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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think friends DH is doing too much?

64 replies

2Much · 10/03/2011 18:40

I have a friend, she is lovely but I think it is unfair that her DH is doing the night feeds for their 5 week old DD and working full time.

She is a SAHM to DD and a toddler but she has a long term health problem which means that she cannot work. She told me that her DH is feeding their DD at night and working full time while she sleeps alone at night. I know she feels bad and has been doing extra bits around the house that her DH often does when she is tired but it seems unfair that he is having to do this. She did say though that if she was up in the night, she wouldn't be able to do much at all in the day and would pretty much be like a zombie.

She did all the night feeds for their DS when he was a baby so why can't she now?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 10/03/2011 18:42

Why are you asking us why she can't now?

jcscot · 10/03/2011 18:42

YABVVVU. It is none of your business how they organise their parenting. Some friend you are - if she has health issues, surely it's fair that her husband help as and how he sees fit?

You'd do better to praise the husband for being so understanding and helpful!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 10/03/2011 18:43

None of your business

rainbowinthesky · 10/03/2011 18:43

Sounds fair enough if it works for them. I am amazed this bothered you enough to start a thread tbh.

BarbaraBar · 10/03/2011 18:43

It's really none of your business.

And I mean that most sincerely.

BooyFuckingHoo · 10/03/2011 18:44

wtf has it got to do with you?

and just to answer yoru question, no i dont think he is doing too much by feeding his 5 week old baby to let teh person who will be caring for two children during teh day sleep.

again though, fuck all to do with you.

ginmakesitallok · 10/03/2011 18:45

YABU

Onetoomanycornettos · 10/03/2011 18:45

Well, it will affect his work and his ability to concentrate, but I guess he doesn't have a choice. If all things were equal, I'm all for the working out of the home partner trying to get a full (say 6/7) hours sleep, especially if they are driving or doing an intellectually demanding job, but if she's going to be ill herself in the day if he doesn't do the nights, then he is simply stepping up to the plate. And, it's none of your business really!

PinkIceQueen · 10/03/2011 18:45
Biscuit
mmsmum · 10/03/2011 18:47

YABU I would hated to have a 'friend' like you that would take my personal business to a public forum to discuss with others, it's as much my business as it is yours op. Butt out and leave them to it, and for what it's worth, no, I don't think the DH doing night feeds is 'too much', get real and get a life!

MadamDeathstare · 10/03/2011 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coppertop · 10/03/2011 18:49

Heaven forbid that the dh should feed his own child. Hmm

saffy85 · 10/03/2011 18:52

This arrangement is between your friend and her DH.

Some friend you are Hmm having a whine about what your friend and her DH do WRT caring for their baby.

SugarPasteFrog · 10/03/2011 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nemofucker · 10/03/2011 19:03

My dh did all dd's night feeds, and worked full time, luckily in the afternoon and evening.
I do not have a long term illness.
I don't see what's wrong with it?

Why is it we seem to feel sorry for a bloke working and doing childcare, and say they are doing too much? Women cannot do enough it would seem and men should stick to working and leaving everything else to the little woman Hmm

fallingandlaughing · 10/03/2011 19:03

You sound like a lovely friend.

No, not really.

Mahraih · 10/03/2011 19:04

YABU. None of your business. How horrid.

Even if there are no reasons you don't know about, it's their marriage, he is feeding his child, and that's how it is.

Just ... get over it.

nailak · 10/03/2011 19:16

well she has a full time job in the daytime too imo

tethersend · 10/03/2011 19:16

What do you suggest all those working lone parents do with their babies in the night?

Both parents in this couple work.

Grumpla · 10/03/2011 19:17

YABU and a shit friend.

PomBearEnvy · 10/03/2011 19:19

'she has a long term health problem '

'I know she feels bad'

'she has been doing extra bits around the house'

'if she was up in the night, she wouldn't be able to do much at all in the day and would pretty much be like a zombie'

I think you answered your own question, YABU.

You don't sound a particularly loyal or supportive friend btw. Why does it bother you so much?!

MadamDeathstare · 10/03/2011 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigstrotters · 10/03/2011 19:21

When I have gone back to work full time with ALL my kids I was the one waking every cple of hours to feed them as I was breast feeding and my DH is a SAHD.

It's his child too!! Butt out and get over yourself.

spidookly · 10/03/2011 19:23

Yes, both parents work and one has health problems.

You want your sick friend to exhaust herself rather than have her husband do "too much"?

Because it is very important that men are never put out in any way by having a family.

You are a bad friend. Hopefully she'll see that soon and get shot of you.

yama · 10/03/2011 19:25

YAB very U