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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be v hurt that i have been suspected of dobbing someone in to the DWP?

72 replies

superv1xen · 10/03/2011 09:50

my friend and her husband live on benefits at the moment, he does some cash in hand work at weekends playing in bands (although afaik he is not doing it at the moment). he has absolutely no intention of working and is actually quite proud of being on benefits and getting one over by getting cash in hand.

anyway it became apparent yesterday via the evil facebook that someone had reported them. so i immediately messaged my friend to say, omg, whats happened, hope you're ok? kind of thing, to which she didn't reply.

i don't like her H and i don't get on with him (very long story) and the feelings mutual. i don't agree with what he does and i think he should get a job like everyone else. HOWEVER, i don't agree with reporting people and would never do it myself, even to someone i hated, let alone a friend (well he isn't my friend but obviously someone dobbing would AFFECT my friend

in the meantime, last night, my DH saw her DH as they are also in a band together and they were rehearsing. and my friends DH was speaking to my DH about it, he said they have got a "shortlist" of a few people who they suspect of grassing them up and it turns out one of those people would be me :(

i don't know what to do for the best now, part of me wants to get in touch with her to deny it but then part of me is like, well fuck her if she thinks that badly of me :( and also if i make a big fuss then that might make it look like it was me "protesting too much" IYSWIM?

i just cannot believe that she thinks that little of me that i would do something like that to her. i am absolutely gutted. the thing is, TBH a lot of people don't like him (H) so it could be anyone. especially as he is always bragging all over facebook about being in a band and posting pictures of gigs etc so loads of people must know what he is up to.

OP posts:

solooovely · 10/03/2011 15:38

No one is listening to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster

superv1xen · 10/03/2011 15:50

sorry sooolovely i wasn't ignoring you! (was too busy being outraged at being accused of stuff i haven't done ) yes that was kind of my point too, i didn't want a discussion on the rights and wrongs of reporting or the evils of benefit fraud, my point is my so called mate thinks i am capable of betraying her!

OP posts:

bupcakesandcunting · 10/03/2011 15:56

Ditch her, vixen. She and her DH sound toxic.

HecateTheCrone · 10/03/2011 17:04

I hope you get an apology for that from that poster, supervixen, but I wouldn't hold your breath.

lovenamechange100 · 10/03/2011 17:24

OK super but why would yo want to be friends with someone who is avoiding pay tax/fradulently claiming benefits anyway - I wouldnt value what someone like that thinks about me.

I did say possibly in my angry post. Sorry if this is not true.

Yes Bupcakes

BooBooGlass · 10/03/2011 19:14

Do you really want me to link it vixen? Because I can. You state quite clearly that your dp helped you do it up too.
voila

BooBooGlass · 10/03/2011 19:17

And woah there hecate, why say that she won't get an apology from me? Have I pissed you off too? I bloody hope not given what we were talking about only last week.
I only mentioned it as I consider it relevant. Have a read. If anyone thinks I need to apologise then fair dos. But I stand by what I've said.

Northeastgirl · 10/03/2011 19:31

Lots of people on here suggesting that no-one should hesitate to report benefit fraud. In general terms I do agree with that, as I understand that the rest of us are all paying for it. However I wonder how many of you have actually reported someone for benefit fraud or similar. Sorry to hijack the original thread, but I just wonder if this is one of those situations where it's a bit easier said than done.

SugarPasteFrog · 10/03/2011 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

superv1xen · 10/03/2011 20:05

boobooglass

well done for finding a thread that shows i live in social housing there are probably more if you stalk me look some more :)

i meant where does it say i lied about being single to get a house? nowhere thats where! because i DIDN'T! if you are that interested (which you clearly are as you trawled the archives looking for posts from me) i first went into social housing as a single mum a few years ago, met DH about 3 years ago, he moved in after a few months and then we did a homeswap a year or so ago. so yeah, all above board thank you :)

HTH.

OP posts:

HecateTheCrone · 10/03/2011 20:22

booboo- the poster who was abusive, not you.

bupcakesandcunting · 10/03/2011 21:25

Oh dear. I called you cut-price Coleen Rooney on that old thread. I sm so sorry

ivykaty44 · 10/03/2011 21:33

Unfortunately if you have friends that live their life in the way you describe they will bring trouble with them as they will forever be looking over their shoulder and suspecting people of being against them. In turn they will be slightly more paranoid now and stressed.

Whatever you do will be wrong in their eyes.

Far better if they wrote up a list of jobs rather than trying to play at being police detectives and finding out who rang the department and told them their suspitions.

Contact them and say it is a shame they find you on a list of people that maybe did something or maybe didn't - but you don't think you can really stay friends as you will always have a nagging doubt that they think you made a phone call or whatever

Original poster

superv1xen · 10/03/2011 21:41

i know bupcakes :)

do you know what though, reading that old thread i do sound a real annoying bitch, i dunno what i was on the day i wrote that, fucking hell, chip on my shoulder or what...

OP posts:

solooovely · 10/03/2011 21:52

sorry sooolovely i wasn't ignoring you! (was too busy being outraged at being accused of stuff i haven't done hmm ) yes that was kind of my point too, i didn't want a discussion on the rights and wrongs of reporting or the evils of benefit fraud, my point is my so called mate thinks i am capable of betraying her!

Yes! That's the word I was looking for - betrayal! I couldn't quite put what I meant into words.

majorydoors · 10/03/2011 22:04

So what do you actually think about your 'friend' vixen do you feel any better about her response to situation given posts or do you feel you need to salvage friendship?

hissymissy · 10/03/2011 23:09

It sounds very much like you need to distance yourself from this friend at the moment. Perhaps some time in the future you can pick up your friendship, perhaps not. I'd keep the door unlocked but closed for now if I were you.

FabbyChic · 10/03/2011 23:47

YOu missed the point, the money your partner earns that is cash has to be declared to the tax man and tax paid on it, it also has to be declared to the HMRC as it will affect your Tax Credits.

expatinscotland · 10/03/2011 23:51

please, don't loose any more sleep or waste any more time thinking about this pair of losers.

Original poster

superv1xen · 11/03/2011 17:22

majory interesting point. actually this thread has really made me think about whether i actually want her as a friend anymore based on what she's done and the fact she thinks its ok to have been doing what they have been. and she has not acted like a friend at all recently (not just over this but over a catalogue of other incidents) i won't be treated like shit anymore. i agree with hissymissy though i will keep the door open for her for if and when she needs me. ie when it all comes crashing down with her H.

fabby yeah DH had to register as self employed for the band so pays tax on all his earnings (not that its much lol).

expat yeah you pretty much sum it up! :o

OP posts:

solooovely · 12/03/2011 08:49

So did they ever come to your wedding?

Original poster

superv1xen · 12/03/2011 10:12

no they didn't. but to be fair they weren't invited, none of our friends were, it was only a tiny registry office thing with just our parents and DC there.

OP posts:

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