boss is out of order questioning intergrity

[legaleagle21]

I was unwell this morning as was my daughter. I knew I had an important meeting so took so day nurse and stumbled to work. Hoping I would start to feel better.

DD was v upset (usual) and I knew was that well when I dropped her off at nursery so when I got to work I called them and they said she was v upset and her temp was up.

So I went in work and said to the boss i was going to have to go as I was not feeling well and daughter was not well. She said I needed to get nursery to call her to confirm daughter was not well.

I was floored I was so shocked and insulted by this - AIBU?

The thing was as soon as I walked into work several people asked me if I was ok - as I looked so grey - My dh later in the day described me as the colour of boiled shite - a charming phrase i thought.

Plus i have a huge cold sore actually on the end of my nose - that was just starting to come out on Friday, so i was grey and my nose was bright red. So all in all you did not have to be Dr Hilary to see i was ill.

But I would have tried to get through the morning at least but the added issue of dd being unwell just meant it was all too much and i needed to get home.

As mentioned above with hinsight i should never have put my job b4 my dd. I should have just called in sick - but sometimes when you sick and not had sleep - you make the wrong decision.

Sorry i am rambling but basically I am clearly so bably thought of by my boss that she thinks i would lie about such a thing that I will always put my family totally first in future. There will be no difficult decision about staying off - phoning round relatives trying to get childcare etc.

She has lost all good will from me.

I'm horrified. If that is a policy it's a vile one. Do they also require people to prove that they've got a dentist appointment? What if someone (God forbid) gets some terrible news at work that someone's in hospital or something? Does the boss insist on phoning the hospital to check that your nearest and dearest is actually in A&E?

Definitely seek union advice.

Actually this is VERY much a policy re appointments. We have to produce a hospital letter, that they then photcopy and keep a copy of for their records.

If a firm has a policy then it has a policy and there is nothing wrong with sticking to it.

The manager in ths situation could have asked for the phone number of the nursery and rung it herself.

In the same situation, if I had been a manager I would have asked for the phoe number and told the employee to go immediately and to leave everything else to me. A quick phone call, a note and a bit of filing and that would be that.

Really Been Beta - I would be horrified if i thought the nursery was discussing my child's health on the phone with anyone but me, her father or a medical professional. My boss could be anoyone calling- it would be a total breath of trust for them to give her information.

Well, maybe even breach of confidence not just trust. I'm appalled that that's a policy. Apart from anything else, I can't imagine that the overworked staff at my GP's surgery, for example, could find the time/be arsed to field letters or phone calls from people'e employers. I'm seriously shocked about this. Is it a common policy?

I have never heard of any employer who has, or exercises, the right to speak to your child's nursery to check they are ill!
That simply cannot be real policy.
I think you were quite right to go and not to allow this.
The only issue for you here I would say would be that time off sick for YOU would be paid and time off to look after your DD would have to be annual or unpaid leave. That's the only issue for you and your employer to clarify here, not whether your child was 'really' ill.
If you're not in a union do join one, they can be so helpful. And your boss sounds like an utter idiot that you may need protecting from!

It's ridiculous. I once had a boss who called me at home when I was off with the flu. I didn't answer the phone - I was ill and the phone was downstairs. When I returned to work, my boss said I clearly wasn't ill as I was able to go out - displayed by me not answering the phone! I had a doctors note even though it was only 4 days off as I'd burst into tears at the docs and told him it couldn't be flu as my boss would go crazy! He told me he would sign me off to make me rest and not worry! Really shouldn't have been an issue.

Someone at work did comment on "how ill" dd was once(I've had 5 days off sick with dd in 2 years. 4 on the occasion I'm refering to). I was really upset by the cooment as dd was 18 months and had slapped cheek - she was spotty from head to foot and had a very high temp. She looked truly ill, and I took a snap and shoved it on fb. The person at work wasn't my boss as my new boss is fab about these things.

Speak to HR, this not on. It doesn't really matter what your absences are for just whether you can fulfil the terms and conditions of your contract. In essence it is not why you are absent that matters but how often.

Nursery would not be able to speak to your employer as they can only discuss a child with the parent/carer due to data protection. They shouldn't even confirm or deny if a child is in their care - therefor the company policy is seriously flawed.

You only need a doctor's not for more than 5 consecutive days off work.

exactly princess - the nursery can't give out information due to data protection and confidentiality! As if they would give a report on a child's health to a complete stranger. Ridiculous. I'd be seriously considering taking out a greivance against this boss.

Is the manager inexperienced. If so, I have a manager who's never worked in the sector let alone the role and she just asked me for my ds's term times.

I think she thinks she's being helpful. But given her performance and my rights she's not getting that info - ever.

I've had 1 day off sick in 2.5 years of being a working parent.

lealeagle - I think you shoud ask HR to see a copy of the policy. You should have been notified of it. If the policy does not exist tell HR what your boss said and ask them to speak to her.

If it is a policy I think you should just live with it. There really is not an intrusion here.

Fact is they are probably trying to cut down on abseteeism which is an acknowledged problem in the public sector. It is not all about you. It is about the plicy an dthe total workforce.

Oha nd assuming your boss asked for the phone mumber you coudl then go to the nursery get your DD and tell them to expect a call from your boss to verify you had picked her up. Job done.

I am shocked your employer photocopies hospital appointment letters. What a gross intrusion of privacy! What if you had a very embarrassing, private condition - would you want your boss knowing? Especially if it had no effect on your job other than one or two appointments in your whole working life?!

I agree employers should have policies that state they can ask to see evidence of medical appointments (including dentist) particularly if there is descretion regarding pay - but there are usually a few caveats based on common sense and not making work for work's sake. These usually include:

a) only asking for proof where you have reason to believe an employee is not being truthful or when there has been an excessive amount of time taken off such that it has an excessive impact on productivity/team morale (and the first senario would probably be either prior to or part of disciplinary proceedings and the second potentially a disability/capability issue).

b) having an option to show to HR, not line manager

c) not taking any copies. Good practice would be to note evidence has been seen but not to include details.

Honestly if someone had a file with copies of my medical appointments I'd be livid! And I've never even taken time off work for an appointment but have had plenty of staff who have and I would never humiliate them by forcing a disclosure. Which is probably why the told me all the details any way even though I didn't want to know