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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to take 6month DD to Baby Ballet?

551 replies

MillieMoosMummy · 09/03/2011 20:13

My DD is actually 5 months but baby ballet starts at 6 months (anyone have any experience of this??)

My MIL basically told me I shouldn't, in front of all of DH's family. She thinks DD 'Does enough already!'

I felt like she was implying that DD isn't having a good time, or that I'm not thinking of her, but I swear she likes her actvities.

At swimming lessons she smiles and splashes, at Gymboree she actually laughs and giggles.

We also do Catapillar music and go to rhyme time at the library.

In four weeks we are starting 'Gymbabes' at Tumbletots.

I tried P & T groups but found them really cliquey.

I'm quite upset about MIL saying this and really enjoy DD's activities.

AIBU? Is she right?

OP posts:
lovenamechange100 · 10/03/2011 23:26

Hmm maybe I never went to lots of classes as a child.....

Morloth · 10/03/2011 23:28

Snort at 'child rearing high ground', your first baby is 5 months old.

MerryMarigold · 10/03/2011 23:29

I take my kids jumping in muddy puddles. What do you think of that idea when she's a bit older?

BeerTricksPotter · 10/03/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BranchingOut · 10/03/2011 23:30

At the moment my two best friends and SIL aren't returning to work for a couple if years so it's a nice position to be in at the moment!

Ah, well, you are sorted in that case - nothing more we can do for you here! Wink

lovenamechange100 · 10/03/2011 23:31

Cant take this thread remotely seriously - but do love the idea of a troll patrol - with night vision goggles and everything: ipads for notes and boden leather gloves (do they even exist?) sitting with a COSTA in virtual car somewhere on M25 - note not Stabucks.

MillyMoosMummy · 10/03/2011 23:32

Right, my gorgeous little baby is asleep in the other room and I'm going to go and join her.

Thanks to some of you.

The rest of you should really consider how you'd like to portray yourselves. Would you like your children to see you resort to this behaviour? It's so sad. I really feel for them... No actvities and clearly challenged in the parental department.

I've booked baby ballet as well! Haha....

MillyMoosMummy · 10/03/2011 23:33

And muddy puddles sounds fab... But she's 5 months, so not quite yet!

Bye!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/03/2011 23:33

oooh handbags

MerryMarigold · 10/03/2011 23:34

Night night Milly

BeerTricksPotter · 10/03/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 10/03/2011 23:35

Well yes, I did say when she's older. Just a freebie for ya!

MerryMarigold · 10/03/2011 23:37

So what's the consensus?

...I think it's been so addictive because of the 'Is she for real?' issue? I thought she was, but the namechange was a bit weird and some of the later comments just seemed too deliberately inflammatory. I dunno...

lovenamechange100 · 10/03/2011 23:41

Beer I dont know I am 'clearly challenged in the parental department'. Grin

scottishmummy · 10/03/2011 23:41

liked milly.poncetastic classes and how very dare you

pigstrotters · 10/03/2011 23:41

I've just skimmed read this thread and think it's like a flipping storm in a teacup.

So a first time mum wants to take her baby out and about and have fun? So bloody what!

I think there's a lot of bitter and jealous mums out there. Jealous about her time and her money.

And no - I wouldn't take my 6 mth old to baby ballet - I would wait until they ask to go. But YANBU just because you have a different view.

MerryMarigold · 10/03/2011 23:43

pigs, there was a bit more to it than that

lovenamechange100 · 10/03/2011 23:43

C'on it is very arrogant to think you can come on a site like this and put such things when you are a new poster and a new parent generally speaking? Shock

MerryMarigold · 10/03/2011 23:46

I liked Milly. She called me embarassingly childish!

scottishmummy · 10/03/2011 23:47

behave.milly doesnt need be deferential cause new.

curious that because milly argued back and didnt do the im newbie and wont challenge regular gimmers means she is arrogant

milly gave it and got it

nature of aibu,innit

lovenamechange100 · 10/03/2011 23:49

that be it scottish

Toplistmaker · 11/03/2011 00:05

Haha! I love this, it reminds me of me 11 years ago.. sigh I'm guessing this is your first baby? I'd wait a while, maybe until she can actually sit up, before starting Ballet! Seriously, you've plenty of time for that, relax, you are the best activity/ toy/ class your daughter could have, just read her a book, talk to her & play peek-a-boo!

Dont want to disallusion you but my 2 eldest DDs went to ballet for years, got to oh, 9 and decided they wanted to do street dance instead!

pigletmania · 11/03/2011 00:59

I hav no complaints from my dd regarding my parenting skills. You don't know us so how can you say what type of mums we are. Just because we may not take our dc to structured activities does not mean we sit at home watching Jeremy vile. My dd goes to preschool so she does do structured activities. I don't think our behaviour was bad I've seen a lot worse

otchayaniye · 11/03/2011 02:46

Hi Milly. I can see how you became defensive. I wouldn't like to come on here and ask a question about my heartfelt desire to help my children have fun and have the best start in life met with a host of derisive snorts from a bunch of seasoned mothers.

And just because you get something from getting out of the house and meeting friends and going to these activities, doesn't mean you are a lonely saddo, or that you don't do other valuable things at home with your daughter.

And it's lovely that you are both enjoying it. You are certainly not doing anything wrong -- although I would be careful in the future (I'll say why in a second)

Structured activities for babies are not my cup of tea. I have enough in my life to be on time for, I don't need adding to it! Besides, I don't get much from meeting other mums just for the sake of their being mums. That said, I can see how some structure, some order and a seeing your baby enjoy something is a real boon to some people. Your (probaby) working one minute, then staring into the chasm of 24 hours a day with no order. It can seem daunting. I certainly found it daunting (my daughter is 2.5 and I'm pregnant again) which is why I'd make a point of going out each day to break it up, change of scence, see new things, etc.

That said, I do think exposing babies to different things is good. From an early age I swam every day (luckily she was born in Singapore so was a water baby from 8 weeks), we go to the zoo/science museum/Gambado/library/toy museum/parks/swimming/other stuff each and every day. I know friends think we are a bit precious. For other reasons too -- I still bfeed and still carry my toddler in a wrap. We all have our pfb-weaknesses!

However:

You baby learns at this stage from you. She needs you and your breasts if you are feeding, and pretty much nothing else. The idea that she is learning about ballet is a little silly. She may seem to enjoy this time but that could be for other reasons. You could be particularly animated (the whole class-ness of it, and enforced jollity tends to produce this), you are giving her undivided one-on-one attention and there are things to look at and hear. But learning is an organic and continual process (she'll learn as much about proprioception and movement trying to reach for your jewellery, tweak your nipple, try to climb stairs when you are not looking than half and hour of tambourine clapping an throwing her in the air. Socialisation? She learns that from you at this stage.

Sometimes a heavy diet of structured classes can kill a bit of the spontaneity that helps children develop. It could be tempting (I'm not for one minute saying that you do this but I know others who do) to think 'I've done my 'fun' time' and not be prepared to ceaselessly play or follow your child's lead at home. You know, get the sheets off the bed and make tents, have baths in the middle of the day to splash the hell out of the bathroom, messy painting, reading, etc.

Beware the law of unintended consequences. If you keep this up, you run a small risk of making your daughter resistant to learning something. I say this having talked to a friend who is a swimming teacher. She comes across a lot a parents who are desperate for their children to swim and pay for expensive lessons and exude 'please son/daughter, swim for me, it will please me'. In many cases the child simply resists and loses interest and will only learn at his or her own pace. Children are perceptive about emotions and can read us without us speaking. If you give away that you 'want' her to learn, she could turn away later in toddlerhood.

I say this as I started teaching my daughter to read (sight method) when she was 18 months. She'd been picking out some words (baby, zoo, etc) by recognition for some months and so I thought I was following her lead. However by a few months later although she'd learn many words I could tell she was losing interest a bit so I stopped. Learning and loving reading is too important to 'force' and I wouldn't want it to be related to 'pleasing me'.

A 5 month old will go anywhere and do anything. A 9+ monther may begin to balk and toddler even more. So what she enjoys now she may not. My 1 year old suddenly took against Rhyme Time -- hated the yakkety mums and wailing babies and just stared, bamboozled, the whole time.

Consider the amount of travel time to and fro. With a frequently napping 5 month old, not so much an issue, but many toddlers don't often enjoy car journeys/public transport.

Regarding signing lessons (something I too considered). I wouldn't, unless there is a speech delay issue. If you want to bring on her speech (I did this with my daughter and she spoke in 3-4 word sentences at 13 months, don't know if it was solely down to this though and simply her) I followed the Babytalk programme from Dr Sally Ward (paperback book)

What you are doing is expensive--by any measure. How about saving that money for something arguably more worthwhile, such as private education, supplementary education, such as Kumon, piano lessons when she's 4, riding lessons, etc?

Play constantly, be silly (I really recommend Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen for ideas), whack on the Schubert or Mozart (babies seem to love Mozart), have a read of Babytalk, maybe play on the piano a bit or buy a cheap keyboard, get some musical instruments, messy painting stuff and most of all enjoy her. I miss that 5 month old stage!

otchayaniye · 11/03/2011 02:57

Regarding the underwater reflex, I chucked my daughter head under at 8 weeks myself and kept doing it every time we went swimming (almost daily) until about 6 months ago when we had a break. Would she go under after that? No bloody way. Screamed blue murder!