011 23:51

And also, it is really no different to proving you have a drs appointment, is it?

nailak · 11/03/2011 23:57

has the nursery really got the time and inclination to ring though?

BetamaxBandit · 12/03/2011 00:06

But what would happen if you just rang up first thing and said I'm not coming in because DD is ill? Who would they ask to verify it then?

KatieMiddleton · 12/03/2011 00:12

Very odd. What if you had a nanny? Would your employee have to vouch for you? I'd ask to see a copy of the policy. Bet there isn't one and she's made it up.

lesley33 · 12/03/2011 00:20

I used to be a manager in the public sector. All of our policies said that you had to have proof to grant time off. This was for children's illnesses, bereavements, etc. In practice I don't know any manager who asked for this unless they seriously thought the worker was trying it on.

I found it interesting that you described your boss as seeming autistic with a real need to stick to rules. It appears that she is just following the policies exactly as written.

Unless this becomes an ongoing problem I personally don't think you should go to the union. She did follow the policy and is going to be unhappy at being challenged through the union.

If I was you I would either:

  1. Leave it unless something happens again.
or
  1. Talk to her directly. Explain that you know she has to check, but also explain that you can't see how some things can be verified. And just try to have a discussion about it so she understands more where you are coming from.

However as you said she has poor social skills and so she may in the future get your back up because she doesn't know how to soften things.

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